post #288
My friends often said that I'm too logical, cold, and not emotional. I seldom got carried away, blinded by emotions and acted solely driven by them. I usually took a step back, tried to look from a different perspective, combined with logical thinking before making any decision to jump into the water or not.
There's a quite good reason for that, I think. Sometimes (if not most of the times), the decision we make, the things we do when we're strongly influenced only by feelings might not be the best. We might regret doing or making those decisions/actions. A simple example: Let say I'm angry with someone, then in the spur of the moment, I said something that (I know for sure) hurt that person's feeling, though I didn't intentionally mean it. It was my emotions that drove me to say those harsh words. Later when the emotions subside, when I was calm down, I'd regret saying those things. Not to mentions if actually I was angry because of something/someone else,but that person was 'lucky' to be my sand bag.
Even if I was angry with that person, ermmm...I usually took a deep breath...tried to think positive...why should I be angry? was I angry with a good reason? should I say/do things that might hurt that person only to satisfy my anger? was it worth it? *Ermmm...maybe that's why friends of mine used to say that I'm too slow (as in processing information and emotions....). A bit frozen I guess.
Anyway...ok after the anger subsided, yes I could apologize to that person, sincerely and hoped that person would forgive me. But there's a chance that that person might not forgive me. Maybe I'd crossed the line too many times, or reached that point of no return where the damage was too big to be undone. Then...I'd only have myself to blame.
Or maybe that person was kind or forgiving enough to forgive me. Ermm...probably if the person was forgetful enough, I'd be spared from guilt, since he/she wouldn't remember the hurt I caused. But, still the damage was done. I couldn't turn back time and take back those words/things. There's a story I like to illustrate about this.
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you."
"Of course I can," said the father.
Ok, I couldn't really compare people with fence, but the point was, though that person that I hurt could forgive me, still I already made a damage. Yeah, I wouldn't hurt that person intentionally, I was being blinded by my emotions (anger), right? Moreover if that person was someone close to me. I'd have better chance to hurt that person. That's why I think it's better to prevent (hurting people coz I was in bad temper) than to cure (apologize for my blurt and regret for the damage that had been done).
Or...maybe...just maybe...the more often I got angry and say/do bad things the person close to me, that person could adapt (or become numb???) to my character (bad tempered)....hmmm.....But, was this character (bad tempered) worth keeping? Or was it better to keep that person? I could ask that person who's close to me to understand me, to adapt with my character....but on the other hand, I should also be sensible, put my ego aside...I should try to understand that person and adapt as well. It's not about not being (the bad tempered) me....but more to evolve...to grow...to be better...if the changes was for the better...why wouldn't I change? It's about being a better me.
Well...probably this kind of thinking that made me considered cold and emotionless. That I seldom jump into chances and just seize the moment. That I wasn't really live....too much thinking and analyzing.... Ermmm...been trying to balance but it's not as easy as it may seem. Maybe because my heart been frozen for quite some time...it's shy to embrace the warmth of emotions. I actually embraced them, but maybe my heart wasn't opened big enough, plus tried to combine it with clear thinking to get the best mixture.
Speaking of mixture....been busy birthday week. A friend of mine celebrated her birthday on Aug 2. She invited me to go clubbing, but I wasn't interested so I declined. Three of my friends shared same birthday on Aug 6. Two females and one male. *Don't think about threesome....lolzzz... Then the cute girl who happened to be my junior in university (update: she's also my junior in jr high....WTH!!!...lolzzz) birthday was on Aug 7. Again I wish them more success in life n love...lot of laughs, warmth of family, joy and comfort of love may stay under their roofs...God bless them in each step they make...
Today...the special number of 888, the starting of (Summer) Olympic Games 2008, also a birthday of a friend I knew from a forum. This sunday, another would be celebrating her birthday.....really...really full week. Not to mention next week, two of my friends would be celebrating their birthday. Then the week after that...another friend's birthday...full till the end of month.... Maybe their parents had the same schedule.....lolzzzz....
And starting next week, I should prepare for the 'torture' again. Long working hours were already visible....*sigh.... my good times was about to end.... there's a time to relax...there's a time to work like crazy... (not too crazy I hope)... really...everything has it's own time...time to listen to my heart...time to listen to my mind...time to listen to both....time to be frozen....time to be fiery...time to relax....time to suffer (please don't long long lahhhhh for this one)...lolzzz
And now...it's time to sleep. Buona Notte.
Madonna - Frozen
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken
Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
If I could melt your heart
My friends often said that I'm too logical, cold, and not emotional. I seldom got carried away, blinded by emotions and acted solely driven by them. I usually took a step back, tried to look from a different perspective, combined with logical thinking before making any decision to jump into the water or not.
There's a quite good reason for that, I think. Sometimes (if not most of the times), the decision we make, the things we do when we're strongly influenced only by feelings might not be the best. We might regret doing or making those decisions/actions. A simple example: Let say I'm angry with someone, then in the spur of the moment, I said something that (I know for sure) hurt that person's feeling, though I didn't intentionally mean it. It was my emotions that drove me to say those harsh words. Later when the emotions subside, when I was calm down, I'd regret saying those things. Not to mentions if actually I was angry because of something/someone else,but that person was 'lucky' to be my sand bag.
Even if I was angry with that person, ermmm...I usually took a deep breath...tried to think positive...why should I be angry? was I angry with a good reason? should I say/do things that might hurt that person only to satisfy my anger? was it worth it? *Ermmm...maybe that's why friends of mine used to say that I'm too slow (as in processing information and emotions....). A bit frozen I guess.
Anyway...ok after the anger subsided, yes I could apologize to that person, sincerely and hoped that person would forgive me. But there's a chance that that person might not forgive me. Maybe I'd crossed the line too many times, or reached that point of no return where the damage was too big to be undone. Then...I'd only have myself to blame.
Or maybe that person was kind or forgiving enough to forgive me. Ermm...probably if the person was forgetful enough, I'd be spared from guilt, since he/she wouldn't remember the hurt I caused. But, still the damage was done. I couldn't turn back time and take back those words/things. There's a story I like to illustrate about this.
There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.
The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."
The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you."
"Of course I can," said the father.
Ok, I couldn't really compare people with fence, but the point was, though that person that I hurt could forgive me, still I already made a damage. Yeah, I wouldn't hurt that person intentionally, I was being blinded by my emotions (anger), right? Moreover if that person was someone close to me. I'd have better chance to hurt that person. That's why I think it's better to prevent (hurting people coz I was in bad temper) than to cure (apologize for my blurt and regret for the damage that had been done).
Or...maybe...just maybe...the more often I got angry and say/do bad things the person close to me, that person could adapt (or become numb???) to my character (bad tempered)....hmmm.....But, was this character (bad tempered) worth keeping? Or was it better to keep that person? I could ask that person who's close to me to understand me, to adapt with my character....but on the other hand, I should also be sensible, put my ego aside...I should try to understand that person and adapt as well. It's not about not being (the bad tempered) me....but more to evolve...to grow...to be better...if the changes was for the better...why wouldn't I change? It's about being a better me.
Well...probably this kind of thinking that made me considered cold and emotionless. That I seldom jump into chances and just seize the moment. That I wasn't really live....too much thinking and analyzing.... Ermmm...been trying to balance but it's not as easy as it may seem. Maybe because my heart been frozen for quite some time...it's shy to embrace the warmth of emotions. I actually embraced them, but maybe my heart wasn't opened big enough, plus tried to combine it with clear thinking to get the best mixture.
Speaking of mixture....been busy birthday week. A friend of mine celebrated her birthday on Aug 2. She invited me to go clubbing, but I wasn't interested so I declined. Three of my friends shared same birthday on Aug 6. Two females and one male. *Don't think about threesome....lolzzz... Then the cute girl who happened to be my junior in university (update: she's also my junior in jr high....WTH!!!...lolzzz) birthday was on Aug 7. Again I wish them more success in life n love...lot of laughs, warmth of family, joy and comfort of love may stay under their roofs...God bless them in each step they make...
Today...the special number of 888, the starting of (Summer) Olympic Games 2008, also a birthday of a friend I knew from a forum. This sunday, another would be celebrating her birthday.....really...really full week. Not to mention next week, two of my friends would be celebrating their birthday. Then the week after that...another friend's birthday...full till the end of month.... Maybe their parents had the same schedule.....lolzzzz....
And starting next week, I should prepare for the 'torture' again. Long working hours were already visible....*sigh.... my good times was about to end.... there's a time to relax...there's a time to work like crazy... (not too crazy I hope)... really...everything has it's own time...time to listen to my heart...time to listen to my mind...time to listen to both....time to be frozen....time to be fiery...time to relax....time to suffer (please don't long long lahhhhh for this one)...lolzzz
And now...it's time to sleep. Buona Notte.
Madonna - Frozen
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken
Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key
If I could melt your heart
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