Crushed

post #408

And I was crushed....

David Archuleta - Crush

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Food Poisoning

post #407


Being sick is not wonderful. That’s the lesson I learned these last two days. I think I just got my very first food poisoning yesterday. Well…actually I already felt something strange on Wednesday night. My assumption, it was because of the seafood that I ate at Pond Pangandaran. And then mixed with Chococino at Café du Chocolat. Perhaps these two created unwanted chemical reaction in my stomach which led to my food poisoning.

It was terrible. I drove home with exhausted body. I thought it was just like any other fatigue coz of work. But when I got home it got worse. I tried to sleep, but then the fever came. My body was hot (literally). I felt something on my stomach and digestive system, like gas or whatever which made me miserable the whole night. I could barely sleep and when I finally did, it was because I was already too tired with the pain and fever. Not to mention I threw up several times.

Woke up the next morning feeling a bit better, so I decided to go to work. But I still felt not fit…and after eating breakfast it seemed that it’d be getting worse and that I really needed some rest. A colleague was kind and gave me Norit to ease my food poisoning. I took half day off and went home at lunch time. Went to sleep till evening. I think the Norit kicked in. I woke up in the evening and ate dinner. Didn’t really have the appetite, but I had to eat.

After that I went online for a while…then went to sleep again. And today I think I’m much better…thank God. This experience reminded me…when was the last time I got sick? I couldn’t really remember, but I think it was few years back when I was diagnosed with Typhus symptoms. At times like this, it’d be great to have someone to look after me…but even without that person, I managed to survive. Perhaps this self-sufficient thing is not such a bad thing after all. Perhaps I’ve been keeping things to myself way too long…

I asked my friend who also ate at Pondok Pangandaran. One of them experienced similar symptoms, only much lighter, the other two were fine….hmmm…I stick to my assumption that the food there was the cause of my sickness…Anyway….being sick is not recommended. Seriously!!

A Glimpse of Parenthood

post #406

Just did a blogwalking and it move me to write this entry. The one that I have been postponing since I got back from Melbourne. After visiting my friend who just gave birth, this passion to write rose again, but I got caught up with work (lame excuse :p) and other things.
Anyway there’s a major difference when I visited my sis back in Sept with the latest one. I was so excited the last time because finally I could see, touch, hear, and hold my nephew. Not just seeing his picture which my sis often tag me on FB. The days I spent there mostly revolving around daily activities and my baby nephew, how it’s like to have a life there (non-working life ;p). And I have to say, it’s a very good life.

There’s a song that constantly playing in my mind when I thought my baby nephew. It’s Simply Red – For Your Babies, an old, but very beautiful song. The music and lyric are just wonderful. Come to think about it, baby is amazing. Living in the mother’s womb for nine months, during which the mother could feel every movement her baby made. Every nudge, every kick, even every burp. Perhaps that’s why mother-child bond is generally stronger than father-child.
Few months ago I chatted with my sis and talked about the baby. She said that her whole life would change. When the baby was still her womb, she’d be worried whether the baby had enough nutrition, hoped that the baby would be born normal, without complication or other genetic disorder. When the baby became a child, she’d want her child to grow healthy physically and mentally. When her child became a teenager she’d worried about her son/daughter behavior and choice of friends. When her son/daughter graduated from univ, she’d worried whether he/she would get a good job. Then how about his/her spouse to be? Would he/she have a happy family….and so on.. In short, worried for her baby’s life. I said to her, “Sis, being a parent is a lifetime, 24 7 job”.

How often do we look at baby picture and comment about how cute the baby is. Or when we see someone holding a baby, we often say…”Owww…he/she is such a cute baby”. Little do we know about behind the scene activities of that cute baby. When we have to change the diaper (luckily now disposable diaper is very easy to find), bath, and feed the baby. More than just once/twice my baby nephew cried so hard and one of us would rush, tried to sooth him. Not only that, the feeding schedule was also quite tiring. A lot of things have to be prepared when taking the baby out. Milk, change of clothes, diapers, etc should be on the checklist. These are the things we often do not realize. These are the things parents must do for their baby. Parents have to sacrifice a lot for their baby. They have to put aside their ego, re-prioritize things for the baby. They might even do things they had never thought they could do.

It’s true what people say that being parents is not easy. There’s no school to teach the parents-to-be. There’s no one, fixed, and definitive guideline about how being a parent should be like. There are only inputs from our own parents, friends, other people, books, etc. Parents would eventually decide their own parenting style, hence here we are, unique individuals with vast background and upbringing diversity.

That’s what I experienced on my last trip to Melbourne, a glimpse of parenthood. It’s not easy, but when I looked at my nephew’s peaceful face while he was sleeping, looked at his genuine smile or pout, smell his sweet baby scent…all the troubles were definitely worthy. I’m sure this kind of feeling that parents have for their baby.

Just like these fragments of Simply Red – For Your Babies

You've got that look again
The one I hoped I had when I was a lad
Your face is just beaming
Your smile got me boasting, my pulse roller-coastering
Any way the four winds that blow
They're gonna send me sailing home to you
Or I'll fly with the force of a rainbow
The dream of gold will be waiting in your eyes


Congrats to a friend of mine who just became a parent. You have brought life into this world. I believe you’re gonna be a great parent.
Like I have said in so many occasions, Life is about choices and consequences. If we choose to be a parent, then we should be ready for the consequences as well. Hopefully we will be a great parent too, if we decide to be one.

Nothing On You

post #405

I love this song instantly when I first heard it on Sunday.
Catchy, nice melody!

Four Seasons

post #404

Hmmm…Last Saturday was really ‘four seasons in one day’ day. Woke up and chatted for a while, then went to mall to meet some friends. Then we went to our Jr High friend’s house that just gave birth to a cute baby girl. There were four of us. We sat, talked about how times flew so fast. We still could remember the days when we were just Jr High students…but now she’s a mommy. We watched in awe as the little baby was lying fast asleep. Mixed emotions came over me. Just like when I visited my sister and held my nephew for the very first time.

I guess we’re all amazed by the fact that the baby girl was a new life brought to this world. She’s a person, a daughter of our friend. In a way it made us feel old. Come to think of it, yeah we’re not kids anymore. We’re not adolescent anymore. We’re adults now. We stayed there for a while, admiring the beauty of the newborn baby. Then my two other friends came and joined us. Unfortunately I couldn’t stay longer because I already had another appointment, so at 3 .15 PM I bid my farewell.
Arrived at Wisma Indocement faster than I had predicted earlier. I came right on time, met S and registered myself. I called V and she said she’s still waiting for R to pick her up. They arrived at around 4.30 PM, right after the opening finished. In the middle of the event, V told me that she thought she saw a friend back from univ, but she wasn’t sure. Then I looked at the person she’s referring to. To my surprise….I knew him. I asked her if the person she meant was DK. She said yes….WOWWWWW what a small world. DK was my high school friend. One of my close friend in fact. She was surprised as well when I told her that I knew him. I was a bit fuzzy for a while, wondering how they could know each other. Then I remembered that DK took the same major with V and that he’s her senior.

Then after the event we met up and talked for a while. DK brought his little sister. Well not so little anymore since she’d be graduating from her medical school in a year. She became a cute girl. The last time I saw her perhaps when I went to DK house sooooo many years ago. She caught my eyes. Anyway we decided to continue our little chit chat and catching up so we went to GI to have dinner together. We ended up buying Korean food, family package for three for me, DK and his siter. While V and L bought pizza bar. We talked and talked. Reminisced my high school times, compared to my Univ times and my working days. There we were. My friends from various phases of my life, sat at the same table. I was a bit overwhelmed at first, trying to compartmentalize and associate different memories from different stages of my life. I was very thrilled to meet DK…honestly I was lazy to come…but God really had something else in mind and there I was, catching up with an old friend, having a splendid time. There were times when our eyes met and I was just struck. It’s like being pierced. Darn…luckily I kept my cool. We weren’t quite finished yet, but it’s already 10.30 PM (time really flew by so fast when you enjoy it). I had to drive V and L home.

After driving the girls home, I went home. While driving home, I couldn’t stop thinking…its four seasons in a day. In a way it shattered the walls I built to separate the stages of my life. But it was great to meet them, it’s like they could see different sides of me. It was one amazing Saturday!

Tak Ada Yang Abadi

posting nomor 403

Sudah lama sekali tidak menulis dengan menggunakan bahasa Indonesia, saya jadi merasa canggung menuangkan pikiran dalam bahasa Indonesia. Entah kenapa di dalam benak saya yang bersliweran justru kata-kata dalam bahasa Inggris.

Hmmm...saya coba mengingat-ingat; Tujuan awal (dan utama) saya membuat blog ini adalah untuk melatih diri saya dalam berbahasa Inggris. Setelah lima tahun, tujuan awal itu tampaknya telah tercapai. Hal ini menjadi salah satu faktor pemicu 'kemalasan' saya dalam menulis. Bulan Maret lalu saya tidak menulis sama sekali. Saya sempat menulis beberapa hal di Facebook, namun tidak disini.

Hal kedua yang tak kalah (atau mungkin justru lebih) penting adalah inspirasi. Tahun-tahun sebelumnya, saya selalu merasa ada begitu banyak pikiran yang ingin saya tuangkan dalam blog ini. Ada demikian banyak kejadian dalam hidup yang menggugah saya untuk menulis, untuk mengulasnya dari sudut pandang saya. Tetapi dengan seiring berjalannya waktu, dorongan untuk menulis itu seakan memudar. Mengutip lagunya Rossa.. "Kurasakan pudar dalam hatiku...."

Memang benar pepatah yang mengatakan, segala sesuatu ada waktunya. Dahulu saya bisa sedemikian bersemangatnya, menulis beberapa judul dalam satu hari. Minimal satu minggu saya pasti menulis. Namun sekarang, boro-boro sehari, sebulan pun berlalu tanpa goresan tulisan. Hasrat untuk menulis yang memudar ini sempat bersemi sejenak ketika saya membaca blog seorang teman. Dia masih muda, namun dia dapat menuangkan pikirannya dalam blog dengan sungguh menarik. Sayang hal ini tidak berlangsung lama.

Layaknya seniman yang butuh sumber ilham, saya pun butuh sesuatu untuk memberikan inspirasi menulis. Hal ini yang tidak saya punyai saat ini. Ada beberapa ide yang ingin saya tuangkan dalam blog ini, namun (seperti yang pernah saya tulis sebelumnya) ada keengganan untuk menulis. Saya berpikir, nanti saja, sedang tak ingin...atau dalam bahasa Inggrisnya, not in the mood.

Itulah inspirasi. Ia dapat datang mengetuk kapan saja, dan ketika saya tidak membuka pintu dan mempersilahkannya masuk, ia berlalu secepat ia datang. Dan saya hanya dapat terdiam, menanti ketukan berikutnya dari sang inspirasi. Dahulu saya dapat menulis tentang apa saja. Bahkan ketika tak ada hal yang tampaknya menarik (setidaknya bagi saya) untuk ditulis, saya menulis semacam jurnal untuk mengabadikan hal-hal yang terjadi dalam hidup saya.

Setajam-tajamnya pikiran, lebih tajam ujung pena.

Hal ini yang saya pegang ketika saya menulis hal-hal tersebut. Ada beberapa hal yang ingin saya simpan, yang pada suatu waktu di kemudian hari dapat saya lihat kembali, untuk mengingatkan saya. Karena saya menyadari, seberapapun kerasnya saya mencoba, ingatan (seperti halnya hasrat menulis) saya akan pudar. Yang dapat saya simpan adalah kesan, perasaan yang saya rasakan terhadap kejadian atau orang tertentu.

Sebenarnya ada banyak sekali hal yang terjadi pada bulan Maret 2010. Yang paling berkesan adalah liburan saya ke Melbourne. Di sana saya sempat merasakan bagaimana menjadi orang tua, walau hanya untuk sekilas.
Tidak ada sekolah yang dapat mempersiapkan seseorang untuk menjadi orang tua.
Tidak ada buku panduan yang dapat dijadikan pegangan mutlak
Tidak ada kumpulan pasal yang mengatur secara baku bagaimana menjadi orang tua yang baik
Hanya ada satu kesamaan mendasar dari semua orang tua.
Semangat memberi sepenuhnya dan cinta yang seakan tak berbatas kepada buah hati

Bila dipikir-pikir, menjadi orang tua pun ada waktunya sendiri. Waktu yang mempersiapkan seseorang, dan kehendak seseorang pula yang membuatnya mengambil keputusan untuk menjadi orang tua (atau tidak).

Hidup....memang rangkaian keputusan, pilihan, dan konsekuensi yang timbul dari pilihan yang diputuskan. Rangkaian ini tidak dapat diputar kembali dan hal inilah yang membuat hidup begitu indah, penuh dengan kemungkinan yang jauh melebihi bayangan kita...namun di lain sisi, menimbulkan kekhawatiran tersendiri....

Bagaimanapun...tidak ada yang abadi kecuali perubahan itu sendiri.
Ingatan memudar
Orang berubah
Hasrat berlalu
Hidup berjalan


Dan tentunya, blog ini pun tak abadi....
Seperti yang tertuang dalam lagu Peterpan - Tak Ada Yang Abadi


Peterpan - Tak Ada Yang Abadi

Takkan selamanya tanganku mendekapmu
Takkan selamanya raga ini menjagamu

Seperti alunan detak jantungku
Tak bertahan melawan waktu
Semua keindahan yang memudar
Atau cinta yang telah memudar

Reff:
Tak ada yang abadi
Tak ada yang abadi
Tak ada yang abadi
Tak ada yang abadi

Biarkan aku bernafas sejenak
Sebelum hilang

Tak kan selamanya tanganku mendekapmu
Tak kan selamanya raga ini menjagamu
Jiwa yang lama segera pergi
Bersiaplah para pengganti

Reff



tulisan ini didedikasikan untuk seseorang yang telah memberi warna tersendiri dalam hidup saya