Fortress of Solitude

post #108

Why do people engage in a relationship (romance)? What do they expect from a relationship? Are they happier when they’re in a relationship compared when they’re still single?

It’s been a while since my last relationship and I must say being single is great and I’m happy with it. I can do whatever I like. I don’t have to think about my weekend schedule. I can hangout with my ‘homies’ whenever I want to without starting a ‘war’ with that special person ;p. And the best part…I can flirt with any girl….lolzzzzzzz Sometimes I feel like there’s something missing. Having a girlfriend (or girlfriends….lolzz) has it’s own treat. It surely nice to have someone (with a sweet voice) to talk to, to share stories, to go out for a cup of coffee or to a dinner, someone who cares about me more than my ‘homies’ (well in a different way I mean), someone I can cuddle, caress, and kiss.

Sometimes this longing comes up, but I think I’m already used to my solitude. My heart is in semi-absolute zero degree condition. I feel comfortable in my fortress of solitude. There’re few girls that give me the warmth like sunshine in springtime, but it never reached the inner side of my fortress. My mind quickly blocks the warmth and makes me contented with the usual cold fortress wall. One of my best friends just broke up with his gf after dating for 6 years. And he said he felt something missing, but he’s not rushing to get into another relationship. His gf already asked him to get back together again, but He wanted to enjoy his ‘singleness’ for the moment, to sort things out.

I read in my friend’s blog that the reason why people choose to be alone is because they afraid of getting hurt. Well I believe that in every relationship we must be honest from the start with the other person about what do we expect from the relationship. I think getting hurt in a relationship is caused by different expectations from both persons who engaged in it. If both persons are honest from the beginning, then they know what to expect from the relationship, thus they won’t end up getting hurt expecting different things from their spouse.

Most of the times when we’re in a relationship we forget about one thing, tolerance. The longer relationship goes, the more expectations we have from other our spouse and the less tolerance we have for her/him. For example: I expect my girlfriend to make me as priority number one. No one or nothing above me. And when my girlfriend choose to prioritize something else over me (like work, or an old friends that she hasn’t seen in ages or a distant relative who comes over), I may tend to get upset. I think that she doesn’t love us that much. This attitude gives pressure to my girlfriend and can affect our relationship. Loving me can become a burden for her and it will only make her unhappy having a relationship with me. Even though we’re a couple, we have still our own worlds. I believe being a couple doesn’t mean that we merge our worlds to become one world, everything revolves around us and nothing but us. It’s more like connecting our two worlds in a very intimate level. We must still respect and love her/him as a whole person, not owning her/him fully like a possession.

Maybe I still feel very comfortable in my fortress of solitude coz I haven’t found that one special person that can break down the wall surrounding my heart. That person who can melt my freezing heart with her warm smile and sincere behavior. Maybe I’m expecting, waiting for someone who only exist in the back of my head. Maybe I already found that someone but she already walked away coz I doubted my feelings. Maybe……I find something to fill in the void from the movies I watch which augment my imagination. I guess that’s why I like the romance (if I may say that) in Prison Break. It’s beautifully played by Sarah n Wentworth. The chemistry between them. The simple moments they share…..the simple kiss, not sex. It appeals more to me. Though it seems that they don’t have a future together… *sigh

What do you do if you find yourselves in that kind of situation? Having some kind of relationship with a person which you don’t see a future with (I’m not talking about an affair with married couples…but with a single person)….Would you walk away the minute you see no future? Or would you stay and enjoy it till it’s time to say goodbye? Which one hurts more? Walk away immediately and only left with wistful thinking of how great it would have been or knowing that we must part though we don’t want to end? I guess the answer depends on how worthy that person is.

It’s never easy when it comes to feelings. Reminds me of a saying… Some people are meant to be alone.


Irwansyah - Pencinta Wanita (OST Heart)


Kutemukan dalam pencarian
cinta sejati untuk hidupku
kurang lebih yang seperti dia
kuharap dalam cintaku

* ku tak mau menjanjikannya
pasti bahagia bila denganku
biar dia rasakan sendiri
betapa gilanya cintaku

** aku memang pencinta wanita
namun ku bukan buaya
yang setia pada seribu gadis
ku hanya mencintai dia

aku memang pencinta wanita
yang lembut seperti dia
ingin saat ku akhiri semua
pencarian dalam hidup
dan cintaku ternyata
yang kumau hanyalah dia

*,**

aku memang pencinta wanita
namun kau bukan buaya
yang setia pada seribu gadis
kau hanya mencintai aku

**

aku memang pencinta wanita
yang lembut seperti dia
ingin saat ku akhiri semua
pencarian dalam hidup
dan cintaku ternyata
yang kumau hanyalah dia

pencinta wanita
mencintai dia
hanyalah dia

Prison Fever

post #107

Today’s 61st Indonesian independence day anniversary. What have this nation accomplished after being independent for 61 years??? I think being the 3rd most corrupted country in the world (and number one in Asia) is not something you call accomplishment (well, not in a positive way I mean). Poverty, corruption, discrimination still live happily in my (so called) beloved country. There are some accomplishments that can be proud of, but they aren’t too many. Too many political issues and politics (quoting a friend of mine saying) is just not my cup of tea. So let’s talk about something else.

I finished watching Prison Break season 1 today, after a (quite) long marathon from Sunday. My friend already warned me that this serial is highly addictive and he was absolutely right. I watched the first two episodes only to get more intrigued by the storyline. And as a result, I sacrificed my sleep time at night, just to watch it. I only slept for about 4 hours these last three days and I worked like a zombie. It was such a rush to watch it. I didn’t know for sure why I was so addicted to it. Maybe because it offered a different storyline from 24 or Alias or Smallville. The storyline was fresh and it had more surprising twists than 24. The casts were good, especially Sarah Wayne Callies who played Dr. Sara Tancredi. She was soooooooo gorgeous… I really loved her character and her bizarre relationship with ‘Michael Scofield’. I guess Sarah was one of other factors that made me become addicted to this serial. With Smallville’s on a break and there’ll be no more Elisha on the upcoming season of 24, Prison Break offered me this Hawaiian beauty to occupy my mind. Luckily I got a long holiday from today till Monday so I got the time to finish watching it. Today I watched the last 6 episodes and the season finale was just making me more intrigued. Can’t wait to watch the next season. I’m also thinking to get a haircut like Wenthworth Miles (who played Michael Scofield)…. I guess I’m having prison fever at the moment…lolzz…but it’ll pass.

That’s a thing about addiction (Well, I consider this as a mild addiction). We want something so bad…and it just keeps us wanting for more and more…in my case watching more and more. Fortunately I still have good control otherwise I might not sleep at all just to watch it. Just to finish it in two days time maybe. Then what? After all the rush is gone….it’s nothing. Satisfaction of finish watching will only last for some time. I’m not a drug addict so I don’t know for certain, but I guess the same thing happen to drug addiction. We keep wanting more and the only way to stop it is from the early phase of addiction. Start from ourselves, we must have a strong willpower. A steel determination to stop. After that it’ll be easier to quit. Without willpower to stop, we’re helpless. How can the others help us if we don’t want to change, let alone let them help us. We all may have our own addiction, whether it’s computer games, food, drugs, smoke, porn, etc. It starts from ourselves to stop it or to fall in it deeper and deeper.

Writing this blog while listening to TIC Band – Terbaik Bagimu. Once again I must thank Moet to send me this song. Thanks Moet! I’ve been looking for this song for years and yesterday I got it. Too bad Happy Puppy didn’t have this song on it’s song list. They got Nick Lachey – What’s Left of Me though (and it’s quite impressive). I found out about it last Sunday when I went there with my usual ‘homies’, David n Bowo.

In the spirit of independence day (n also finish watching Prison Break where they’re out of the state penitentiary) let me say…. MERDEKA!!!


I’d like to dedicate the following song for Sarah….


Neri Per Caso – Sara

Sarà...sarà

Sarà un'avventura ancora
Un'altra storia d'amore
Insieme a te sarà
Non ti crederò
Se non mi vorrai

Chiara, magica atmosfera
Che c'è tra noi stasera
Quest'atmosfera
Ora che ti guardo
Ora ci vedo gli occhi della luna
Sei bella tu sei bella luna

Refrain:
Ci metterò tutto il cuore
E quelle parole d'amore
Fanno per sempre sognare
Ma dimmelo
Se vuoi
Se tu mi vuoi

Sarà...sarà...sarà...sarà.....
Sarà...sarà...sarà...sarà

No, non ti crederò
Se non mi vorrai
Non ti crederò
Se non mi amerai


Sarà...sarà...sarà...sarà

I thought the song is about a girl named Sara…but I was wrong…. ;p

Neri Per Caso – Sara

[It will be...]
[It will still be an adventure]
[Another love story]
[Together with you it will be]
[I won't believe you]
[If you won't me]

[Clear, magic atmosphere]
[What is there between us tonight]
[This atmosphere]
[Now that I look at you]
[Now I see there the eyes of the moon]
[You are beautiful, you're a beautiful moon]

[I'll put my whole heart there]
[And those words of love]
[Make you dream forever]
[But tell me]
[If you want]
[If you want me]

[It will be...]
[It will be...]

[No, I won't believe you]
[If you won't me ]
[I won't believe you]
[If you won't love me]

[It will be...]

Sarah in promotional picture

Sarah n Wentworth at Golden Globe

Sarah in Prison Break...isn't she gorgeous...

Promises

post # 106

Don’t go making all these promises you know you cannot keep. This line from Savage Garden’s song, Promises, is really good and has deep meaning. How often do we make promises that we (intentionally or unintentionally) don’t keep?

The numbers of promises we keep prove our reliability and trustworthiness. But sometimes we just forget and easily break our promises to God (and yet He always forgives us). Maybe because we cannot ‘see’ Him in person. Well, compared to breaking our promises to other person, he/she can react and tell us that they’re disappointed or upset because we don’t keep our promises. But God won’t tell us that He’s disappointed at us. Thus we don’t see the consequences right away. But breaking promises affect our relationship with the ones we make promises to.

Why do we tend to keep our promises to other person but on the other hand we often ‘ask’ for God’s tolerance for not keeping our promises with a thousand reasons?
Is it because He’s very tolerant? Because He’s very forgiving? If we can try our best to keep our promises to other, why don’t we do the same thing for God? He’s much more important than the others.

Some might say.. How can you keep your promises to God, ‘something’ that cannot be seen, if you can’t keep your promises to others who is plainly visible (who can kick your ass right away if you break your promises)? This question implicates that keeping our promises to others is the first thing to do. Put in mind that God should be the first and the foremost. Keeping our promises to others should reflect our best effort in keeping our promises to God. It’s the faithfulness to God (to keep our promises to Him) that will be the foundation to keep our promises to others.

I’ve kept a promise to God (that I started in May) till today and it feels so good. Thank you God…

Keeping promises to God (and to others) is not easy, but faithfulness has its reward. So…don’t go making all these promises you know you cannot keep.


Savage Garden - Promises

Well don't you know I need a little indulgence?
Listen to the hunter becoming hunted
Every day there's a million advances
Don't be too forceful, you'll ruin your chances
Well don't you know that time is a broken glass
That splinters against the wall?
But the picture is coming back now baby,
And I want to take it all

Chorus:
Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep
There's a time to play a king and a time to be the thief
'Cause if you're making all these promises you know you cannot keep
You know time will be the thief and your fallen king will end up alone

So let you're body move a little bit closer
Silent like the sound preceding a cyclone
Don't you know that powerful thinking
Can be a force you don't want to relinquish?
Well don't you know that,
They say that hanging on will justify the wait?
But patience and elated wisdom don't share a common phrase

chorus

Well, I'm only hanging on for what goes down
I'm floating high and my feet don't touch the ground
I'd take advantage but I can't see through this charade
So don't you, don't go make it harder than hell
'Cause when it comes down to the making
You better be damned sure you can take it
Hey baby

chorus

Time will be the thief
and your fallen king will end up...
A fool, a fool, a lonely sorry fool
Oh baby, 'cause I told you baby

...

Got this song from prayer gathering, I’m sure about the title

Tetap Setia

Selidiki aku, Lihat hatiku
Apakah ku sungguh mengasihimu, Yesus

Kau yang miliki aku, dan menilai hidupku
Tiada yang tersembunyi bagi-Mu

Tlah kulihat kebaikan-Mu
Yang tak pernah habis di hidupku
Ku berjuang sampai akhirnya
Kau dapati, aku tetap setia

I really like the last two lines…. I struggle, until the end You’ll find me still faithful.

Nothing to Lose?

post # 105


Michael Learns To Rock - Nothing to Lose

There are times when you make me laugh
there are moments when you drive me mad
there are seconds when I see the light
though many times you made me cry

There's something you don't understand
I want to be your man

Chorus:
Nothing to lose
your love to win
hoping so bad that you'll let me in
I'm at your feet
waiting for you
I've got time and nothing to lose

There are times when I believe in you
these moments when I feel close to you
there are times I think that I am yours
though many times I feel unsure

There's something you don't understand
I want to be your man

Chorus

I'll always be around you
keep an eye on you
cos my patience is strong
and I won't let you run
cos you are the only one

Chorus


Maybe someday I’ll get bored waiting
Maybe someday when you let me in,
I already find another person
And maybe by that time,
You’ll realize

A letter for her

Dear …..


First of all I want to apologize once again for my behavior that has been misleading you all this time. It’s never been my intention to hurt you. Maybe you feel that I was playing your heart, but I never meant that.

Thank you for letting me know about your feelings. I read some signs but I didn’t want to hastily jump into conclusion so I just went along. But it turned out that my actions were only giving you more wrong signals. When I realized, I decided to tell you about my feelings, I ought it to you. I’m afraid that you’ll be expecting more if I continue acting like there was nothing happened. I know it hurts but I better tell you the truth now than later when it might hurt you even more.

I enjoy the times we’ve had together. I really do. You’re an amazing girl with lots of desirable qualities. But at this moment, I’m still not sure with my feelings for you. I consider and care about you as one of my close friends. And it’s totally unfair if I keep leading you on to think that I also have the same feelings you have for me. You don’t deserve to be kept waiting in uncertainty. You deserve so much more.

Right now, what I can offer you is my sincere friendship. I don’t know if it’s enough for you. I don’t know what the future holds but I don’t want to make empty promises. Maybe in time you’ll find a better guy than me. Maybe your feelings will change, fade away. Maybe I’ll develop the same feelings for you. Maybe when I do, you already find that better guy, and then it’ll be my loss for passing you up.


Yours sincerely

Beenusian

post #103

Another week passed. Same routine except for the details. Had a dinner at Izzi Pizza on Friday with my colleagues in AJ Kramat Jati support team and our coordinator. The food was great and it improved Izzi Pizza’s image to me. The last time I ate at Izzi Pizza was few years ago and I didn’t like it. But last Friday experience reminded me to give a second chance…. Lolz… Izzi Pizza…good place to dine.

Had some surprises too this week. Grace went online again for a while. Chatted with her a bit. I couldn’t help wondering where she had been. The last time I saw her was back in April and she seemed…fragile. Maybe because she bears this secret. When I knew about it, I was very surprised. I was speechless. Someone who’s as smart and talented like her….*sigh. One thing learned…we all have secrets we do not enjoy share with others and that we’re flawed. Nobody’s perfect.

Then Nelly contacted me and asked Robert’s cell phone #. She said she’s back for good. It’s been two years…and now she’s back in Jakarta. Didn’t talk to her much cause I was busy handling the users who came to the support center where I was stationed. Chatted with Rhea on Friday afternoon, after the users had gone back to their offices. I’m beginning to understand why she doesn’t intend to get into a relationship. She’s such a remarkable person and really devoted to God. Thus she has so little time for herself (well she seems happy with it).

Yesterday I played badminton as usual. After that went to Binus to get my certificates legalized. When I arrived there, I noticed that it was the last day of POM (Pekan Orientasi Mahasiswa/Student Orientation Week) for Binusian 2010. It brought me to my own POM back in 2001. Five years has passed. Looking at them in white shirt n black pants was just like looking at me five years ago. And like in a blink of an eye, five years has gone. There’s one song that always reminds me of POM, Lang Hua Yi Tuo Tuo. It’s a soundtrack for Richie Ren n Sammi Cheng movie, Summer Holiday. I took a short tour; saw the UKM (Unit Kegiatan Mahasiswa/Student Activity Unit) demonstrations. I just chuckled seeing the view. Good luck Beenusian 2010.

Kami adalah binusian 2005
Kami berjanji untuk lulus tepat waktu
Dengan belajar giat, rajin dan bersemangat
Tuk mencapai target, lulus ga ngaret

That was the mars for Binusian 2005…..Funny,huh?

After a brief step into the past experience, I went to find vandel for church event in November, but didn’t find it. So I went back home, took an afternoon nap and attended the afternoon mass. This weekend I finally got some decent sleep. I really recharged my body to 100%. Now I’m ready to prepare myself for TOEFL test tomorrow. I got a call from Mandiri Bank for IT Officer position n the TOEFL test is gonna be the 1st phase filter.

Today’s Rafaela’s and Agus Panda’s bday. Haven’t chatted with Rafaela again lately. We seem busy with our own work n life. I wish her a blessed bday n wonderful year ahead. Same for Agus. We’ve known each other for more than 10 years now and he’s one of what I so called true friends. My partner in karaoke and xrated, along with David pecun ganteng. Hangin out with them is always great…

One thing that quite concerns me is this girl. I think I’m being too friendly to her. Am I being too friendly? Am I ladies man? Am I giving some signals that are misinterpreted by her? She’s a great girl. We chat a lot n I get the impression that she expects something more. I like talking to her, sharing some thoughts. But I think since she’s in this transition period (she’s moving to another city); she’s lonely n needs someone to talk to. And maybe coz we’ve talked a lot, she feels there’s some something…but it’s too early to say that. Maybe she feels something cause she finds comfort in talking to me..etc but maybe… it’s just another phase, a transition one. She’s in holiday and I’m sure she’s pretty bored….but maybe talking to me is just a way to spend her time. I dunno… If I continue to act like usual I’m afraid I keep sending her the signals and giving her false hope with my attitude… I need to tell her to take things slow…to really understand her feelings… maybe it’s just an temporary attraction……………or maybe……….all of this is just in my head…. That I’m being tooo Geer (it’s an Indonesia term….hahahahhahahahhaha)

Peterpan – Bintang Di Surga

Masih ku merasa angkuh
Terbangkan anganku jauh
Langit kan menangkapku
Walau kan terjatuh

Dan bila semua tercipta
Hanya untuk ku merasakan
Semua yang tercipta
Hampa hidup terasa

*
Lelah tetap ku mencari
Hati untuk ku membagi
Menemani langkahku
Namun tak berarti

Dan bila semua tercipta
Tanpa harus ku merasakan
Cinta yang tersisa
Hampa hidup terasa

Reff:
Bagai bintang di surga, dan seluruh warna
Dan kasih yang setia, dan cahaya nyata
Oh bintang di surga, berikan cerita
Dan kasih yang setia, dan cahaya nyata

*,Reff

End of Season 5

post # 102

Artist/Band : Tic band
Judul : Terbaik Untukmu
Album : Terbaik Untukmu

lntro: E

E
Duhai engkau sang dewi ciptaan raja
E
Dari langit kau turun ke dunia
A
Untuk jadi milikku
A E
Jadi pendampingku selamanya

E
Dengarkanlah setiap kata yang terucap
E
Mengertilah karena hidup takkan
A
Semudah kau kira
A E
Kau harus berlari mengejarnya

(*)
C#m. F#m.
Ku takkan berhenti
A E
Beri cinta dan rinduku
C#m. F#m. A
Sampai kau mengerti dan pahami
A
Semua yang kuberikan

Reff :
A G#m.
Jangan kau pergi dariku
A
Bila waktuku sedikit untukmu
E G#m.
Setiap hembusan nafasku
A
Ku lakukan yang terbaik untukmu

Int: E

E
Duhai engkau sang dewi ciptaan raja
E
Mengertilah, karena hidup
A
Takkan semudah kau kira
A E
Kau harus berlari mengejarnya

Kembali ke: (*), Reff

C#m B A7-5 A
Bila ku pergi, tetaplah kau ada di sini
A
Dan menanti

lnt: E G#m A
Kembali ke: Reff (fade out)

*In English

TIC Band - The Best For You

You're a Goddess, King's creation
You come down to earth from the sky
To be mine
Be by my side forever

Listen to every word I say
Understand that life won't be
as easy as you think
You have to run after it

(*)
I won't stop
Giving my love and longing
Until you understand
Everything I give

chorus:
Don't leave my side
If the time if I give you isn't enough
Every breath that I take
I do my best for you

You're a Goddess, King's creation
Understand that life won't be
as easy as you think
You have to run after it

(*),chorus

If I go, will you please stay here
And wait

repeat chorus to fade


Heard this song on my way to work. An old Indonesian song. I really like this song, but till now, I haven't got the MP3 yet. Finished watching 24 season 5 last nite. Quite good ending....but I wasn't as excited and intrigued to watch the next season as I had been when I had finished watching the 3rd and 4th season. Maybe because I got bored....or maybe because there's no Elisha again..lolzzz.
Anyway...still have some homework to do... Watching DH season 2 and Prison Break.... lolz.

Jangan kau pergi dariku, bila waktuku sedikit untukmu....Setiap hembusan nafasku....Kulakukan yang terbaik untukmu....

Sing Stars

Post #101

Wow….it’s been another busy week. Still supporting users and their workload increased exponentially. Watching 24 season 5, chatting and browsing were the things that help me relieving the stress in supporting the users. Though they’re difficult to handle sometimes (well…most of the times…), I kinda miss them, I miss the interaction….(and the food….lolzzz). Tomorrow’s gonna be my last day of supporting them. I’ll be back to PLN main office in August.

There were lots of interesting things happened this week. Had a voice chat till 3 AM in the morning (the longest one I’ve ever had), while I had to wake up at 7 AM. As a result, I acted like a zombie that day. It was very tiring (and torturing), had to stay focus, concentrate while the only thing that always came up in my mind was sleeping in my comfortable king size bed….luckily the users who came for support weren’t too many. I don’t regret it though coz it really tested my resilience…lolz. In the afternoon Rhea said that she couldn’t come to our prayer gathering coz she had some work to do. It’s too bad but we got her replacement.

The most interesting events happened on Friday. Moet revealed very shocking news. I was kinda…..what the…??? How?? And it became the headline of this forum in which I’m one of the moderator. I mean it’s sooooooo surprising… Wow…that’s the thing about internet. You can never know if a person is really like he/she’s claiming to be in the real life, based only on your correspondence through the net. Even if you have met that person, there’re still possibilities that he/she’s not like what he/she claims to be. I tend to look the best in people, to think positive. I mean what’s the point of lying to others in the net, beside to fulfill your own sense of insecurity or lack of confidence. Except you wanted to gain something from other people that you lied to (which was the case in this shocking news). Though we haven’t really clarified this with the “potential culprit”, but all the ‘evidence’ (if I may say so) seem to say it all. The lesson I can learn (n share) from this incident (though I’m already aware n always be cautious) is to be careful trusting a person whom you never seen before in real life (even if you have met the person irl). It’s good to trust someone but we must be wise in putting our trust. Hopefully this matter will resolve soon…

This week was ended with lost of singing. Yesterday I went to Happy Puppy (after filling our biological tank at Hanamasa) with Livia, Hendra, Irwan, etc. We sang for three hours. It was very exhausting since I already played badminton in the morning. Last nite I finally got some decent sleep, after a week lack of sleeping. And today I woke up early to attend the first morning mass. I saw Marlyn and Yuni. Marlyn was still stunning and looked mature like she always had. I think the last time I saw her was at Christmas Eve mass two or three years ago. And then I also saw Sandra with her parents but she disappeared when I was looking at Marlyn. Then I got home n……..sleep again… I was such a pig…. Woke up again n watched 24.

Went to Happy Puppy again..this time with my b*tches…David, Agus, Bowo (plus his gf). Eddy came not so long after we checked in. we sang for three hours (again). We haven’t gone karaoke for quite some time. We sang like crazy…like we always do (n always will I guess….lolzzz). Bowo’s gf’s distant cousin joined us. Her name was Diana n she was kinda cute…her accent was so……medok….wong Suroboyo..gitu lohhhhhh…..lolzzz. After that we went to Gadink Mall…looked around and played pool. When we decided to go back, it was raining heavily. We dropped Diana at her place and the rain stopped.. Thank God coz I went to Gadink using my motorcycle… Now I need to save my voice…talk only if necessary…;p.

The shocking news reminds me of Savage Garden’s song, Santa Monica… It's a very beautiful song, very soothing n calming. The chorus is something like this… But on the telephone line (including internet) I am anyone, I am anything I want to be…. I can be a supermodel or Norman Mailer…. And you wouldn’t the difference….or would you????

Savage Garden - Santa Monica

In Santa Monica, in the wintertime,
The lazy streets so undemanding
I walk into the crowd
In Santa Monica, you get your coffee from
The coolest places on the promenade
Where people dress just so
Beauty so unavoidable, everywhere you turn
It's there.
I sit and wonder what am I doing here?

But on the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be.
I could be a super model or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?

In Santa Monica, all the people got modern names
Like Jake or Mandy
And modern bodies too
In Santa Monica, on the boulevard,
You'll have to dodge those in-line skaters
Or they'll knock you down
I never felt so lonely,
Never felt so out of place
I never wanted something more than this

But on the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a super model or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
On the telephone line, I am any height
I am any age I want to be
I could be a caped crusader, or space invader
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?

Or would you?

But on the telephone line I am anyone
I am anything I want to be
I could be a super model or Norman Mailer
And you wouldn't know the difference
On the telephone line, I am any height
I am any age I want to be
I could be a caped crusader, or space invader
And you wouldn't know the difference
Or would you?


*originally created on Sunday, July 30 2006