post #247
'...Ku akui aku merindukanmu
Meski ternyata tak pernah kau merindukanku
Tapi ku tak pernah bisa
Melakukan apa yang seharusnya kuinginkan
Karena memang kau bukan milikku...
Kejujuran hati yang tak mungkin dapat kupungkiri
Keinginanku untuk kau tau isi hatiku...'
Sunday. It's been a week....in wonderland. Is it already time to go back to the real world? To the usual routines....I still linger for this kinda moment...I still wanna feel this euphoria, gosh, I forgot has it been since I felt this way. But my logical side of brain kept reminding me of this Matrix Revolution tag line...'Everything that has a beginning, has and end...' in short, it's the same with Maroon 5 song, Nothing Last Forever.
I finally escaped from work on Friday *phew..... Never underestimate the power of prayer. If it based on sincere intention, it might be granted. I managed to borrow some more time I needed (or wanted?), just to feel that way a little bit more.
And today, after a quite some time, I got up early and attended the first Sunday mass. Well, I found it hard to sleep last nite, some thoughts just didn't stop dancing in the corners of my mind. I woke up several times during five hour of sleep, though I was just playing futsal last nite and really exhausted (plus u injured) from the game. I just couldn't sleep well.
Met Eddy and the rest of the prayer gathering group after the mass. They were selling some snack to raise money for the retreat they're going to have next month (if I wasn't mistaken). It's also been a while since the last time I was actively involved. Back when I still had more free time to be dedicated. *sigh Everything really has it's time and place. We couldn't stop the time, no matter how much we wanted it.
I want to stop the time from passing by
I wanna close my eyes and feel your lips are touching mine
Baby when you're close to me
I want you more each time
And there's nothing I can do, to keep from loving you
I was thinking how the time goes by and the times we spend together's gonna fly.
Here we are, face to face
We forget, time and place
Hold me now, don't let go
Though it hurts and we both know
The time we spend together's gonna fly
And everything you do to me
Is gonna feel so right
Baby when you're loving me
I feel like I could cry
'Cause there's nothing I can do
To keep from loving you
Is it wrong to expect a lil bit response? No it isn't. It's normal, it's natural, it's human. But remember, you already said and made a promise. Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep. She'd been perfectly clear when she said that. It's your decision, the choice you took. You have to be ready for the consequences, including this.
Yeah I know that. I just never thought it's gonna be this hard. But again I realized that if I had this kind of thinking then I wouldn't be sincere anymore. I wouldn't be keeping my own words. *deep sigh Now I felt a lil bit torn. Ermmm....nodoby said it's easy. It's natural to expect something in return, in any kind of gesture, that's why it is sooooo hard to give unconditional love remembering the fact we're humans, with this ego and selfishness. We would be thinking, what's in it for me? What do I get? The thing that you need to think about carefully is back to your initial motivation. What was it? And then you can review it as time goes by just to make sure you don't stray along the way.
Ermmm....I guess deep down inside...I'd like her to want me too, just like I want her. Maybe I was trying to prove that I'm not emotionally crippled. That I could really care unconditionally. That I willing to be hurt just to have that simple moments. Maybe I was having this superhero syndrome, assuming she's a damsel in distress that needs saving. Though she might not need to be saved. She's a big, tough girl. My heart just broken that nite. This is me when I try to think it through and analyze from every perspective I can think of. Maybe I just need someone to talk to, to spend some time with...but what I felt is more than that....I think...I've never been so open with another girl. I always manged to let my mind take control and still keep this layer of emotional protection...but now I'm stripped naked from all the protection *sigh
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
Patti Smith - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.
(Chorus)
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.
Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
(Chorus)
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No
It's a losing battle between my mind and my heart. And...
My hearts got a mind of it's own
Won't listen to a word I say
Doesn't it know that I get hurt too
When it acts that way
Cos When it breaks I break
I don't know how much more of this I can take
Doesn't it know that I get hurt too
When it acts that way
Hmmmm....So....what you gonna do? You know it might fade away if you get disappointed and don't enjoy it again...
*sigh.....One thing for sure, I'm gonna keep my words. I'm gonna treat her good, treat her right as long as I can bare with the remaining time I have. We'll see in time....All I know that she worth the fight....or was it my heart that manipulated my mind to think that way?......
Maybe......I'm just so damaged. Typical pdf.
'..And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'cause I don't want to lose you...'
TLC - Damaged
I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes
Don't always say, what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time
(BRIDGE)
And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really there
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you
(CHORUS)
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
I might look through your stuff, for what I don't wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if you're all mine
I'm a little paranoid, from what I've been through
Don't know what you got yourself into
And I really really really care (And I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think I'm kinda scared (But I'm scared with every touch)
'cause I don't want to lose you ('cause I don't want to lose you)
If you really really really there (If you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (Then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you, you)
My heart's at a low (low)
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (I think you should know)
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love (I'm falling in love)
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged (I think you should know that)
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage (I'm so much to manage)
I think you should know that (I think you should know that)
I've been damaged (I've been damaged)
I'm falling in love (I love you so)
There's one disadvantage (I love you so)
I think you should know that I've been damaged
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really there
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you)
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (Ooh I think you should know I've been damaged)
I've been damaged (I've been damaged baby)
I'm falling in love (Falling in love with you baby, yeah)
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
'...Ku akui aku merindukanmu
Meski ternyata tak pernah kau merindukanku
Tapi ku tak pernah bisa
Melakukan apa yang seharusnya kuinginkan
Karena memang kau bukan milikku...
Kejujuran hati yang tak mungkin dapat kupungkiri
Keinginanku untuk kau tau isi hatiku...'
Sunday. It's been a week....in wonderland. Is it already time to go back to the real world? To the usual routines....I still linger for this kinda moment...I still wanna feel this euphoria, gosh, I forgot has it been since I felt this way. But my logical side of brain kept reminding me of this Matrix Revolution tag line...'Everything that has a beginning, has and end...' in short, it's the same with Maroon 5 song, Nothing Last Forever.
I finally escaped from work on Friday *phew..... Never underestimate the power of prayer. If it based on sincere intention, it might be granted. I managed to borrow some more time I needed (or wanted?), just to feel that way a little bit more.
And today, after a quite some time, I got up early and attended the first Sunday mass. Well, I found it hard to sleep last nite, some thoughts just didn't stop dancing in the corners of my mind. I woke up several times during five hour of sleep, though I was just playing futsal last nite and really exhausted (plus u injured) from the game. I just couldn't sleep well.
Met Eddy and the rest of the prayer gathering group after the mass. They were selling some snack to raise money for the retreat they're going to have next month (if I wasn't mistaken). It's also been a while since the last time I was actively involved. Back when I still had more free time to be dedicated. *sigh Everything really has it's time and place. We couldn't stop the time, no matter how much we wanted it.
I want to stop the time from passing by
I wanna close my eyes and feel your lips are touching mine
Baby when you're close to me
I want you more each time
And there's nothing I can do, to keep from loving you
I was thinking how the time goes by and the times we spend together's gonna fly.
Here we are, face to face
We forget, time and place
Hold me now, don't let go
Though it hurts and we both know
The time we spend together's gonna fly
And everything you do to me
Is gonna feel so right
Baby when you're loving me
I feel like I could cry
'Cause there's nothing I can do
To keep from loving you
Is it wrong to expect a lil bit response? No it isn't. It's normal, it's natural, it's human. But remember, you already said and made a promise. Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep. She'd been perfectly clear when she said that. It's your decision, the choice you took. You have to be ready for the consequences, including this.
Yeah I know that. I just never thought it's gonna be this hard. But again I realized that if I had this kind of thinking then I wouldn't be sincere anymore. I wouldn't be keeping my own words. *deep sigh Now I felt a lil bit torn. Ermmm....nodoby said it's easy. It's natural to expect something in return, in any kind of gesture, that's why it is sooooo hard to give unconditional love remembering the fact we're humans, with this ego and selfishness. We would be thinking, what's in it for me? What do I get? The thing that you need to think about carefully is back to your initial motivation. What was it? And then you can review it as time goes by just to make sure you don't stray along the way.
Ermmm....I guess deep down inside...I'd like her to want me too, just like I want her. Maybe I was trying to prove that I'm not emotionally crippled. That I could really care unconditionally. That I willing to be hurt just to have that simple moments. Maybe I was having this superhero syndrome, assuming she's a damsel in distress that needs saving. Though she might not need to be saved. She's a big, tough girl. My heart just broken that nite. This is me when I try to think it through and analyze from every perspective I can think of. Maybe I just need someone to talk to, to spend some time with...but what I felt is more than that....I think...I've never been so open with another girl. I always manged to let my mind take control and still keep this layer of emotional protection...but now I'm stripped naked from all the protection *sigh
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
Patti Smith - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough
Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.
And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.
(Chorus)
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.
Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.
It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.
(Chorus)
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?
And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.
Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No
It's a losing battle between my mind and my heart. And...
My hearts got a mind of it's own
Won't listen to a word I say
Doesn't it know that I get hurt too
When it acts that way
Cos When it breaks I break
I don't know how much more of this I can take
Doesn't it know that I get hurt too
When it acts that way
Hmmmm....So....what you gonna do? You know it might fade away if you get disappointed and don't enjoy it again...
*sigh.....One thing for sure, I'm gonna keep my words. I'm gonna treat her good, treat her right as long as I can bare with the remaining time I have. We'll see in time....All I know that she worth the fight....or was it my heart that manipulated my mind to think that way?......
Maybe......I'm just so damaged. Typical pdf.
'..And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'cause I don't want to lose you...'
TLC - Damaged
I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes
Don't always say, what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time
(BRIDGE)
And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really there
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you
(CHORUS)
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
I might look through your stuff, for what I don't wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if you're all mine
I'm a little paranoid, from what I've been through
Don't know what you got yourself into
And I really really really care (And I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think I'm kinda scared (But I'm scared with every touch)
'cause I don't want to lose you ('cause I don't want to lose you)
If you really really really there (If you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (Then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you, you)
My heart's at a low (low)
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (I think you should know)
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love (I'm falling in love)
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged (I think you should know that)
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage (I'm so much to manage)
I think you should know that (I think you should know that)
I've been damaged (I've been damaged)
I'm falling in love (I love you so)
There's one disadvantage (I love you so)
I think you should know that I've been damaged
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really there
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you)
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (Ooh I think you should know I've been damaged)
I've been damaged (I've been damaged baby)
I'm falling in love (Falling in love with you baby, yeah)
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged
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