post #367
Had a chat with a friend of mine and came up with a conclusion......women are weird. Imagine this:
There's a guy, let say his name was A. A was attracted to a girl, let say her name was B. A was introduced to B by his friend (C). After the introduction, A started to conversation with B. It seemed like they hit it off (at least from A's point of view). They often chatted via YM and the conversation flowed naturally. There were some positive responses (or in girl's term, signals) from B. Well, B sometimes took the initiative to call A first (this could be categorized as a positive signal, right?). At some point (a few weeks), A thought it's time to ask B out. So he did.
A took her out on a lunch and it seemed to go well. But after that, lately A felt that B was not as responsive as she had been. She never called him first. Their chat session became a kind of QnA session; A asked, B answered. It seemed to A that B didn't enjoy their chat session as much as she had been before. A knew that B was busy with her job and other things she needed to take care of. Not to mention that the clock was still ticking and there's a deadline that B had to meet. But still....the change of situation made A wonder....what?? why??
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From my experience (and some enlightenment from female friends)....given the circumstances, there were two possibilities. First, she's just not that into him anymore. That's why she never initiated conversation. Perhaps after a while getting to know A, she (slowly) lost her feelings (if there's any in the first place). B only replied and answered A out of courtesy, as a polite talk. Second, B was testing A. She wanted to know how far A would go to make an approach to her. She was being coy to see how much A wanted her.
I discussed this with a female friend (to get a perspective from the opposite sex) and she's agreeing with the above hypothesis. In B's mind, she was giving CLEAR signals, while on the other hand.....A was lost in translation. Deciphering Girl's Signal 101 was a subject that we, guys, didn't take back in college....or even if we did take, we all flunked....It's the thing with these signals that girls like to throw at guys. There were just too many exceptions which varied heavily based on the circumstances, plus there were many variables that needed to be taken into the equation to correctly decipher them. Hence, most of the times these signals were misinterpreted.
Girls, let me tell you one thing. Guys usually think logically. We are not trained, not to mention well educated to grasp the signals flying around in the air. We do not have that wi-fi capability to catch the signals, let alone decode them and tap into the network of a girl's mind. From my understanding, A was wondering between these two possibilities. If it's the first then it'd be better for him to take a step back.....if it's the second, he'd better keep on going to show her that his intentions were for real.
And if it's really the first possibility, there were two options that make things a bit complicated. If he took a step back that's too far....B might be thinking....hhmmm....guys were all the same....dissapear when things didn't go like they wanted them to. If he took a step back that's too little, B might be thinking....hhmmmm....this guy was so stupid. I clearly gave signals that I was interested, that I wasn't into him....why did he still approach me? Did I really need to say it out loud?*
*In my opinion....yes please do say it out loud...we, guys are dumb....we couldn't take a hint that is vaguely given. We are not as highly evolved as girls in this department.
If it's the second possibility, again there were two options that make things a bit interesting. If he keep on going boldly, she might be thinking....geez....this guy's very aggresive...it kinda freaked me out. If he keep on going slowly, she might be thinking....this guys's indecisive....did he want me or not? Come on, be a man, make a clear gesture....
Hence this lead to a question, how much enough is enough?
Unfortunately, the answer to this question is vary. Each girl could have different answer.
My friend also told me that girls are often shy. They didn't say exactly what's on their mind. They wanted the guy to understand them, to know what they want. Well, for simple things (by simple I mean very basic, clear signal....you know like traffic light, only Red, Yellow, and Green), we can decipher them....But for intermediate level, we're overwhelmed with the number of variables involved in the equation. For advanced level....we're simply lost.
If I see from the breakdown to those 4 possibilities, there's one common thing they all share. They're all based on signal interpretation. This signal translation is unreliable because like I said earlier, each sender has different standard....the receiver was not competent to correctly interpret...plus they both have their own standard of signal transmission...in short, they're all based on assumption.
I guess she's not into me....She pulled away a bit because she wanted to see how bad you want her....She pulled away a bit because she wanted to tell you, nicely, that you're not her type....These are some examples of the things we conclude based on the assumption we made about the signals we received (we refer to guys).
If that so....there would have been awfully lottttt of miscommunication happened then (wait, there already were). Actually there's one proven method to resolve this.
Talk. (Girls, please) Don't give signals. Please stop this mind game. Talk, have an open communication. This surely saves a lot of time and energy for both. We don't have to force every GHz of our brain processor to decode the signals that we might received incorrectly or incomplete in the first place...or decode using the wrong decryption key.....Create a dedicated channel for both to communicate.
Ok, in some culture it's expected that guys make the first move. So guys....if you're wondering, unsure, and so on....talk to her.....ask her to clarify. And girls, please be forward about it. If you're not into him, ignore him. Be cruel. It's better that way. I always believe that an honest communication is one of the essences of a lasting relationship, whatever relationship it may be.
Had a chat with a friend of mine and came up with a conclusion......women are weird. Imagine this:
There's a guy, let say his name was A. A was attracted to a girl, let say her name was B. A was introduced to B by his friend (C). After the introduction, A started to conversation with B. It seemed like they hit it off (at least from A's point of view). They often chatted via YM and the conversation flowed naturally. There were some positive responses (or in girl's term, signals) from B. Well, B sometimes took the initiative to call A first (this could be categorized as a positive signal, right?). At some point (a few weeks), A thought it's time to ask B out. So he did.
A took her out on a lunch and it seemed to go well. But after that, lately A felt that B was not as responsive as she had been. She never called him first. Their chat session became a kind of QnA session; A asked, B answered. It seemed to A that B didn't enjoy their chat session as much as she had been before. A knew that B was busy with her job and other things she needed to take care of. Not to mention that the clock was still ticking and there's a deadline that B had to meet. But still....the change of situation made A wonder....what?? why??
-------------------------------------------
From my experience (and some enlightenment from female friends)....given the circumstances, there were two possibilities. First, she's just not that into him anymore. That's why she never initiated conversation. Perhaps after a while getting to know A, she (slowly) lost her feelings (if there's any in the first place). B only replied and answered A out of courtesy, as a polite talk. Second, B was testing A. She wanted to know how far A would go to make an approach to her. She was being coy to see how much A wanted her.
I discussed this with a female friend (to get a perspective from the opposite sex) and she's agreeing with the above hypothesis. In B's mind, she was giving CLEAR signals, while on the other hand.....A was lost in translation. Deciphering Girl's Signal 101 was a subject that we, guys, didn't take back in college....or even if we did take, we all flunked....It's the thing with these signals that girls like to throw at guys. There were just too many exceptions which varied heavily based on the circumstances, plus there were many variables that needed to be taken into the equation to correctly decipher them. Hence, most of the times these signals were misinterpreted.
Girls, let me tell you one thing. Guys usually think logically. We are not trained, not to mention well educated to grasp the signals flying around in the air. We do not have that wi-fi capability to catch the signals, let alone decode them and tap into the network of a girl's mind. From my understanding, A was wondering between these two possibilities. If it's the first then it'd be better for him to take a step back.....if it's the second, he'd better keep on going to show her that his intentions were for real.
And if it's really the first possibility, there were two options that make things a bit complicated. If he took a step back that's too far....B might be thinking....hhmmm....guys were all the same....dissapear when things didn't go like they wanted them to. If he took a step back that's too little, B might be thinking....hhmmmm....this guy was so stupid. I clearly gave signals that I was interested, that I wasn't into him....why did he still approach me? Did I really need to say it out loud?*
*In my opinion....yes please do say it out loud...we, guys are dumb....we couldn't take a hint that is vaguely given. We are not as highly evolved as girls in this department.
If it's the second possibility, again there were two options that make things a bit interesting. If he keep on going boldly, she might be thinking....geez....this guy's very aggresive...it kinda freaked me out. If he keep on going slowly, she might be thinking....this guys's indecisive....did he want me or not? Come on, be a man, make a clear gesture....
Hence this lead to a question, how much enough is enough?
Unfortunately, the answer to this question is vary. Each girl could have different answer.
My friend also told me that girls are often shy. They didn't say exactly what's on their mind. They wanted the guy to understand them, to know what they want. Well, for simple things (by simple I mean very basic, clear signal....you know like traffic light, only Red, Yellow, and Green), we can decipher them....But for intermediate level, we're overwhelmed with the number of variables involved in the equation. For advanced level....we're simply lost.
If I see from the breakdown to those 4 possibilities, there's one common thing they all share. They're all based on signal interpretation. This signal translation is unreliable because like I said earlier, each sender has different standard....the receiver was not competent to correctly interpret...plus they both have their own standard of signal transmission...in short, they're all based on assumption.
I guess she's not into me....She pulled away a bit because she wanted to see how bad you want her....She pulled away a bit because she wanted to tell you, nicely, that you're not her type....These are some examples of the things we conclude based on the assumption we made about the signals we received (we refer to guys).
If that so....there would have been awfully lottttt of miscommunication happened then (wait, there already were). Actually there's one proven method to resolve this.
Talk. (Girls, please) Don't give signals. Please stop this mind game. Talk, have an open communication. This surely saves a lot of time and energy for both. We don't have to force every GHz of our brain processor to decode the signals that we might received incorrectly or incomplete in the first place...or decode using the wrong decryption key.....Create a dedicated channel for both to communicate.
Ok, in some culture it's expected that guys make the first move. So guys....if you're wondering, unsure, and so on....talk to her.....ask her to clarify. And girls, please be forward about it. If you're not into him, ignore him. Be cruel. It's better that way. I always believe that an honest communication is one of the essences of a lasting relationship, whatever relationship it may be.
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