Family Man

post #364

Ermmm.....Where should I begin?
Okay I guess I'll start with the interview that change my life course afterward. I got this interview at newspaper in South Florida. My beloved wife, Jenny drove me to the office and gave me that encouragement that I'd have the job. I had a friend who already worked at the newspaper, Sebastian. Short story, the interview was successful and I nailed the job. Jenny was very happy about it coz it's her idea to move somewhere warmer (we came from Michigan btw).

Life had been pretty good actually. We'd been married for 4 years and happy about it. Then one morning, in the middle of breakfast, I was reading Jenny's article (yeah she's a journalist as well) before go to the office when she discovered that her plant was dead. Something that she said afterward struck me. Here's what she said: "How am I ever supposed to take care of a kid if I can't even keep a plant alive?"

Uh oh....Later I talked to my bud, Sebastian. He suggested that I should get a pet...dog. By having dog, I'd still be me and not be a dad...a master instead. Then off he went to Colombia to write a story about cocaine. I took his advice and went to a dog shelter with Jenny. I gave her a surprise by buying her a dog. We got this cheap puppy...we called him Clearance Puppy. But we couldn't take him home just yet. We had to wait for 3 weeks.

I got the dog while Jen was in Gainesville. I ended up naming him Marley, since he seemed like Bob Marley's song that was played on the radio when we were on our way home. Marley was a cute, adorable puppy. On the day I picked up Jen at the airport, there was thunder and I left Marley all alone in the garage. When we're back...we're amazed by the destruction Marley did in just an hour time.

Time passed and Marley grew from a cute, naughty puppy to a bigger, naughtier dog. One day my editor gave me a column. In newspaper world, it's a promotion. I was doubtful at first because I didn't see myself as a columnist. And I was blank....didn't have any idea about what to write. Since Marley was so incorrigible (so we thought), we took him to a dog discipline class. On his first day, he humped the trainer and got banned from the rest of the course. It was kinda funny actually. Then we decided the take the last resort, fertilize him.

I gave my editor the story based on my experiences with Marley..well basically because I didn't have anything else. To my surprise, he loved it. He said it's hysterical and it's very good. He said this when I was walking out of his office, big smile on my face. Listen, you know what makes it work? What makes it work is that you put yourself into it.

Then next all I knew that my column was revolving around Marley. Time went by, two years passed and one night after so many columns I wrote..I saw Jen dancing with Marley. Then I thought the reason not to have baby....nada...One day I took Marley for a walk with Jen and I asked her about the next thing on her list (moving to warmer place was in her list...forgot which step). She said it's a toss between new roof and a baby. I said I could live with a few leaks. Jen tried to confirm my seriousness. I convinced her that I'm ready.

I had a lunch with Sebastian one day and he asked me what made me change my mind. I said to him, Well, here's the thing. I'm actually married to someone and I care about what she wants. He later asked me if that's what I want. I said yeah. It turned out that Sebastian was doing a story for NY Times and he was hoping we can work together. But this kind of job is not really appropriate for a father to be. I was interested. But Jen gave me the news that she's pregnant. So I didn't tell her about Sebastian's offer.

I accompanied Jen to check the baby when her pregnancy was almost 10 weeks. We got the bad news. There was no heart beat. Jen looked very sad. She was quite all the way back home. She just stared out of the car window. Back at home when I was making her some tea and trying to make some conversation, I saw Marley comforting her just by placing his head on her thigh. Then Jen cried. Marley was just sitting there, behaving himself while I tried to comfort Jen.

We decided to take a vacation to Ireland, I thought it'd might help to comfort Jen. Of course we didn't bring Marley along. We had a girl to take care of him while we're away. Not so long after we got back, Jen surprised me with a great news. She was pregnant. Ahh...the luck of Irish.

Then one night...Jen felt it. The baby was coming. Marley helped me unboxing the car seat for the baby. He even behaved very well when I introduced Patrick to him. One day I took Marley to the beach and he looked at a couple making out. Went back home and I saw Jen was holding Patrick as she sang....she looked so adorable. She saw me and smiled. I smiled back.

One night a neighbor was stabbed in an robbery attempt. After that incident I decided to move to Boca. The price was high but I think we could afford it. I talked to Jen about it and she gave me another surprise. She was pregnant again. So I asked a raise to my editor. He said okay if I would be a permanent columnist. I said to him that I had an idea of myself as a reporter. He said: Well, sometimes life comes up with a better idea. Short story, I got a raise and a daily column.

One morning Jen just snapped because of Marley being Marley. I took him to the park with Sebastian. Sebastian asked who would get Marley if we split up. I said to him, mend it, don't end it. So live is better with Jenny than without her? Sebastian asked again.

Then we got into this big fight, Jen asked me to get rid of Marley. In the middle of the heat I said some things I shouldn't have said. So went to Sebastian's, asked him to keep Marley for a while, at least until things cooled down. Sebastian was preparing to move to NY Times. Woww...I hadn't known that.

Later that night I went back home, Jen was sleeping on the couch. She seemed to be waiting for me. She asked about Marley and I told her Marley was at Sebastian for a few days until I could find more permanent home. She said...Marley's home is with us. Then she said sorry because she got overwhelmed. She said no one tells how hard it is....marriage, being a parent. Then she said that she had made a choice, and even if it's harder than she thought, I don't regret it. She said we're gonna get through it, together.

One day when I was spending time with my family, a call from Philadelphia Inquirer, offered me an interview as a reporter. How does it feel to have your best years behind you? You do everything you wanted to? That were the questions I asked Marley when I took him to the beach. Then I unleashed him. He ran to the ocean and the other dogs were unleashed too. But Marley made a scene by pooping in the water. Later that night Jen surprised me with a Birthday party. I forgot it was my birthday, then she gave me a present, her blessings for any job that I'd like to take.

I finally took the offer. We had a big house, life seemed great. One afternoon I went home earlier and when me and my boys went inside, Marley seemed exhausted. He was trembling when stepping on the steps. That night, Marley went missing after I let him go outside. I went looking for him under the rain. I finally found him under a tree, soaked wet. I took him to a veterinarian and she said Marley's stomach twisted. She also said this thing most likely to happen again and that Marley was to old to survive a surgery. I went back home, while Marley stayed there for the night. The phone call I was waiting for came in the morning. Marley's coming home.

Time went by ans everything seemed ok. I even met Sebastian on my way home the other day. He still looked the same n did okay. He was in Philly to cover a story. I went home and took Marley for a walk. One night, Marley slept in front of the fireplace. I slept with him that night. One day Jenny called when I was at the office and told me that Marley was not ok. I went home and took Marley to the vet.

The vet said that it was his stomach again. I called Jenny to tell her about Marley's condition then I stayed there; accompanying Marley. I told him that we love him...that he's a great dog. But as much I wanted him to stay...I had to let him go. The Vet said that the injection won't make Marley feel anything, that he'd just slip away. The moment when Marley closed his eyes for the last time felt like the longest one in my life. I could only stroked his head gently while he's smilingly closing his eyes.

Goodbye Marley, you're the greatest dog ever.

We buried him on our yard. Jen put the necklace I gave her, the one that once was eaten by Marley beside him.

A dog has no use for fancy cars...or big homes or designer clothes...a waterlogged stick will do just fine.
A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb...
Give them your heart and he'll give you his.
How many people can you say that about?
How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special?
How many people can make you feel extraordinary?


My name is John Grogan and this story was about Marley and Me.



Whoaaaa....finally I wrote an entry about Marley and Me. A long one I had to say :D
Been meaning to write this...but haven't really got the time to do so...since I was planning to do a bit of movie review as well, hence the long entry.

Watching this movie was not really planned. I watched it with my homies at Blitzmegaplex MOI, since it's the only movie we hadn't watched in theater. It turned out to be exceeding my expectation. I was expecting a light drama comedy with cute dog....but the movie offered a lot of moral messages, esp for marriage life....some I highlighted with bold.

- what makes it work? Put yourself into it. I think this applies to everything...relationship, career, basically everything we do. If we put ourselves into it...it will work. Of course in relationship it takes two (or more) participating persons to put themselves to make it work.

- when we're in a relationship, we must sometimes put aside our ego. As John said...we need to care about what the other person want. We're in the relationship together and this kind of awareness, respect and care are the ingredients for a lasting relationship.

- how many times life turns out not the way we want it to be? awfully lot I guess. Well....I think we all experience that not all of our plans come out as we expected. But like John's editor said...sometimes life has better plan...in a religious view, God has a different, better plan for each and everyone of us. We just need to be wise enough to realize it and adjust ourselves. Like there's a saying...we cannot change where the wind blows, but we can adjust the sail.

- what to do when we have disagreements or fights? are we gonna runaway? are we gonna look the other way and ignore these? or are we gonna try and make it work? try to find a solution that can be accepted by both? I read somewhere that it's not good to sleep when you're having an argument. But I think it's okay, instead of keep arguing with tired minds and short temper...it's better to cool down, get some rest...and perhaps in the morning, with clear mind we realize how silly the argument was...or we can continue arguing, but with clearer mind and better temper.

- consequences. These are the result of a choice we make. Basically that's what life is all about. You must be ready to bear the consequences of each choice you make. They might be pleasant, or not...but it's your life, it's your decision...and they're your consequences to bear. Perhaps sometimes we think we can bear the consequences of the choice we make....but as time goes by, they seem much harder than we had thought before. But like Jen said...she didn't regret making the choice, so we shouldn't either.There must be some positive things that come out from it.

John and Jen were depicted as a good example of what marriage couple should be. They love, care and support each other. They both had similar visions and wanted same things in life. Those were the things that make it last. Plus...they got Marley...the clearance puppy....

Dog....really is human's best friend.

Darkness Dissected

post #361

I learn that I cannot make someone to love me. All I can do is to be someone that can be loved.

Heard this quote before?

This quote popped in my mind when I listened to Darren Hayes' song, Darkness...especially on this part:

I am famous for my generosity
They say I am the kindest
But it is easier to
Give than receive love
Give than receive love

Currently it's sitting on my daily playlist along with the unmovable Peterpan...I even didn't remember exactly how did I end up listening to Darren's songs again. Ok anyway, back to the song.

When I heard the lines...I said to myself, why Darren wrote the lyric like this?
Easier to give than receive love??!!
Wasn't it the other way around? First I thought, it's wrong. It obviously easier to receive than to give. I don't have to do anything...just receive...receive...receive....

But then I gave it more thought as I listened for the second time, third time...and so on. Then it hit me....I understood why he wrote that. It IS easier to give than to receive. Why?

1. To give means I'm the active party/subject. I'm the one who take the initiative to do something (give). Since I'm the person doing the action, of course I have full control of myself to do whatever action I want to (in this case, give love)

2. To be given (receive)...I have to make other people to be willing to give. I have to have something that attract/move/motivate that/those other person(s) to give love. I have to be...loveable.

Aha...nice one, Darren. Another great lyric. This song, Darkness, was the first (if I'm not mistaken) from his second solo album, The Tension And The Spark. His music changed in this album not really pop like his previous one, Spin (which I love very much). This song was also the first track on the album. The titles were mostly one word. After Darkness, there's Light, Popular, Hero, Unlovable, Void, Feel, Boy....etc.

The second sentence of the above quote I wrote actually could be written like this:
All I can do is to be lovable

So...I have to have some qualities...virtues that make me lovable. That make me the receiver of love. We often try too hard to be loved by giving love to others (or in the lyric, being generous). We think that if we give love, we receive love as return....what happens when this kind of thinking is rooted in our mind?

1. We prone to be easily disappointed/hurt because we tend to expect something in return. When we don't get the kind of return/response we expected before, we become disappointed. We're hurt.

2. To protect ourselves from disappointment and hurt (basic survival instinct), we start to become selective. We choose the person whom we give love to, the person that we think will give some response, something in return. This makes us insincere. I admit, it's more logical, but if this kind of motivation is the only one we have...I can't imagine what kind of world we live in will be like.

In this song, I assumed that Darren build a continuous story with the other song, Unlovable. Darkness was the person's initial condition. Which with the above part thinks that it's easier to give love. To be generous. But generosity cannot buy love, well...not in the context which this song based on. Later on in the song, we're advised to hold on to love. Love (verb) love (noun) itself.....

You'll discover that the monster you were running from
Is the monster in you

Better to hold on to love
Better to hold on to love
Change will come


That's why I think it's necessary to take a step back and concentrate more on ourselves. What are the qualities we have? What are the things that make us lovable? I sincerely believe that no one is unlovable. There's just gotta be something that worth loving from a person. After all (looking from a religious spectacles), we're all made in God's image, right? Well...God is love.

Eulogy

post #357


Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.


I quoted the above supposedly eulogy from Serendipity movie. It was one of my favorite movies. The first time I saw (and instantly fell in love with) Kate Beckinsale. Reading the above sentences, I can squeeze the essence to these points:
- It's not a matter of how much time you spend with someone, but the quality of the times you spend with him/her
- Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, there's gotta be something to it
- Destiny

Well, while people around the world still mourning for Michael Jackson, who passed away few days ago, I think it'd be appropriate to write about this now. That's a thing about life. It's mysterious and no one can be certain how his/her life would end. We might had pictured how we'd die, but in the end, the angel of death might come and pick us at the very unexpected time and situation. And that is destiny. How we die...When we die...What cause our death...Where we die...Why we die....Who's gonna be with us when we die....

How can we foresee it? Hmmmm....looking at the signs? Disease perhaps? Bad health condition? High risk occupation? Unhealthy lifestyle? But again sometimes....there's just no sign at all...quoting a bible verse, death came like a thief in the night...undetected. Or in Jonathan Tragger's words..."What if the absence of signs is a sign?"

Just like we fear darkness, we fear death. Like Dumbledore said, "It is only the unknowing we fear in the face of the darkness and death." This went along with Xenophobia. If we ask ourselves...what do we fear from death? The uncertainty of what's next...That's when religion kicked in. It offered consolation to us. It offered answers (though not in explicitly proven way..I mean who have died and come back to tell us his/her experience after this life?) to the very basic questions we have, such as, we are we here? why do we live? where do we go after this? Well I won't talk much about this, everyone has their own perception about religion...it's just my two cents.

Reminded me of Stephen R. Covey book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. In one of the habits, he mentioned about begin with end in mind. He gave illustration about funeral. Imagine we attend our own funeral. How many people would attend it? I guess the number of people who attend my funeral reflect how many lives I touch (in a good way) during my life. What kind of person I would be remembered by people? There were some eulogies that came into my mind. For the sake of examples, let consider that my name is Jonathan Trager.


Jonathan Trager, died last night from cardiac arrest in his residence at suburban area. He's known as a hard working family man, a loving, faithful husband, and a proud father of two. I believe I can say that he has touched our lives, the people who gather here to pay our last respect, in so many ways that words are not enough to describe. There are many people who consider him as good friend, a wise, witty man whom you can always depend on to share some thoughts and ideas, debate them sometimes. Looking all of you here makes me sad and proud at the same time. Proud because I can see how Jonathan had mean something to you. Sad because he, the person that gathers us all here is just lying there, smiling calmly.... He has had heart problem since few years back, but it hasn't stop him from living his life fully. He still seems vibrant and no one can ever suspect otherwise. I'm sure his passing will be a great loss especially for his family, but I believe he'll never be forgotten, not by us. He will forever live in our hearts as fond memories and his legacy which he pass on through the encounters we have with him will also live with us, enrich our lives.
(This eulogy is presented by my best friend)


Jonathan Trager is my hero. He taught me everything I know, the important lessons in life that make me the man I am today, standing in front of all of you. He's a very devoted person to his family, he loved my mom, his wife, endlessly and vigorously. I believe I can say that he's done an incomparably excellent job raising us, his son and daughter, and I really hope that he's proud with what kind of person we become. It's greatly affected by his guidance all of our lives. I still remember the holidays we had when I was a child, the father and son talks during my teenage, and precious advices he gave me. I'm honored that you come to give him the last respect that he truly deserve. It shows that you care about him, and I, on behalf of my family would like to thank you for that. I believe though it's sad, he's in a better place now, watching us,..smiling proudly upon his son and daughter.
(This eulogy is presented by my son)


Jonathan Trager....is a very compassionate man. At times, I wonder why he chose not to have a family. Perhaps in his lifetime, he hasn't found that soulmate he's been searching for. I've known him since kindergarten and I can say that he's a man of principles. He's very determined and commited person. Though he lived a solitary life, if I may say so, he lived it happily. Maybe even happier than some of the married couples I know. This also proves that happiness comes in many forms. Sometimes we, his friends teased him about him being unmarried, but the truth is we all loved him very much. He's dependable and always there when you need to talk, willing to lend his shoulder to lean on, to cry on....He's a true friend..a rare one. I'm sure you all agree with me on this one. He will be missed and remembered deeply in our hearts.
(This eulogy is presented by my friend)


Hmmmm.....which of the three that would be eulogy for me? Or would be another version? One thing that's sure....if I want to be remembered like that, my actions should reflect that kind of characteristic from now.

What about you? What do you think your eulogy would be?

In memory of Michael Jackson....here's a link to Lisa Marie Presley's blog --> He Knew.
Rest in peace, King of Pop....may you find your eternal peace and happiness.


Michael Jackson - Ben

Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you my friend will see
You've got a friend in me
(You've got a friend in me)

Ben, you're always running here and there
(Here and there)
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
(Anywhere)
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's something you should know
You've got a place to go
(You've got a place to go)

I used to say, "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
(I used to say, "I" and "me")
(Now it's "us", now it's "we")

Ben, most people would turn you away(turn you away)
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(A friend)
Like Ben
(Like Ben)
Like Ben

Life Lessons

post #293

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it. GBU.

Received that sms from a friend yesterday. A quite nice one. The person who sent it was also a nice person. A young, beautiful and attractive mother of two. I remembered the first time I met her, I almost couldn't believe my eyes. Tall, white, slender, stylish. I was wow-ed at that time. Everyone would believe if she said she's still 22 and hadn't given birth. She sent the sms out of the blue. Well I guess that's the thing about women. They like to connect, to keep in touch. Today another friend of mine also called me on YM. We hadn't chatted and met in quite some time. I thought she'd been busy with her work, well it turned out that she's pregnant. Wow...congrats!!!

Anyway, about the sms... there were some thing I'd like to comment. Love the people who treat you right. Well, sometimes the standard of 'treat you (me in this case) right' could differ (slightly). Other could say to me that a person (let say a girl) treated me like shit, that she's only using me to get what she wanted....but if I didn't feel or think like that way about the girl...I wouldn't say that she's treating me wrong. Other people could only talk and give me their point of view, but still I was the one who had to realize (meaning I finally saw from a different perspective) it and decide what to do once I did.

Sometimes we need other people, third person perspective to give a better view of the things we're in, because once we're involved in the thing...whatever it was, system, organization, relationship, etc...we became a part of it and it's very hard to keep that level of objectivity. Like a saying...when people were in love, they only see what they want to see...not see what was really there. Actually, sometimes people only see what they want to see, regardless.

One thing I said over and over again to some friends of mine, 'everything happens for a reason'. Yeah I really believe that there's a lesson (at least) that could be learned from every single thing happened in our life. It depends on us to see, to understand and to get the lesson. No matter how hard the lesson seemed to be. Again, to be able to get the lesson, we might need to see from different point of views. Looking from different angles could lead to different understanding. Yeah I know it's much easier said than done. What if I was the one who always suffer? How long should I suffer to really understand the life lesson I need to learn? What if the lesson felt too hard?? That I couldn't be able to learn it? Could I skip it and take another lesson, something more subtle that I could take?

Similar to my previous blog..how long....? Couldn't be other ways, subtler ones for me to learn the life lessons? Weren't there other people who seemed learn their life lesson very comfortably? Unlike me who had to learn it the hard way, not to mention alone.

Yeah....other people might only help me as far as they could....but each and everyone of us need to learn our own lesson...And how many lessons learned in this life that determine a person's maturity. Just like gold is forged with very high temperature, I think we all had to be really burned to bring out the gold in ourselves. The process is painful...but it'll be worth it. Just don't ask me how long the process...I think I still in the process myself, dunno how much more....Beside nobody said life would be easy, right? I just have to have that believe, that faith...do my best...let God takes care of the rest...Because I have to realize that I have limitation. No matter how hard I try, there are just some things that beyond my strength. Things I cannot change, things I cannot undo, things I cannot stop. That's why I need wisdom to know which are the things I couldn't change and serenity to accept those things.

Sometimes I got weary from learning these endless lessons life thrown at me. Well, not all of them were my fave subjects anyway. Sometimes I got sick and tired...sometimes...all I need was a break....a time to relax, just like kids got holiday after exams. Time to recharge my battery. Time to rejuvenate myself to learn the next lessons. That's when it'd be so great to have friends, people who loved and really cared about me. They could help brush off my weariness, revive my spirit, and give me some hints and supports on the next lessons I was about to take after the break.

I think I've learned lots of lessons. Last Sunday I went karaoke with some friends. Two of the four jombloers couldn't make it, so we had to find substitutes. Two of our jr high friends joined us. We picked up Mansie at her work. She brought her friend. Tall, nice smile, cute face, reminded me of the person who sent me the above sms. The computer network was very slow so we had to wait for them to finish. In the mean time, we talked much. Then we went to Happy Puppy Green Garden. Sang for two hours then ate dinner. It felt very good to sing...yeahhhhh. We dropped off the girls one by one. Along the way we also engaged in quite serious conversation. I learned some valuable lessons there based on their perspective and experience. I realized that it was quite exhausting driving around Jakarta. Probably it's also caused by lack of sleep on Saturday, when I stayed up till 4 AM. Last persons to be dropped off were me and my homie. I went home riding Elisha from Gadink.

On Sunday I was also happy to know...that I could worry less. In time...maybe my presence wouldn't be needed anymore. Oh God, I hope I'd done my role well. I left it all to You...I didn't know what Your plans were...What's the meaning of all...I just believed, though I didn't quite sure I understand completely what lesson I should learn from all these. It's sad, but it might be for the better. I should learn to accept, to understand....come what may..


Originally written at Aug 27, 2008...
Thank to darn Speedy...I had to postpone this till now, Aug 29, 2008...oops Aug 30 actually, around 2 AM


Carrie Underwood - Lessons Learned

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[CHORUS:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[CHORUS]

And all the things that break you,
All the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.


From every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.

Perfect Bullshit

post #251

You are so perfect
In my eyes, you're so beautiful
You make me will always adore you

In each of my steps
I will always think of you
I cannot imagine my life without your love

Don't you leave me
I cannot face it all
Only with you I can

You are my blood, You are my heart
You are my life, complete me
Oh my dear, you are so perfect....
Perfect...

You hold my hand
When I'm weak and fall
You whisper words and erase all my regrets


Sounds sweet, huh? Well not really to me. Ok the song itself is quite catchy and easy listening. But reading the lyric carefully, I don't like it that much. Why? Coz I think it's bullshit (all capitals). I never believe that my happiness is dependent on someone's presence, that I cannot live my life without that person. I've managed to survive this so called harsh life for 20 something years before I met a particular person. How come meeting a person make me lose the survival ability that I've been practicing and mastering all my life? How come since I meet that particular person, I cannot live my life without that person? That person become my life? Come on...get real.... This song is perfect...to get into a girl's pants heart. But think about it thoroughly...yeah really...it just doesn't make any sense (for me).

'I cannot face it all, only with you I can'... then what have I been doing all this time before I meet you? hiding, escaping, avoiding from it all? *smirks 'You are my life, complete me'. Ok, I agree on the latter part, but I don't really like the word you are my life. Hmmm....it gives the impression that that person is everything....welll not really actually. I prefer the term sharing our life. It doesn't necessarily mean that our worlds should be merged into one, instead, we share our world and grow together toward the same direction. Maybe without the presence of that particular person, my life is not complete....but life is about choices. I don't necessarily need someone to make me happy. I (may) need someone to make me happier. Beside, living a full life doesn't necessarily by having someone beside me. There are other ways for that.

That's why I prefer below song rather than the above. It's slow and easy listening too.

Finally I found you
When this heart was starting to doubt
Finally I found you
When this body wanted to harbor

I hope you are the answer to all my worries
And let me love you till the end of my age

If I have you someday
Own me with all of my flaws
And if you're beside me
Please don't ever get tired to love me

Same Old Brand New You

post #235

Repent!

That's the message that is kept repeated over and over again each Lent. Yeah some might get bored with it, some might take it seriously, some might ignore it.

What's the point of repeating the same message?
Well I think it's because human has the tendency to forget, to become lazy after a while....This is to invigorate us, to remind us....

What's the point of repenting if later on we might fall or do the same bad things (or other)? Why bother repenting at all? Aren't we then just making empty promises that we cannot keep?
Errrmmmm....In my opinion....I'd like to use this illustration...what's the point of taking a bath? We might (surely) get dirty again. Why don't we just not take a bath at all? We can save some money from the soap, shampoo, and water..... or Why do we eat? We'll eventually get hungry again after a couple of hours. Why don't we just not eat at all?

It's because eat is a primary need (so does bath actually I think :D). If we don't eat, we'll die. If we don't take a bath, people around us will die when they smell our very strong odor...lolzzz. That's the point, we need to do these activities to keep us alive (and smell good). Then, do we really need to repent? Depends on each person I guess. It's needed because we need to 'clean' ourselves from all the mistakes we've made, just like taking a bath will clean our physical body. We feel more comfortable in doing our activities if our body is clean, right? Well unless you like being filthy and stinky or your line of work require you to be dirty all the time.

I think it's also necessary for each and everyone of us (aside from Catholic dogma or any religion view) to reflect every once in a while. Human has the ability (and drive) to evolve, to be better. Unless you already satisfied with what you are and everything that you own, thus you feel there's nothing more you need. But hey, I'm sure we all most of the time (if not always) want something (or everything? :D) more.

The essence of repent is more in the behavior, on the inside. We need to improve from the core. Yeah appearance is also important but that's what people tend to go after first and forget about the character quality of a person.

See the pic below. My 'old' cellphone looks old, unattractive. The casing has worn off, scratches are everywhere, the display plastic is not crystal clear anymore, and the keypads aren't responsive anymore (not to mention all the numbers and symbols have been totally erased).


But after I bought a new casing and put it on...voila....I (feel like) had a new cellphone (Ok the backlight did a little trick to help giving the impression). I present you my same old brand new cellphone. The machine was still the same, but with only some make over it gave a different impression, huh?


Performance wise, it's still the same. Appearance on the other hand gives different impression. This is what often mislead people, the superficial quality. Ok, it's a machine, it cannot evolve. People can. What's the point changing our appearance if deep down inside we're still the same and not improving? Yeah we might give a different impression to other people, but it's temporary coz sooner or later people will realize that we're still the same old brand new person that they know.

That's why imo bible expects (and urge) behavioral change in Lent, rather than just outer changes, as written in Joel 2 : 13 (see below). And that we're expected to be a new (better) person so we can receive the new wine (symbol of new life).

Repent, and be better.


Joel 2:12-13
12)Yet even now, says the LORD, return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;

13)Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the LORD, your God. For gracious and merciful is he, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment.


Matthew 9:16-17
16)No one patches an old cloak with a piece of unshrunken cloth, for its fullness pulls away from the cloak and the tear gets worse.

17)People do not put new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise the skins burst, the wine spills out, and the skins are ruined. Rather, they pour new wine into fresh wineskins, and both are preserved."



A1 - Same Old Brand New You

I can still remember the time you were there
When I needed to hold you, feel you
Everytime I ask you to find a new way
You lie a new way
Is it gone, gone, gone, gone, gone

You'll change
You'll never change
You're never never gonna keep your promises x 2

You said you'd change
But I'm afraid
It's something I won't live to see
It's seems so strange
That sometimes fate
Can appear to be so real
And yet turn out to be a fantasy

Same old line, one more time
Say you're gonna be, there for me
Say you'll change, change your ways
Never gonna keep your promises
Same old game ( Ben - You know it doesn't turn me on)
Brand new day (Ben - You're singing that same old song)
No more lies (Ben - If you don't wanna find me gone, gone, gone, gone, gone)

Another night, another day
What can I say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break your promises in two
What can I do
When you're the same old brand new you

You'll change, you'll never change
You're never never gonna keep your promises x 2

Because of you, I guess we're through
Is this the way it has to be
I've been a fool (Ben - I've been a fool)
A fool for you (Ben - A fool for you)
But I've got better things to do than let you walk all over me

Same old line, one more time
Say you're gonna be, there for me
Say you'll change, change your ways
Never gonna keep your promises
Same old game (Ben - You know it doesn't turn me on)

Brand new day (Ben - You're singing that same old song)
No more lies (Ben - If you don't wanna find me gone, gone, gone, gone, gone)

Another night, another day
What can I say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break your promises in two
What can I do
When you're the same old brand new you

I can still remember the time you were there
When I needed to hold you, feel you
Everytime I ask you to find a new way
You lie a new way
Is it gone, gone, gone, gone, gone

(Instrumental break)

You'll change, you'll never change
You're never never gonna keep your promises x 2

Same old line, one more time
Say you're gonna be, there for me
Say you'll change, change your ways
Never gonna keep your promises
Same old game (Ben - You know it doesn't turn me on)
Brand new day (Ben - You're singing that same old song)
No more lies (Ben - If you don't wanna find me gone, gone, gone, gone, gone)

Another night, another day
What can I say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break your promises in two
What can I do
When you're still the same old brand new you

Another night, another day
What I can say
You break your promises in two
What can I do

Another night, another day
What I can say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break your promises in two
What can I do
You're still the same old brand new you

Wash Away Your Trace

post #234

Hmmm....enough with the long, song-less posts...this post is dedicated to Peterpan. Since I really love their song, Menghapus Jejakmu, I've been trying to translate it to English (and record it). Here's the result, Menghapus Jejakmu English Version.... The words maybe a lil bit awkward....maybe I'll revise them if I get better ones.

This song along with Jay Chou's Jian Dan Ai are the only songs I like enough (and manage) to translate into English....


AT - Wash Away You Trace (Menghapus Jejakmu English Version)

I keep on walking, forgetting you
I'm tired looking at your behavior
Your way of thinking leaves me in doubt
Impossible that what we have will last

Little by little dreams been bothering me
I've been trying to keep myself away
Little by little my heart is chained
I try to move on with my life


Reff:
You should know you are not my everything
Not a place for me to end my journey
It's over...everything has passed
Let the rain wash away your trace


I keep on walking, forgetting you
I'm tired looking at your behavior
Your way of thinking leaves me in doubt
Impossible that what we have will last

Little by little dreams been bothering me
I've been trying to keep myself away
Little by little my heart is chained
I try to move on with my life

Reff


Let go everything...let go everything....

Reff

You are not my everything
Not a place for me to end my journey
It's over...everything has passed
Let the rain wash away your trace

La la la la la...
La la la la la...
La la la la la...
Let the rain wash away your trace...


Here's how it sounds (I think I need to get a better mic :D)
Wash Away Your Trace

Here's the original Indonesia version (cover version by me, sung at Happy Puppy Green Garden)...noises are noticeable...;p
Menghapus Jejakmu

Life Equalizer

post #229

I used to think that I can only focus on one thing, that if I go after one thing, I have to sacrifice the others. Coz I realize no matter how hard I try, I just can't have it all. Like in below illustration (yeah I know it's not pretty, a bit hasty in making it).

Imagine you're the black circle in the center. Which colored arrow will you choose? Each arrow points a different direction. If I focus on career, I can't have a personal life. Hmmm....gotta be wise in choosing here. But if it's so, then it would be impossible to excel in more than one aspect of life, wouldn't it?

Then...I got this epiphany (I think I had it when I was listening to a song and saw the graphic equalizer). What if I l look at it the wrong way? In that case, I have to change my perspective. How if we see the above illustration in a different way? Like this:


It turned out that we can go after more than one aspect of life but of course we cannot excel in all of them. I'd like to use the term 'Life Equalizer'. You know, like the graphic equalizer we use to set based on our preference when listening to music. WMP, WinAmp have some preset equalizer namely bass boost, treble boost, rock, pop, etc.

Like this (in the green box):



I think basically it's the same with our life. We can set our Life Equalizer based on our preference, our principles. We all have our own priorities in life. It depends on us how do we want to live our lives. Each decision we make set our life equalizer, which eventually determine the music of our life. How our life will be 'heard' by ourselves and others. Some might like it, some other might not like it. Well, everybody has their own taste of music, right?

So, our Life Equalizer can be like this (a simplified version compared to the above pic):

or this:
or this:
Whichever that is, it's our life. Maybe we'll find another person who'll like the sound of our life, which has been set using our Life Equalizer, vice versa. Then we can share our life together with that person, creating a beautiful melody of life.


How bout you? Have you find the right equalizer setting for your life? Have you set it?



Shiratori Emiko - Melodies of Life

Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark
For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart
To weave by picking up the pieces that remain
Melodies of life--love's lost refrain

Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why
We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye
And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told?
Let them ring out loud till they unfold
In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me
Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name

* A voice from the past, joining yours and mine
Adding up the layers of harmony
And so it goes, on and on
Melodies of life,
To the sky beyond the flying birds--forever and beyond

So far and away, see the bird as it flies by
Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky
I've laid my memories and dreams upon those wings
Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings

In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me?
Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind?

* Repeat

If I should leave this lonely world behind
Your voice will still remember our melody
Now I know we'll carry on
Melodies of life
Come circle round and grow deep in our hearts
As long as we remember


Note: charts were added at Feb 25, 2008. The charts were different, but the sum of the points are 2.5. It just a matter of points allocation, which similar to how we allocate our time and effort in life.

Perfect 10

post #201

..Got a secret
Can you keep it?
Swear this one you'll save
Better lock it, in your pocket
Taking this one to the grave
If I show you then I know you
Won't tell what I said
Cause two can keep a secret
If one of them is dead...

Watched Gossip Girl season 1 ep 10 on Tuesday nite, though I was very exhausted. It was perfect! Well done! The storyline was great, the dialogs were witty, and the songs were excellent. Reminded me of Smallville season 1 ep 10 (Shimmer). The scene between Kristin Kreuk and Tom Welling on the barn with sunset on the background.... No wonder #10 has this kind of special aura....football maestros wear this number. 10 represents....perfection....

"..I can't help myself...I never should have let you....let me go.." *Music started to play (The day after, I looked for the song and found it....it's a beautiful sad song)....Dan kissed Serena, carried her, she looked upstairs...Lily smiled at her....

Gossip Girl: (scene cuts to Lily looking at Dan and Serena) It's often said that no matter the truth, people see what they want to see. Some people might take a step back and find out they were looking at the same big picture, all along. (scene cuts to CeCe taking prescription pills) Some people might see that their lies have almost caught up to them. (scene cuts to Nate and Blair in bed) Some people might see what was there all along. (scene cuts to Chuck with baggages walking to his limo) And then there are those other people; the ones who run as far as they can so they don't have to look at themselves.
Chauffer: Where to, Mr. Bass?
Chuck: (looks at the picture of Blair and Nate on the newspaper) The airport.
Gossip Girl: And as for me, I can see clearly now. XOXO Gossip Girl.

As Kristen Bell narrated...the song kept on playing.....

Timbaland feat One Republic - Apologize

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearing what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

Chorus
That it's too late to apologize
It's too late
I said it's too late to apologize
It's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothing new - yeah
I loved you with the a fire red-
[Apologize lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Now it's turning blue, and you say...
"Sorry" like an angel
Heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

Chorus

Whoaa ohhh...

Bridge (guitar/piano)

hey, hey...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah-
I'm holding on your rope, got me ten feet... off the ground...


Is it too late to apologize???