Burn

post #250

My mom always said nothing would break me or lead me astray
Who would have guessed I'd let my mind drift so far away


Westlife's song accompanied me and mom while she's shopping at Farmers Market this morning. Well she finally got what she's looking after for, two pieces of clothes. Didn't get the sandals though, but we had 4 liters of juice....yummy...

Quite a revelation that I had yesterday. A great way to close quite plain afternoon. Was it a saturation point? Ermm...I think not...dunno...That night I also had another revelation that made me ... *sigh Dunno the right words.... Dunno which one's hurting more... my ego or my heart. Finally get to see his face. But it didn't satisfy me nor my curiosity at all. It only brought this negativity I've been trying to brush off. Darn...sometimes my curiosity got the better of me.

Why? How come....ain't nothing but a heartache.... ain't nothing but a mistake....tell me why....why couldn't I brush it off with a good nite sleep? It usually worked. It's really hard to keep that third person objectivity when you're involved in the matter. The main reason was because you're not that third person anymore, you're part of the system, the issue.

'...It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
we da been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn...'

Why does someone keep staying in a relationship when he/she's hurting? when he/she's not happy being in it?
Answer #1: Maybe because he/she's still trying to work it out...but how long could he/she hold on in the 'torture'? It takes two to tango. A person cannot work a relationship alone, it takes the counterpart's effort as well to make it work.
Answer #2: Maybe because he/she's still care, still have feelings for her/him....again...how long this feelings can last? Feelings can fade away and it can fade lot faster when the other party doesn't express the same feelings.

Feelings...it never easy when it comes to it. Maybe I should learn from a friend who's been sacrificing his emotions for quite some time, willing to hurt a lot for someone he's still really care about. But eventually...this feeling will change to tired...sick of...

I've learned I cannot change a person's basic character. Maybe I expected more than that from her, that she could stand up, make a stand and fight for it. I just don't understand....it's beyond my logic...maybe it's answer #2...*sigh...there are things you might not understand yet, maybe later....maybe never. My heart is burnt and I dunno which one caused it. When will it stop... maybe this just a temporary insanity, being overwhelmed with information.....when the time comes, probably I'd have to do what I'm excellent in..suppress my emotions by turning off the right brain switch that's been switched on lately. Many thoughts raging inside my head, I need to find my serenity, my moment of peace...and there's one place I can think of at the moment.....


Usher - Burn

I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you i just,
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to
Let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

[Verse 1]
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
we da been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

[Chorus]
When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We knew it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

[Verse 2]
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
And all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my boo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)

[Chorus]

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me
that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down
and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me
that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return

[Chorus]