Happy Bithday, Mom

post #186

Happy Birthday to a very special woman in my life, my mom.

Thank you for your unconditional love all this time. I'd be lost without your love.

There are some much I've learned from her. Some of basic things in life, such as hardwork, honesty, sincerity, kind to others..etc. She always seems to have boundless energy when it comes to take care of her family. It's like one of her life mission is to nurture her children the best she can. She always put us ahead of herself. Sometimes I wonder where does she get all the energy to do all the things, all the chores she does. Maybe it's her love that gives her strength to do it all. That's why on this occasion, allow me to say thank you for everything you've done, mom....I know these words aren't enough to express my gratitude and love for you, but I'm pretty sure there are no words will be enough to say it.

I'd like to dedicate these songs just for you, mom. I hope I can be the perfect son.


Sheila On 7 - Just For My Mom

Sometimes I feel my heart so lonely but it's ok
No matter how my girl just left me and I just don't care
Whenever the rain comes down and it's seems there's no one to hold me
She's there for me, its she's my mom

(Repeat)
Just for my mom, I write my song
Just for my mom, I sing this song
Its just for mom, can wipe my tears
Its just my mom, can only here

Trap in a subway, can't remember the day but I feel ok
Damped in damn situation, in every condition with no conclusion
Whenever the rain comes down and it's seems there's no one to hold me
She's there for me, its she's my mom

You may say I have no one,to cover me under the sun
You only get it from your mom



Backstreet Boys - Perfect Fan

It takes a lot to know what is love
It's not the big thing but the little things
That can mean enough
A lot of players to get me through
There is never a day that passes by
I don't think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me
Always to succeed


You showed me
When i was young just how to grow
You showed me everything that i should know
You showed me just how to walk without your hands
'Cause mom you always were the perfect fan


God has been so good
With blessing me with the family
Who did all they could
And I've had many years of Grace
And it flatters me when i see a smile on your face
I wanna thank you for what you've done
In hopes I can give back to you
And be the perfect son


You showed me
When i was young just how to grow
You showed me everything that i should know
You showed me just how to walk without your hands
'Cause mom you always were the perfect fan


You showed me how to love
You showed me how to care
And showed me that you would always be there
I wanna thank you for the time
And i'm proud to say you're mine


You showed me
When i was young just how to grow
You showed me everything that i should know
You showed me just how to walk without your hands
'Cause mom you always were the perfect fan


'Cause Mom you always were, Mom you always were
Mom you always were...the perfect fan


I Love You Mom

Goodbye Hunny

post #185

It's over. No more lingering...Well, what do you expect? Who do you think you're fooling, you stupid man....Why do I still keep all of her messages back from last October? Do I secretly lean on a tiny hope that I could be the man that deserve her? That I could be good enough.....

The moment had slipped away....There's nothing left to say....
Darn....my heart still aching...need some relief.....

I can only cherish that moment...until it fades away in time...if it ever fade

Peterpan ~ Hari Yang Cerah Untuk Jiwa Yang Sepi

pagi biar kusendiri
jangan kau mendekat
wahai matahari
dingin hati yang bersedih
tak begitu tenang
mulai terabaikan

hari yang cerah untuk jiwa yang sepi
begitu terang untuk cinta yang mati
ah… ku coba bertahan dan tak bisa

kubu langit kelabuku
tak begitu luas
seperti memudar
kini tak terulang lagi
di hari yang cerah
dia telah pergi

hari yang cerah untuk jiwa yang sepi
ahh… ku coba bertahan dan tak bisa
ahh… mencoba melawan ku lepas
hari yang cerah untuk jiwa yang sepi…
begitu terang untuk jiwa yang mati

ahh… kucoba bertahan dah tak bisa
ahh… mencoba melawan ku lepas
semua telah hilang ….
semua telah ….


You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

There's nothing left to say but goodbye ...


July 11, 2007 @ 8.45 PM

I'm content....(Am I???) we talked and it was like nothing has changed...except the fact that the hope to have her, to hold her...to call her mine has vanish... Is this the feeling I need to walk with?
Yesterday I was still overwhelmed I decided to go home early, since it's obvious I couldn't work well in such condition. Instead, I read again our chat log..reliving the moment that would never come back...Why do you cling to the past? Coz past is all I have?
Am I not selfish enough not to want her so bad....to be content with this....I just can't hate her....no reason for it....Her warmth left me helpless...maybe because I care for her and realize it's for the better...?
Emotions....such a great power....just have to channel this vast energy to something constructive....like bury myself in work? yeah right...Well...this agony that's eating me from the inside will fade eventually....another lesson learned from this....

I'm Not Your Everything

post #184

"...Engkau bukanlah segalaku
Bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
Usai sudah semua berlalu
Biar hujan menghapus jejakmu..."


played on my ear when I was trying to call her about 2 weeks ago. I was stunned coz it catchy, easly listening and I was sure I'd had heard it before. I was sure that it's Peterpan song (I recognized Ariel's voice and singing style) but I didn't know the title. I even called her twice just to listen to the lyric, since she didn't pick up...then at that very night, I searched for this song, got it from multiply and since then I've been addicted to it.

It felt like she was trying to say something with the song.....to me. Maybe I was just reading too much into it...Dunno...my logical mind has been battling with emotions these days and it's been losing...My emotions got the best of me....is it a good thing? Not sure bout it.


"You know I'm such a fool for you...You got me wrapped around your fingers...Do you have to let it linger...do you have to....do you have to...do you have to let it linger?"


We had quite long talk the other day, it's always nice to hear her voice....she said she thought someone who hasn't been in a relationship for so long (ie...me) usually either too picky or has something wrong. Well, what if I'm both? Have I been such a successful pdf that I pseudo-unconciously have a reluctancy to start something, to be in status quo.

Maybe I was trying too hard to rekindle the moment we had, a brief moment when I fell...But now she's the one that leaves me in doubt. We had a talk about this before and we came to a consensus about how things supposed to go. But after all these times, I never thought that I'd lose my mind...


I said I wasn’t gonna lose my head, but then
POP! Goes my heart.
I wasn’t gonna fall in love again, but then
POP! Goes my heart.
And I just can’t let you go,
I can’t lose this feeling.


Have I been trying too hard to rekindle that moment we had? I still remember her words at that time, maybe we were just carried away....it's all maybe...tried to talk but it's always been my weakness to express my thoughts verbally in serious context....why we're still in status quo... We need to move on.... I need to move on...

She read my MSN status where I quoted Gwen's song....

"And all I know is...You've got to give me everything...Nothing less 'cause...You know I give you all of me"

what if all of me is not good enough for her?

"...but I know that it's just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that"

Yes, she deserves more than that. I wrote on my previous blog, yes you like somebody and let say hypothetically the feeling is mutual, then what? I've been giving lots of thoughts and maybe some of them are too far ahead.....too focused on the compatibility issues...


Could I be good enough
Could I be good enough
If the going got worse
And the worse got rough
The days became endless
And harder than tough
I’d be good enough
Better than best
Would be simply to be good enough
If everything I give
Doesn’t seem like a lot
If it’s all that I got
Baby tell that could be good enough


Am I good enough for her? Am I better than the best?
Never thought that my fortress wall can be crumbled without being noticed. But that's ok, it has been repaired now. Dunno the rest of the story...coz it's still unwritten and though I have a little confidence, this doubt is still irritating.....will it end like James Blunt's song? I'll leave it up to you....God

"But it's time to face the truth...I will never be with you..."


A little recap, works been great, got ahead of the schedule, played bowling yesterday plus went home early, watched Music n Lyric on Tuesday...a great movie. And another great news I got today was that Livia's three months pregnant....wowwwww......congratss......!!!!

Last week I finally went karaoke with my buds and of course the first song that I sing was Peterpan - Menghapus Jejakmu. Here's the cover version....by me.

"...Aku bukanlah segalamu
Bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahmu
Usai sudah semua berlalu
Biar kucoba hapus jejakmu..."


Peterpan – Menghapus Jejakmu (cover version by me)

Terus melangkah melupakanmu
Lelah hati perhatikan sikapmu
Jalan pikiranmu buatku ragu
Tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan

Perlahan mimpi terasa mengganggu
Kucoba untuk terus menjauh
Perlahan hatiku terbelenggu
Kucoba untuk lanjutkan itu

Engkau bukanlah segalaku
Bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
Usai sudah semua berlalu
Biar hujan menghapus jejakmu

Terus melangkah melupakanmu
Belah hati perhatikan sikapmu
Jalan pikiranmu buatku ragu
Tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan

Perlahan mimpi terasa mengganggu
Kucoba untuk terus menjauh
Perlahan hatiku terbelenggu
Kucoba untuk lanjutkan itu

Engkau bukanlah segalaku
Bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
Usai sudah semua berlalu
Biar hujan menghapus jejakmu

Lepaskan segalanya
Lepaskan segalanya

Engkau bukanlah segalaku
Bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahku
Usai sudah semua berlalu
Biar hujan menghapus jejakmu

Nanananana
Nanananana
Nanananana
Nanananana
Nanananana
Nanananana


my own revised version of the lyric


Divine Distinction - Hapus Jejakku

Berat langkahku menepikanmu
Bukan maksud ‘tuk bersikap begitu
Ingin kuungkapkan isi hatiku
Kuingin ini tetap bertahan

Perlahan mimpi berangsur memudar
Kucoba simpan bayang wajahmu
Perlahan hati mulai meragu
Kucoba terus kecap hangatmu

Aku bukanlah segalamu
Bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahmu
Usai sudah semua berlalu
Biar hatimu hapus jejakku

Berat langkahku menepikanmu
Bukan maksud ‘tuk bersikap begitu
Ingin kuungkapkan isi hatiku
Kuingin ini tetap bertahan

Perlahan mimpi berangsur memudar
Kucoba simpan bayang wajahmu
Perlahan hati mulai meragu
Kucoba terus kecap hangatmu

Aku bukanlah segalamu
Bukan tempat tuk hentikan langkahmu
Usai sudah semua berlalu
Biar hatimu hapus jejakku

Lepaskan segalanya
Lepaskan segalanya

Aku bukanlah segalamu
Ada yang lebih baik untuk kamu
Usai sudah semua berlalu
Biar hatimu hapus jejakku

Nanananana
Nanananana
Nanananana
Nanananana
Nanananana
Nanananana