World Clock

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

If Only

post # 115


Last Sunday I went to her spa. When I was parking Elisha, Agus came. Then we both went in and she greeted us. Boy….I almost forgot how adorable she’s. We talked for a while and we moved into the reflexology room. The chair was very comfortable. About 20 minutes later David n Bowo came. The five of us started remembering the times we had back in jr. high, asking how are our other friends doing, etc. after that the four of us went to Happy Puppy (not again….). We really have to find another place to go to..lolz..

I reminisced my feelings by singing few songs that reminds me of the time when I was so naïve, so dumb. Songs like I Want It That Way and All That I Need. Seeing her again was great and it kinda brought a cool breeze. She’s still….loveable. Maybe that’s the thing about wanting something (or someone) you could never have. Because I never have her, I always have this impression, this perception in my mind that she’s exceptional. It’s like having a crush on an artist. We always have this imagination of how good it would be if it had been happened. But in the reality it never happened, and we still carry on our perfect dream perception about that person. Having this kind of emotion makes me wondering, have I moved on? I’m sure I have, but feeling’s a tricky thing. It always manages to mess up with the mind. There’s a good line in Alias… someone who’s master at deception has a very good chance to deceive themselves, deny their own feelings. I guess it’s just because unconsciously I’m trying to fill the void in my heart with this make-believe feelings. Or maybe it’s because the lack of gf to be my OOA. No…it’s not Object Oriented Analysis….but it stands for Object Of Affection (got this term from Smallville)…lolzzz..

Hanson - If Only

Yeah
Cause I need you
Yeah
Cause I need you

Every single time I see you I start to feel this way
It makes me wonder if I am ever gonna feel this way again
There's a picture that's hanging in the back of my head
I see it over and over

I wanna hold you and love you
In my arms and then
I wanna need you
Cause I need to be with you till the end
Then I hear myself reply "You've got to hold it in" this time tonight

chorus:
If only I had the guts to feel this way
If only you'd look at me and want to stay
If only I could take you in my arms and say
I won't go cause I need you
Cause I need you

Yeah

I sit here waiting, wondering, hoping that I'll make this right
Cause all I think about is your hands, your face and all these lonely nights
There's a feeling screaming in the back of my head
Saying it over and over

I wanna hold you and love you
In my arms and then
I wanna need you
Cause I need to be with you till the end
Then I hear myself reply "She'll never let you in" this time tonight

chorus
please don`t go cause I need you now

I wanna hear you say it'll always be this way
And we'll be hand in hand for everynight and everyday
I wanna scream and shout cause I'm losing any doubt
And all I care about is you and me and us and now

chorus
Please don't go cause I need you now

Yeah cause I need you

If only, yeah oh yeah cause I need you now
If only cause I need you, I need you
If only, cause I need you
If only cause I need you
If only, yeah, if only...I need you now....yeah


Talking about move on, there’s also another person who’s moving on. I come to that assumption after reading some of her latest blog entries. Just like I have thought before, it took about two months for her to transform the momentum, her feelings for me, into another form. A bigger and better form I believe. Plus she has other activities that she needs to focus on. I’m glad for her. Been in her position before and I may say I know what it’s like, that it’s just a phase that she’ll get through. An experience that I believe enriches her life, makes her a better person.

Today’s Lorena bday. Haven’t met or had any contact with her in a long time. And the bad news is I lost her phone # in my cellphone incident. Well, I just wanna congratulate her, wishing her the best in this her 22nd birthday. May God bless her even more abundantly.

Writing this blog while listening to Naff – Akhirnya Ku Menemukanmu. It’s a mellow song…my type of song at the moment. Thanks to Moet who sent me this song today.


Naff – Akhirnya Ku Menemukanmu

Akhirnya ku menemukanmu
Saat hati ini mulai merapuh
akhirnya ku menemukanmu
Saat raga ini ingin berlabuh

Ku berharap engkaulah
Jawaban segala risau hatiku
Dan biarkan diriku
Mencintaimu hingga ujung usiaku

Reff:
Jika nanti ku sanding dirimu
Miliki aku dengan segala kelemahanku
Dan bila nanti engkau di sampingku
Jangan pernah letih tuk mencintaiku

Akhirnya ku menemukanmu
Saat hati ini mulai meragu

Ku berharap engkaulah
Jawaban segala risau hatiku
Dan biarkan diriku
Mencintaimu hingga ujung usiaku

Reff (2x)

Akhirnya ku menemukanmu


When will I find you?

1 Comment:

Anonymous said...

comment about ur post...that person is still moving on :D she's trying her best and she also wants to thank u for being with her all this time..ur support, ur concern, ur kindness, ur sincerity means a lot to her :)

 

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