Ecclesiastes Three

post #183

Part 1: Opening
Another busy week. It feels like my life just revolves only around working and sleeping. The only social interaction I've had is with my colleagues, usually talking about work. It's been months now since the last time I hung out with my homies. Agus has already been asking me when we'll go karaoke again. David has also been busy with his work, thus we don't have much (or should I say any) time to spend together. The only thing that keeps me in balance maybe the movies I watched last weekend after I, Tomz and Cybelle went to Atmajaya mourning house to pay last respect to Mira's father who passed away almost two weeks ago. Working such a long hours have made my mind become numb. I usually have some idea to write on my blog, but lately, it seem hard to find. Or when I found it, but I got distracted again by work and it's gone. Days seem to pass very fast and all the sudden another week has passed. I can barely remember what was I doing last sunday. I think I was watching Boy and Girl Thing. Lite and entertaining comedy movie with simple yet good moral message. Not to mention Samaire Armstrong looked very beautiful in that movie. Then there's Next with Nicolas Cage and Jessica Biel. It'd be nice to have Nicolas Cage ability, which is to see the future (well although it's only for two minutes ahead). It may be handy in approaching a girl..lolzzz. Luckily I didn't have to come in to the office yesterday, instead I took the chance to sleep like a pig, something I haven't done in quite some time. Instead I watched Smallville season 6. Finally wrapped it up last nite. No more crush on Kristin Kreuk. After more than 5 years, it finally fades away.

Part 2: Main
Today is sunday. It's not ordinary sunday, well at least for a particular person who's celebrating her birthday today. How many years has it been? It's almost been 9 years. Time do flies. There's a reason why I choose Ecclesiastes Three for this blog entry. Not just because the main idea for this entry is about timing. It's been three years since my last relationship. It took three years since I broke up with my first gf to have another gf. Both my crushes were born in June. Both girls that liked me born in September. Both my ex-girlfriends born in December. Hmmm....is this some kind of pattern? My mind unconciously looking for December born girl to be my gf while in the meantime crushing for June born girl? Is it something to do with the horoscope (Yeah right... *chuckle)? Then who's gonna be my third (and hopefully last) gf?....hmmmmm

Well like I said, today's her birthday. It's nice to remember how liking someone can be such a good motivator, beside anger. Quoting Ecclesiastes 3:1, There's an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.

There's a time to like someone...
A time to hold back our feelings...A time to move on...
I remember there's a nice line in a movie (forgot which one), "You may not control your emotions, but you can control your actions". Yeahh..sometimes liking someone is an unlogical thing. You may not know what makes you like that person, you just do. Though maybe that person is very different from you, or very similar... Okay so you like a person. Then what? .......... (please fill in the blanks..lolzzz)

A time to hold on...A time to let go....
A time to work my ass off...hahahaha
A time to write blog...
A time to hang out with friends...
A time to enjoy solitude....

Relating to Mira's loss, a time to mourn....

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
1: There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens.
2: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
3: A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build.
4: A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
5: A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
6: A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
7: A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
8: A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Part 3: Closure
So...what time is it for now?
I think it's time to take a break from writing blog, work and get a gf...lolzzz
I need to gather more inspiration from things life have taught me, from the voices inside my head and write it in my blog since lately I've been numb and life has been in mono.

Happy Birthday to you know who....wish you all the best in life... you were my fire...the one desire....believe when I say, it's better that way...

New Look

post #182

System is down...I repeat, system is down. After a very slow (and somewhat frustrating) response, the system finally gave up in the afternoon. Preliminary estimation said it'd take about an hour or so to fix the system but it turned out that it wouldn't be soon...so here I am..free....lolz. It's very unusual.

I feel fresh this week, well thanks to a day off on Friday. Finally finished watching House season 2, Heroes season 1 and now on the verge of finishing Lost season 2. Just one more episode to watch. But I still have Smallville season 6, 24 season 6, Gilmore Girls season 7, Desperate Housewives season 3, House season 3, Lost seasons 3 that wait to be watched. So many of them....lolzzz...

Before I moved to Lost, I watched Curse of Golden Flower. A good movie and unlike Hollywood typical movies, it didn't end happily, more realistic I think. The ending song was Jay's and it was a good mellow song. Most of his sad songs are great.

I also made some modification to my blog. Thanks to some sites, one of them is this that provide cool things such as 3 columns blogger templates, sudoku, and beautiful background image that I currently use. Well, I had to make some modification on the XML, but it's not too difficult. The result is satisfying. But on Monday I discovered a bug when I displayed this blog on a widescreen monitor. Thanks to Tomz, I managed to make the background for 'S' emblem to be transparent so it's not a problem anymore. About the background, since at first I used 1024x768 resolution, when I displayed it in 1280x800 resolution it didn't fit perfectly. So I had to made some modification too. Now it looks perfect in widescreen, but I still need to test it on XGA resolution.

Well...I'm gonna watch Smallville now, enjoy this song and the new, fresh(I hope) look of my blog..

周杰倫 |Zhou Jie Lun |Jay Chou
菊花台 | Ju Hua Tai | Chrysanthemum Flower Bed

妳　的淚光　柔弱中帶傷
ni / de lei guang / rou ruo zhong dai shang
Your tears reflect pain in its tenderness

慘白的月彎彎　勾住過往
can bai de yue wan wan / gou zhu guo wang
The pale white crescent moon hooks onto the past

夜　太漫長　凝結成了霜
ye / tai man chang / ning jie cheng le shuang
The endless night freezing into frost

是誰在閣樓上　冰冷的絕望
shi shui zai ge lou shang / bing leng de jue wang
Who is in the loft, in icy cold despair


雨　輕輕彈　朱紅色的窗
yu / qing qing tan / zhu hong se de chuang
Rain gently bouncing off the vermillon window

我一生在紙上　被風吹亂
wo yi sheng zai zhi shang / bei feng chui luan
My entire life on paper, messed up by the wind

夢　在遠方　化成一縷香
meng / zai yuan fang / hua cheng yi lv xiang
Dreams become faint in a faraway place

隨風飄散　妳的模樣
sui feng piao san / ni de mo yang
The image of you, drifting in the wind

＊菊花殘　滿地傷　妳的笑容已泛黃
ju hua can / man di shang / ni de xiao rong yi fan huang
Crushed chrysanthemums reflect our pain. Your smile has faded

花落人斷腸　我心事靜靜躺
hua luo ren duan chang / wo xin shi jing jing tang
Hearts broken into million pieces like petals falling, I lay my troubles aside

北風亂　夜未央　妳的影子剪不斷
bei feng luan / ye wei yang / ni de ying zi jian bu duan
Northern winds gush and the night is still young. Unable to shake off your shadow

徒留我孤單　在湖面　成雙＊
tu liu wo gu dan / zai hu mian / cheng shuang
Leaving me alone with my reflection in the water


花　已向晚　飄落了燦爛
hua / yi xiang wan / piao luo le can lan
Flowers at dusk, fallen splendor

凋謝的世道上　命運不堪
diao xie de shi dao shang / ming yun bu kan
Withering social values, Unthinkable fate

愁　莫渡江　秋心拆兩半
chou / muo du jiang / qiu xin chai liang ban
Don’t cross the river. Worries tearing my heart into half

怕妳上不了岸　一輩子搖晃
pa ni shang bu liao an / yi bei zi yao huang
Afraid that you will be unable to get back ashore, floating for the rest of your life


誰　的江山　馬蹄聲狂亂
shui / de jiang shan / ma ti sheng guang luan
Whose territory is this? Hysterical galloping of horses

我一身的戎裝　呼嘯滄桑
wo yi shen de rong zhuang / hu xiao cang sang
Fully armoured, My life whizzed me by

天　微微亮　妳輕聲的嘆
tian / wei wei liang / ni qing sheng de tan
Coming dawn, you sigh softly

一夜惆悵　如此委婉
yi ye chou chang / ru ci wei wan
A melancholy night such tactful indirectness

REPEAT＊＊

Do You Know (this song)?

post #181

Enrique Iglesias - Do You Know (Ping Pong Song)

Do you know?
Do you know?

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
(Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?

If birds flying south is a sign of changes
At least you can predict this every year
Love, you never know the minute it ends suddenly
I can’t get it to speak
Maybe if I knew all the things it took to save us
I could fix the pain that bleeds inside of me
Look in your eyes to see something about me
I’m standing on the edge and I don’t know what else to give.

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
(Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?

How can I love you?
How can I love you?
How can I love you?
How can I love you?
If you just don’t talk to me, babe.

I flow through my act
There's a question: Is she needed?
And decide all the man I can ever be.
Looking at the last 3 years like I did
I could never see us ending like this.

(Do you know?)

Seeing your face no more on my pillow
Is a scene that’s never ever happened to me.

(Do you know?)

But after this episode I don’t see
You could never tell the next thing life could be

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?

(Do you know?)
(Do you know?)
(Do you know?)
(Do you know?)

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
Do you know, do you know, do you know, do ya?
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?

Do you know what it feels like loving someone that’s in a rush to throw you away?
(Do you know how it feels?)
Do you know what it feels like to be the last one to know the lock on the door has changed?
(Do you know how it feels?)

(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)

---
Do you know what it feels like to want something that is out of your reach?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)
Do you know what it feels like longing for something that may not even meant for you?
(Do you know? Do you know? Do you know? Do you?)

Here Is Gone

post #180

Goo Goo Dolls - Here Is Gone

You and I got something
But its all and then its nothing to me, yeah
And I got my defenses
When it comes through your intentions for me, yeah

And we wake up in the breakdown
With the things we never thought we could be, yeah

#
I'm not the one who broke you
I'm not the one you should fear
We got to move you darling
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all

*
And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling
And I wanted to be
All you need
Somehow here is gone

I am no solution
To the sound of this pollution in me, yeah
And I was not the answer
So forget you ever thought it was me, yeah

#,*

And I dont need the fallout
Of all the past thats in between us
And Im not holding on
And all your lies werent enough to keep me here

*

And I want to get free
Talk to me
I can feel you falling

I know its out there
I know its out there
And I can feel you falling

I know its out there
I know its out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah

I know its out there
I know its out there
Somehow here is gone, yeah

---

Here is gone....we are gone....

Ballad pour....

post #179

You have kept me wondering for so long....

Roxette - Vulnerable

Everywhere I look I see her smile
Her absent minded eyes
And she has kept me wondering for so long
How this thing could go wrong
It seems to me that we are both the same
Playing the same game
But as darkness falls this true love falls apart
Into a riddle of her heart

*
She's so vulnerable like china in my hands
She's so vulnerable and I don't understand
I could never hurt the one I love
She's all I've got
But she's so vulnerable..oh so vulnerable

Days like these no one should be alone
No heart should hide away
Her touch is gently conquering my mind
There's nothing words can say
She's coloured all the secrets of my soul
I've whispered all my dreams
But just as night-time falls this vision falls apart
Into a riddle of her heart yea

*

Don't hide your eyes...

It's time to end this mind game...Don't you think, dear?

The Art of Marriage

post #178

Last Sunday I attended Robert’s wedding reception at Gading Marina. Robert looked very happy that nite, so did Yuli. I was also happy for them. Robert finally found someone he loves and loves him back. My mind went to our univ times. Times when I stayed over at his place, the places we went, the things we did, when he experienced ‘bad’ experience regarding love. Though at first I only considered him as a usual friend but he has proven his sincerity all these years. He actually has a kind and sincere heart. Maybe that’s why he was easily hurt by love…;p

I’ll never forget one time when he was broken hearted. He called me in the middle of the nite (well, 2 AM was already morning actually). Here’s our conversation.
(Cell phone ringing)…I looked at it and saw Robert’s number, so I picked up.
Me : Hello
Robert ( R ) : Bang, tolong bang….
Me (shocked) : Kenapa Bert, ada apa?
R: Tolong bang, gua sakit banget…
Me (more shocked) : Kenapa Bert? Lu dimana ? ( I can hear some indistinct voices )
R : Gua sakit bangett bang… kenapa yah cewe jahat banget ama gua…
Me : …… (speechless..I felt a relief also this urge to laugh out loud)
R : Bang…
Me : Lu dimana Bert?
R : Di Mille… Gua sakit banget bang…
Me (after got myself together and won the urge to laugh) : Tenang Bert…tenang…mungkin lu blon ketemu yang cocok ama elu aja… kasi waktu, suatu hari lu pasti bakal ketemu cewe yang bisa sayang ama elu
R :….. (crackling sound)… Aduh….handphone g jatuh….. (his voice sounded distant)
Me : Bert….
(clicked…) he hung up.

The following day when I met him at campus, he was kinda embarrassed about the ‘incident’. It turned out that I wasn’t the only one he called. He also called other members of zoo class….LOL LOL LOL. For the next few weeks we teased him about the call.

Robert finally found the one he’s been looking for. And he said to me on a lunch when he gave out his wedding invitation, “God is good”. I smiled at him and say, “See, that’s why I said, there’s gotta be a better plan for you. You met the wrong person for a reason, so when you meet the right one, you’ll know it. Now you’ve found her, keep her, love her with all your heart.”

The reception went right on schedule. It even went faster that I’ve expected. It’s kinda like Binus Zoo Class reunion, minus the Dave ‘The Pig’ Padang. Yakin flew back from Singapore and we talked a bit about his study in pursuing Master degree. There were Jef, Novi and her bf, Nelly, Anthony, Wilhan, Ivan, Berku and Arlene, Eddy and Devi, LG and his gf. Even Merry came with Frans. She also flew back from SF. We waited till the photo session and after that I stayed for a few minutes then went home.

Robert’s wedding reception made me think again about the reception. It’s become a common tradition nowadays that people want wedding reception to be glamorous, in a fancy building/function hall, invite lots of people whom the groom and the bride may not even know, etc. The groom and bride must be tired to shake all the guests’ hand and smile at them when more than half of them they don’t recognize. Is it really necessary? Well, if you have lots of money to spend, it’s alright. But is the reception only a celebration, to share the joy with other persons we know (family n friends). It’s not the marriage. The marriage itself is way more than just a wedding reception. All you get from a fancy wedding reception is prestige. But people seem to be more consumed with this and forget that the marriage life after the reception that is more important. Yes marriage is once in a lifetime event (for some people) and people want to make it special, something to remember for their whole life. But I think having (let say) simple reception with family and close friends doesn’t diminish the meaning of the marriage itself. I guess it’s a matter of perception.

Got this small card on my visit to Melbourne and I gave it to Lady. It’s titled The Art of Marriage

The Art of Marriage

A good marriage must be created
In the art of marriage the little things are the big things
It’s never too old to hold hands
It’s remembering to say: “I love you” at least once each day
It’s never going to sleep angry
It’s having a mutual sense of values and common objectives
It’s standing together facing the world
It’s forming a circle of love that gathers the whole family
It’s speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways
It’s having the capacity to forgive and forget
It’s in giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow
It’s finding room for the things of the spirit
It’s a common search for good and the beautiful
It’s not only marrying the right partner,
It’s being the right partner.


I must say I agree on most of it. I really like the last two lines. It’s not only about marrying the right partner; it’s being the right partner. It encourages us to look into ourselves instead of demanding our partner to be the right one for us.

Can I be the right partner for you?

Trinity

post #177

Just got back from the church, it's Trinity day today. The pastor's sermon reminded me of my chat with hansel. How do you explain the concept of Trinity to other person (meaning outside church, non christian ones)? Well he used the Sun analogy, just like what hansel told me. Let's say that the sun (the physical thing) is the Father, the light is the Son, and the heat is the Holy Spirit. We can see the light (well if you want to make your eyes blind), but is the light is the same with the sun (physical thing)? No. We can feel the heat of the sun radiates burning our skin, is it the same with sun itself? No. The three of them is the sun, but each of them has their own unique characteristic. Similar thing with Trinity concept. I know it's not really accurate but at least it can satisfy our limited mind.

Just watched House (again) last nite. It's interesting how he has this scepticism about faith and God. In one of the lines he said that trust must be earned. How can we trust something that is hiding inside a closet (referring to God). Well, I guess he has different perspective on this matter. I agree that trust must be earned, but sometimes even though we've earned the trust from a person, that person who gives us the trust might choose not to trust us. It's rather complicated. We cannot make someone to trust us, all we can do is to be someone that can be trusted. Whether that person will trust us or not, it's a different matter, it's his/her choice to make. I guess trust can be earned when we're sincere and that the person is comfortable enough to open up. That's when he/she trusts us. That's when we earned the trust. But trust is a very fragile thing. Quoting a friend of mine saying, it's like a glass ball, hard to to obtain, easily broken. It's hard to trust someone coz by doing so, we expose ourselves, taking a chance that the person we trust might hurt us and the ones who're close to us (ie the person we trust) can hurt us more. So are we going to shut ourselves from other to save us from the hurt we might experience if we open up and trust others? Only you can answer it. It's a matter of choices.

This song's been playing on my mind since I heard it on Catholic Youth Revival few weeks ago....when I was WoW'ed....... I choose to believe... I believe I believe I believe....in You.


Il Divo - I Believe In You (Duet with Celine Dion)

Lonely the path you have chosen
A restless road, no turning back
One day you will find your light again
Don't you know
Don't let go be strong

Follow your heart
Let your love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe I believe I believe in you
Follow your dreams
Be yourself an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you cannot do
I believe I believe I believe in you

Tout seul tu t'en iras tout seul
Coeur ouvert à l'univers
Poursuis ta quête
Sans regarder derrière
N'attends pas
Que le jour se levé

Suis ton étoile
Vas jusqu'où ton rêve t'emporte
Un jour tu le toucheras
Si tu crois
Si tu crois
Si tu crois en toi

Suis ta lumière
N'éteins pas la flamme que tu portes
Au fond de toi souviens toi
Que je crois
Que je crois
Que je crois en toi

Someday I'll find you
Someday you'll find me too
And when I hold you close
I know that it's true

Follow your heart
Let your love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe I believe I believe in you
Follow your dreams
Be yourself an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you cannot do
I believe I believe I believe in you

Fly Me To The Moon

Post #176

Another month has passed. I could see the full moon again tonite. It’s been another busy week at work, but this weekend has been (and I’m sure will still be) great. After long working hours, today I finally met Juli and Novi at TA. It was like meeting an old friend when I met Juli. Maybe because we’ve been chatting quite often. Arrived a lil bit late since I decided to bring a car rather than my Elisha. A decision that proved to be a good one. We talked and then she said that Santy and Novi has already came and that they’re already at food court. So we went there. Long story short, we ate at Canton Bay. We talked quite much, unfortunately Santy had another appointment so she went back at 3 PM and we parted ways.

Then the three of us decided to watch Pirates of Carribean 3. But the only seats left were on the first row, so we bought tickets for Number 23 instead. There were some time left before the movie started, so we went to McD, took a sit and chatted for a while. The movie was good. Interesting plot. The point was that the main character was given another opportunity, to choose what he's gonna do after he finds out the truth. Hmmm...Beckham uses #23, Michael Jordan wore #23. My fav verse in Psalm is 23. Well, I'm not gonna be obsessed with this number....not like Jim Carrey....lolzzz. There's a line in the movie..."Life is a series of choices..." Reminded me of one of my own fav lines... "Life is not about chances, it's about choices and consequences"

After the movie I drove the girls home. Juli's house was near with Novi's (a friend of mine) old house. Novi (that I just met) was talkative and since she's studying at Binus we have some topics to talk about along the way to her home and it helped to break the silence we might have. She was attractive and talkative. After safely driving them home, I went home myself. Saw the moon was shining but there's a thin cloud that gave this sad nuance to the moon, made it look paler. It was then I realized that last month I also looked at the same moon. Once I got home, I saw the moon was shining brighter. Reminded me of this Frank Sinatra's song, Fly Me To The Moon. Nice song with nice, simple lyric. But I like the version which is sang by Utada Hikaru.

Utada Hikaru - Fly Me To The Moon

Poets often use many words
To say a simple thing
But it takes thought and time and rhyme
To make a poem sing

With music and words I'll be playin'
For you, I have written a song
To be sure that you know what I'm sayin'
I'll translate as I go along

Fly me to the moon
And let me play among the stars
Won't you let me see what spring
Is like on Jupiter and Mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, darling, kiss me

Fill my heart with song
And let me sing forevermore
'Cause you are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you
Oh

In other words, please be true
In other words, yeah yeah yeah yeah,
I love you
Oh oh
To the moon

To the moon, the moon

Just take me to the moon, yeah

Da da da da da da
Da da da da da yeah