Mom's Birthday (Again)

post #278

Again on this special day, I spent a little time to wish a remarkable woman a happy birthday.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Wish you all the things that are better than best, coz you simply deserve them.

Melly - Bunda

ku buka album biru
penuh debu dan usang
ku pandangi semua gambar diri
kecil bersih belum ternoda
pikirkupun melayang
dahulu penuh kasih
teringat semua cerita orang
tentang riwayatku

reff#
kata mereka diriku slalu dimanja
kata mereka diriku slalu dtimang

nada nada yang indah
slalu terurai darinya
tangisan nakal dari bibirku
takkan jadi deritanya

tangan halus dan suci
tlah mengangkat diri ini
jiwa raga dan seluruh hidup
rela dia berikan
oh bunda ada dan tiada
dirimu kan slalu ada di dalam
hatiku ...

Complicated Heart

post #277


Been in a very fluctuant emotions phase. It seemed my mood swing could change in a day..or even hours.. *sigh What happened...why was it so hard to get rid of those bad emotions, negative feelings and keep a steadier mood? Why had I lose my poise? Why should I try quite hard to swing it to the positive polar? Why did it feel complicated?

Time...I need your wisdom to eliminate these... probably an afternoon nap would help...

MLTR - Complicated Heart

Don't know what to say now
Don't know where to start
I don't know how to handle
A complicated heart
You tell me you are leaving
But I just have to say
Before you throw it all away

Chorus:
Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you're coming home
And if you need someone to ease the pain
You can lean on me, my love will still remain

Don't know what you're thinking
To me it seems quite tough
To hold a conversation
When words are not enough
So this is your decision
And there's nothing I can do
I can only say to you

Chorus

If this is your decision
And theres nothing I can do
I can only say to you

Chorus

Even if you want to go alone
I will still love you when tomorrow comes
When you need someone to ease the pain
You can lean on me, my love will still remain

I Hope

post #276

Sweet Nina

I had a bad day at work today and got home late. Felt very exhausted physically and mentally. As usual, Nina ran to the door as I opened the front door, but this time, she came straight to me and gave me a quick hug without me asking.

After shower and dinner, I went to the bedroom with Nina and while laying myself down on the bed, I told her, “Daddy is tired, Nina. Give daddy a hug.”

Nina: “later Nina hug daddy, daddy not feel tired anymore?”
She then hugged me and whispered softly into my ear, “I love you too, daddy”.

Then, she went on to tell me a story. I usually tell her a story by making up a story myself on the fly. She tried to imitate me. I tried to listen carefully what she was saying as she spoke very softly. She apparently tried to make up a story. I heard words and sentences such as,

“once upon a time …”
“one day …”
“cinderella”
“ariel”
“step sister”
“and live happily ever after .. the end”

I was impressed. I don’t mind having another bad day.


Read a friend of mine friend’s blog. I found it very touching and oohhh sooo sweettttt…That’s why I copied and pasted it here. I tried to imagine how it’d feel. I’d also feel very blissful and thankful if I’d experienced the same thing. Very tired (and stressed) from all day work but the fatigue, the stress would instantly washed away just by simple words and gesture from my little daughter. Simple, yet meaningful and full of love. I’d be rejuvenated in a second.

It’s astonishing how a simple line could bring someone up or down. How emotions could turn 180 degrees just by hearing words of love, having simple moments with the ones I love.

*sigh… I wish…I really really wish someday I’d be able to have the same blessing, to experience that kind of thing. Could I? I hope I could find that one person who’d not only be the best wife, but also the best mother for my children. I hope I could be the right partner for her. I hope I could be a good father, an ideal father figure, the one I never had.

And I’d give it all away, just to have someone to come home to…

Superheroes

post #275

I can’t stand to fly…I’m not that naïve
I’m just out to find…the better part of me


How does it feel longing for something that is out of your reach? Something…that might not even meant for you? I’m sure it’d eat me up from the inside…


Watching Hancock last nite gave me the inspiration to write another entry. It seemed cool to have extraordinary abilities, to be prominent, to be superheroes. But everything had its toll. Like Uncle Ben’s advice on his dying breath to Peter Parker, “With great power comes great responsibility”

Superheroes might have all those awesome treats, but they also had to sacrifice a lot, ie their personal life. They couldn’t live a normal life. Even some had to live on their own, alone. It’s a matter of choice; they were blessed (or cursed?) with such great power. What were they gonna do with it? The choice they made define them as superhero or not. I guess Spiderman 3 tagline was very good; “The greatest battle lies within” We all had to battle ourselves each day, in each decision we made. Those battles and the results define the person we were. Even superheroes had to endure the same battle, but their burden was much heavier, given the abilities they had.

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me....

Superheroes also wanted things in their life. They had dreams too. They wanted to love and be loved, just like the rest of us I suppose. They could cry, they could hurt; they had emotions too. But even they’re superheroes; they couldn’t always get what they wanted. We might think it’s cool to possess those superpowers, but we often forgot that those could be a burden as well. If I possessed extraordinary abilities, I’d be burdened to use them for greater good, for mankind (well at least that what my conscience would say and urge me to do). Superheroes might have the luxury of doing great things, by sacrificing the possibility of experiencing simple things, normal things.

I sometimes imagined, what if superheroes were in their bad mood? When they’re sick and tired of doing what they’d done? When they need some time just for themselves, not rushing to save the world 24 7? Weren’t they also entitled for a little break? To have simple things, simple moment like a good night sleep, an afternoon walk on the park without worrying what incident might happen which required his/her help? Could they have a normal, peaceful life? Could they every once in a while take full, undisturbed holiday? Maybe they would trade their superpower just to have normal life like everyone else.

Not so interesting anymore to be a superhero, huh?


Okay back to Hancock. [Spoiler warning]. It turned out that he was an angel and that angels were created in pairs. And instinctively they were drawn to each other, so they can live together, to love, to connect, to be mortal, to grow old and die eventually. That’s why they’re weak when they’re together, because they became humans. *phewww… that’s a nice, fresh concept. There were some scenes where the audience could feel Hancock’s loneliness. How he was rejected and felt unloved by the people around him. Yeah he’s a bit eccentric, but his eccentricity was a reaction from the people’s rejection. Which one’s earlier…I dunno. But he finally changed. It’s because a man whose life he saved (quite controversially). It’s open for debate the way he saved Ray’s life. The damaged he caused by saving a person’s life. The potential danger he created, which might injure or even kill other people when he saved Ray.

Again fate brought him to his pair, the lovely Mary. I had to say Charlize Theron looked wonderful in this movie. He had no memories whatsoever about their history and Mary was Ray’s wife. Short story, Ray tried to change Hancock’s image (that’s what PR was all about, right? Image in front of public). Ray’s a good man. And Hancock slowly tried to do so. There’s a scene where Aaron, Ray’s son visited Hancock in jail and gave his favorite dinosaur toy to him. I think that’s quite a booster for Hancock to change his image. It’s amazing how sincerity of a child could touch and change a person.

Then when everything was revealed, it turned out that Mary had to leave Hancock for his own safety, coz it seemed that when they’re together, he’s always hurt. That’s why she thought it’d be better if they just not be together. Woww…I wonder how would it feel? I love a person so much (and vice versa), that person was meant for me, but I couldn’t be with her because each time we’re together, bad things always happened to her. I should be as far as I could to ensure her safety, her wellbeing. That would be….indescribably painful. Sometimes love needed huge all-out sacrifice. That’s what happened to Mary and Hancock. Nice twist of the simple plot. And what bout Ray? How would he feel when he found the truth, that he’s not the one? Would he feel like a rebound guy since Mary couldn’t be with Hancock? Ermmm…correction; Mary could be with Hancock, but she chose not to, for his own sake (so she thought). She thought that Hancock wouldn’t miss what he couldn’t remember. But I guess deep down inside, Hancock must’ve felt something missing in his heart, in his life. He just didn’t know what it was until he met her.

Here comes a question, did superheroes have to life their life alone? How lonely their life must be. Superman used to spend his days in his fortress of solitude, till he finally met Lois Lane. Superman represented all the goodness. He only had one weakness. Yet somehow he just too perfect.

Batman didn’t have anyone to share his burden. He had few sidekicks, but never really had someone to love. Well the only woman he ever loved probably Talia, but she’s Ras Al Ghul’s daughter, his archenemy. Such complicated life. Even Dick Grayson, the first Robin finally decided to operate on his own and became the Nightwing since Batman was really introverted. Well I couldn’t blame him. Both of his parents killed by a petty criminal when he was just a little boy. He spent his entire life in anger, resentment. He managed the desire of vengeance pretty well, but that made him…separated (?). Nobody really knew his real emotions coz he’s very good at shutting down. Probably only Alfred Pennyworth who understood him. He’s emotionally crippled.

After watching Incredible Hulk, I agreed with my homies that Hulk was so miserable. He was depicted lonely, had to stay away from the crowd, manage his anger, and always choose jumbo size pants, just in case. Not only that, he couldn’t even get laid. It turned out that he’d change into Hulk also when he got too excited. And after he got back as Bruce, he’d be half naked at least, couldn’t really remember what happened or what he did. He thought he’d better be far from the ones he loved; just to be sure that he didn’t accidentally hurt them.

If I were a superhero, I’d choose to be Spiderman. The most ‘normal’ and had a pretty good life. He's smart (genius), pretty good looking, witty n had abundant sense of humor. Ok he’s not as rich as Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark, but he had a pretty decent life, a wife who’s pretty, smart and accept his whole identity, plus loved him very much for the way he was.

Hmmmmm…it’s not easy to be me (from the superhero’s point of view)


Five For Fighting – Superman


I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird...I’m more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

Up, up and away...away from me
It’s all right...you can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy...or anything...

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
Inside of me
Inside me
Yeah, inside me
Inside of me

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
I’m only a man
Looking for a dream

I’m only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it’s not easy, hmmm, hmmm, hmmm...

Its not easy to be me

Miracle

post #274

Miracle…what is miracle?

I cited this from a source on the internet
1. An effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause.
2. Such an effect or event manifesting or considered as a work of God.
3. A wonder; marvel.

....It’s taken much too long
To get it right, would it be so wrong?
To maybe find someone…a miracle...

Ermmm…could I say that not getting a ticket on Friday night was a miracle? Or was it just luck? What about surviving a terrible car crash without any major wound? Was it just a (huge) luck?
I guess miracle had much bigger magnitude, something that really beyond our expectation/thoughts. Example, a person found out that his/her cancer was cured though the doctors had already given up. That was something extraordinary, right?

Also miracle has something to do with a person’s real potential and capability/talent, which was extraordinary. We often heard the term wonderboy or wonderkid. Example: A 5 year old boy already able to master a very difficult piano composition. We wouldn’t say that that boy was lucky, we’d say that he’s a wonderkid. Different when we heard a person won a lottery. We might say, he/she was such a lucky person. Okay I guess we’re in unison about this one.

Another thing about miracle. I think it always a positive thing. You’d never heard of a bad miracle, had you? But we sometimes heard about bad luck, like when a person was robbed, we would say that he/she was having a bad luck. So luck could be a good or bad one.

Next, do you believe in miracle? Do you believe that it happens everyday? Why?

I guess like a line from Celine Dion’s song, “Love comes to those who believe it..and that’s the way it is”. Miracle also happens to those who believe in it. I won’t write much about this coz I think we all had our own perception about this matter which was affected by our own personal experience in life. What I wanted to emphasize was, if you didn’t believe in miracle, try to start believing in it, you might be amazed once you experience it.

When there seemed no hope at all, no way out from the situation we faced, there’s one thing we couldn’t lose, that’s hope (plus faith I think actually).

Is there a trace
Inside her face
Of a lonely miracle
And so you wait
And lie awake
For a lonely miracle


Rest assured that miracles would happen, when you believe. I think this song said it all.

Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston - When You Believe

Many nights we've prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful song
We barely understood

Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains long
Before we knew we could


There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe


In this time of fear
When prayers so often prove in vain
Hope seems like the summer birds
To swiftly flown away

Yet now I'm standing here
My heart's so full I can't explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought I'd say

There can be miracles, when you believe
Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will
You will when you believe


They don't always happen when you ask
(Oh)
And it's easy to give in to your fears
(Oh...Ohhhh)
But when you're blinded by your pain
Can't see your way straight throught the rain
Small but still, resilient voice
Says love is the relief
(Ohhh)

There can be miracles
(Miracles)
When you believe
(Lord, when you believe)
Though hope is frail
(Though hope is frail)
It's hard to kill
(Hard to kill, Ohhh)
Who knows what miracles,you can achieve
When you believe, somehow you will(somehow,somehow, somehow)
somehow you will
You will when you believe

You will when you
You will when you believe
Just believe...in your heart
Just believe
You will when you believeeeeeeeeeee

Miracle Prologue

post #273

*Yawning
Just woke up from my afternoon beauty nap, did a lil bit browsing and found that Nokia 6220 Classic was already available....Wow.....

It'd been tiring weekend. Playing futsal again last nite and only managed to score twice, assist once while hitting the crossbar thrice. Simply it wasn't my night. Moreover, I accidentally blocked a shot with my chest *yummy...then the next time around with my face...and to top it up, I had head collision with another player. I think I had a minor concussion thanks to that. My head was bleeding and gave this weird signal...a lil bit throbbing. But nevertheless, it's so good to play futsal again.

Then afterward me and my homies went to Happy Puppy Gadink to have a late nite karaoke session. We had to wait for a few minutes to get a room though I had already booked one. *Not so good service. We had so much laugh, esp when we're singing M.E. - Inikah Cinta. Agus really entertained us by imitating ME's style... I laughed till my stomach hurt. Bowo recorded Agus' performance using my digicam....it could win youtube amateur video contest...triple lolzzz...after almost two hours, the bleeding on my head finally stopped. I was thinking to get some stitches if the wound still bleeding.

The initial plan was to go to Willy's house, but he's already asleep and we're not quite comfortable to go there, remembering he'd had a family and a daughter which surely asleep at that time *it's almost 1 AM. So we went to get some food (I hadn't eaten anything since ermm....2 PM I think)

*Continuing on Tuesday, July 8th 2008

We went to Ropita Grill Bread (dunno if this is the correct term, somebody cmiiw). I ordered Indomie with Corned Beef, and then Chocolate Grill Bread....Yummy....we talked about stuffs. It'd been a quarter of a century and none of us had short term plan of getting married. Heck, we're still jomblowan... *lolzz... Then we went back home, while Agus still needed to figure out where he'd spend the night....

Aha....before I forgot... Watched a friend of mine performance at WTC Mangga Dua. His band was very cool. There were violist (quite pretty too ;p) and saxophonist, plus a female vocal featured. Met Lia there coincidentally (Why there were sooooo many girls named Lia???). She's my junior at university and we went to the same parish church. It turned out that the MC was her friend. What a small world. Short story, she asked if I could give her a ride. I doubted a little since I didn't bring extra helmet, but she'd go home using public transportation otherwise. So I took the chance and said ok. I was quite nervous since it's the first time I gave a ride and the passenger didn't wear helmet and we're passing through major roads. We're lucky to get to her home safe and sound. I guess from her point of view, she's lucky to meet me there. Ermmm.....lucky, like what I mentioned my previous post. I wanted us to get home without getting any ticket (though we're not abiding the rule :p) and it happened. I always believe that if we really start with good, sincere intention, everything would work out just fine, or even better that we'd expected. And sometimes, doing the right thing wasn't doing the right thing (In this case, helping a friend in need, but breaking the rule).

Another example of lucky (Should I put this segment on my previous blog? :D), on Saturday night, when Jef was heading for the shower after playing futsal, he accidentally dropped his wallet and he didn't realize it. We didn't even know it until a guy came to our table and asked if there's any Jefry who's playing futsal with us. We said yes and he returned the wallet. Just as simple as that. We said thanks and not long after that Jef came and we told him that a guy found his wallet and returned it. He's lucky, right? What if the guy didn't return the wallet? Then he'd be unlucky.

Again, I think that's another concept we commonly accepted. If a person was having bad things, we'd say that he/she must be unlucky and those bad things happened as punishment. But was it that simple? Were those bad things happened because of the chain reaction which was started by that person him/herself? There's a saying, you reap what you sow. It might be the fruit of his/her actions in the past. It might be God's way to remind him/her to introspect (well this apply if you believe in such divine power). It might be without any (logical) reason. Heyyy...shit happened everywhere to everybody. We tend to scream out loud .."WHYYYYY MEEEEE??????!!!!" when bad things happened to us. Okay bad things happened, but what lesson could we learn from them? I believe everything happened for a reason (maybe two or more :D). Sometimes the things we didn't understand yet, might be understood later on, when the time come.


Ok back. That night I slept with still throbbing lightly head. Woke up and accompanied mom to Artha Gading. We went to ACE Hardware and (again) coincidentally met my uncle. We talked there near kitchen appliances aisle. It dawned to me (once again) how crucial it was to find a spouse who shared similar vision, someone who's compatible, beside the mutual attraction. *sighhhh it's not easy.... *Chris Martin might sing ... nobody said it was easyyyyy..... lolzzz

We ate at Bakmi Gang Kelinci then went back home. That's when I started my afternoon beauty nap.

Actually I was planning to write about miracle. But due to some delay...I lost my train of thoughts...
Well...as an opening...here's one of Vertical Horizon's song that I really like...

All I wanted was a miracle
All I needed was a miracle

Vertical Horizon - Miracle

It's taken much too long
To get it right
Would it be so wrong
To maybe find someone
A miracle

And all you really need
Is everything you could never be
And so you'd give it all
For a miracle

Chorus:
Is there a trace
Inside her face
Of a lonely miracle
And so you wait
And lie awake
For a lonely miracle

You never really know
What it is
Not until it goes
And if it comes again
It's a miracle

But what you miss is love
In everything below and up above
And could she bring it all
A miracle

Chorus

All you wanted was a (miracle)
All you needed was a miracle
A miracle
And all you wanted was a (miracle)
All you needed was a miracle
A miracle

It's taken so long to get it right
Could it be so wrong
To maybe find someone
A miracle

Chorus


finished at 8th July, 2008 8.08 PM

Lucky

post #272

This is a story about a girl named Britney Lucky...
Lucky...Luck... *Reminded me of Lindsay Lohan movie, Just My Luck...

Hmm....how can we say that someone is lucky? How do we say that he/she has a (very) good luck?
If that person gets all the he/she wants? How can we be sure that he/she gets what he/she wants?
I think it's okay if I say that we, always most of time say that someone is (pretty darn) lucky if he or she gets all the WE THINK he/she wants. But who are we to know exactly what other person really wants? We might assume and our assumption might be correct, might be slightly differ, might be totally wrong. The one and only person who can say that he/she is lucky is that person himself.

I guess that's what below verse trying to say
She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there is nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

I think this song is a bit ironic, looking at Britney's condition lately. When she was at the top of her career (if I may say so), lots of people said that she's very lovely, she's very lucky to have that kind of success in such young age. It seemed that she had it all. Excellent career, throng of fans, lots of money to spend....but deep down inside her... Did she really happy? Just simply, genuinely happy? Or did she miss something in her life? Did she cry at night, thinking about her life?

Her smiles....were they ingenuous? Or were they just perfect smiles that she needed to show to the whole world, carved by impeccable make up?

Another thing about luck. It's not always stick around with us. It might stayed for a while, giving us everything we wanted. But what happened when it left us, while we're already got used to the idea that everything would go as we wanted, that life was so good and we became too comfortable?

Lost in an image, in her dream
But there's no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?

What happened when we'd run out of luck? When everything fell apart, our world was crumbling and things didn't go like we wanted? Wasn't this what happened to Britney? Her popularity decreased, her latest song (well the latest that I knew) was not commercially success in the music market, her marriage didn't work, drugs, depression and other issues circulating around her, including mental stability......

They go…
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"

Hmmmm...not so lovely anymore, wasn't she?

Some people would lose hope, would think there's no point of hoping and dreaming, coz they think they're not lucky enough to realize those dreams. But the fear of dreaming and hoping would only make us more miserable. Why should we dwell on such negativity? Ok, we might not as lucky as others (as per our thought), but again were those people whom we considered lucky, thought that they're lucky? Some people might get more that others, and we as part of the others would think, that person was so darn lucky. But that person might think about it as a burden, not as luck. Complicated, huh? While we're hoping to get what that (lucky) person had, that (lucky) person would trade what he/she had with something else simpler, like a peace of mind perhaps. Hmmm....

What about us? To me, luck was welcomed open handedly. It's great to have it by my side. But I'd try not to get too dependent on it. I realized that it wouldn't stick around forever with me, I had to be prepared when it left me, when I had to get out from my comfort zone to get what I want to get, what I need to achieve.

Beside, I'd consider myself quite lucky to have everything that I had at the moment.... what about you?


Britney Spears - Lucky


This is a story about a girl named Lucky…


Early morning
She wakes up
Knock, knock, knock on the door

It's time for makeup
Perfect smile
It's who they're all waiting for
They go…
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"

And they say

Chorus:
She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there is nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night.

Lost in an image, in her dream
But there's no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning
But tell me what happens when it stops?
They go…
"Isn't she lovely, this Hollywood girl?"

And they say

Chorus


Ay-ay-yeah-eh-eh-yeah
[Narrator] "Best actress, and the winner is…Lucky!"
Ay-ay-yeah-eh-eh-yeah

"I'm Roger Johnson for Pop News standing outside the arena waiting for Lucky"
"Oh my god…here she comes!"

Isn't she lucky, this Hollywood girl?
She's so lucky, but why does she cry?
If there's nothing missing in her life
Why do these tears come at night?!


And they say she's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there is nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night

(she is so luckyyy)
She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there is nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night