Midnite Cruise

post #294

Darn Speedy...still not working. They just changed my number without prior notification and when I called the customer service at this time, it's always said, the CSs were busy....yeah right!!! @!#$%&$%#%##@$#^$%~!/+. This kind of time made me grateful that I always had contingency. CBN dial up came to the rescue. Yeah I couldn't stream youtube without lag, but at least I could write and chat.

In an effort to keep my mind occupied, watched The Mummy : Tomb of the Dragon Emperor yesterday with colleagues. One of them brought two of her friends. Dentist to be....they were quite cute also....ermmm....but the cutest one of course was Isabelle Leong...darnnnn she's soooooo cuteeeee.... I was mesmerized when I saw her in that crisp and clear, not to mention big Blitz screen. Maria Bello wasn't as beautiful as Rachel Weisz, too bad. But she reminded me of Kate Beckinsale in Pearl Harbor...the hair style, wardrobe and accent.....Ahhh...Kate....I miss you....

Today I was supposed to watch Nidji concert at La Piazza, but it was too crowded. Been trying to work hard...but my female colleagues were very good. They still could read my emotions that I'd been trying to conceal. Girls...they really had good intuition. Or was it just me, too tired to turn on that emotionless mode. Or probably the emotions were just too powerful to be concealed. Anw, went back early to go to La Piazza. I asked my friend in last minute, luckily he could and bring another company. But we ended up talking at Starbucks La Piazza....right at that corner spot....*sigh Then we're planning to go karaoke, but all the places were full (Friday nite, no wonder). Checked the movie schedule, we're late. So we went to a friend's house and talked there till almost midnite. We talked a lot. my homie talked about how he woke up in the morning and realized...he/she was not there anymore...that there's something missing in his heart. Yeah bro... I'd felt it too. It's just....missing....incomplete....

I was sleepy and tired...thanks to work....but I didn't wanna go to sleep. I was afraid to wake up, found another day....I didn't want the day to end, and probably by not sleeping, it wouldn't. But I know eventually....it would....no matter how hard I tried...no matter how much I wanted it not to...Time never waited for us and it never would.

Memories were playing in my head like a film without a sound when I rode Elisha home. I took her at 100 kph near Gading...the first time ever...I just wanted to feel that rush....didn't care about anything else, just that adrenaline shot flowing through my veins....energizing me to reminisce the places I went to before....the roads I took...the moments I really wish could have again...Artha Gading was passed in an instant...Wind screamed a thousand words I didn't understand, words that filled my lungs, wanted to break free but couldn't penetrate the fortress. Reminded me of Jay's song... I'm heading North...leaving the season that has you in it.... Ahhh... Elisha...we'd been through it all together...hot, rain, flood, morning, afternoon, evening, midnite....As I cruised the empty streets, I just couldn't help the flashbacks...as if they were just yesterday...Yesterday...all my problems seem so far away.... they're just dancing in my mind....teasing me with nostalgic slides....like the one I had on Saturday when I was back from Futsal game.

I don't wanna close my eyes...I don't wanna fall to sleep cause I'd miss you, baby....


John Mayer - When You Dreaming With a Broken Heart

When you dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll out of bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering...

Was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not...
Cause she's gone...gone...gone..gone..gone


When you dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you with her crying eyes
Then all in once you had to say goodbye
Wondering

Could you stay, my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't...
Cause she's gone...gone...gone..gone..gone

Now do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

Would you get them if I did?
No you won't..
Cause you're gone...gone...gone..gone..gone

When you dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

Life Lessons

post #293

Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy. They just promised it would be worth it. GBU.

Received that sms from a friend yesterday. A quite nice one. The person who sent it was also a nice person. A young, beautiful and attractive mother of two. I remembered the first time I met her, I almost couldn't believe my eyes. Tall, white, slender, stylish. I was wow-ed at that time. Everyone would believe if she said she's still 22 and hadn't given birth. She sent the sms out of the blue. Well I guess that's the thing about women. They like to connect, to keep in touch. Today another friend of mine also called me on YM. We hadn't chatted and met in quite some time. I thought she'd been busy with her work, well it turned out that she's pregnant. Wow...congrats!!!

Anyway, about the sms... there were some thing I'd like to comment. Love the people who treat you right. Well, sometimes the standard of 'treat you (me in this case) right' could differ (slightly). Other could say to me that a person (let say a girl) treated me like shit, that she's only using me to get what she wanted....but if I didn't feel or think like that way about the girl...I wouldn't say that she's treating me wrong. Other people could only talk and give me their point of view, but still I was the one who had to realize (meaning I finally saw from a different perspective) it and decide what to do once I did.

Sometimes we need other people, third person perspective to give a better view of the things we're in, because once we're involved in the thing...whatever it was, system, organization, relationship, etc...we became a part of it and it's very hard to keep that level of objectivity. Like a saying...when people were in love, they only see what they want to see...not see what was really there. Actually, sometimes people only see what they want to see, regardless.

One thing I said over and over again to some friends of mine, 'everything happens for a reason'. Yeah I really believe that there's a lesson (at least) that could be learned from every single thing happened in our life. It depends on us to see, to understand and to get the lesson. No matter how hard the lesson seemed to be. Again, to be able to get the lesson, we might need to see from different point of views. Looking from different angles could lead to different understanding. Yeah I know it's much easier said than done. What if I was the one who always suffer? How long should I suffer to really understand the life lesson I need to learn? What if the lesson felt too hard?? That I couldn't be able to learn it? Could I skip it and take another lesson, something more subtle that I could take?

Similar to my previous blog..how long....? Couldn't be other ways, subtler ones for me to learn the life lessons? Weren't there other people who seemed learn their life lesson very comfortably? Unlike me who had to learn it the hard way, not to mention alone.

Yeah....other people might only help me as far as they could....but each and everyone of us need to learn our own lesson...And how many lessons learned in this life that determine a person's maturity. Just like gold is forged with very high temperature, I think we all had to be really burned to bring out the gold in ourselves. The process is painful...but it'll be worth it. Just don't ask me how long the process...I think I still in the process myself, dunno how much more....Beside nobody said life would be easy, right? I just have to have that believe, that faith...do my best...let God takes care of the rest...Because I have to realize that I have limitation. No matter how hard I try, there are just some things that beyond my strength. Things I cannot change, things I cannot undo, things I cannot stop. That's why I need wisdom to know which are the things I couldn't change and serenity to accept those things.

Sometimes I got weary from learning these endless lessons life thrown at me. Well, not all of them were my fave subjects anyway. Sometimes I got sick and tired...sometimes...all I need was a break....a time to relax, just like kids got holiday after exams. Time to recharge my battery. Time to rejuvenate myself to learn the next lessons. That's when it'd be so great to have friends, people who loved and really cared about me. They could help brush off my weariness, revive my spirit, and give me some hints and supports on the next lessons I was about to take after the break.

I think I've learned lots of lessons. Last Sunday I went karaoke with some friends. Two of the four jombloers couldn't make it, so we had to find substitutes. Two of our jr high friends joined us. We picked up Mansie at her work. She brought her friend. Tall, nice smile, cute face, reminded me of the person who sent me the above sms. The computer network was very slow so we had to wait for them to finish. In the mean time, we talked much. Then we went to Happy Puppy Green Garden. Sang for two hours then ate dinner. It felt very good to sing...yeahhhhh. We dropped off the girls one by one. Along the way we also engaged in quite serious conversation. I learned some valuable lessons there based on their perspective and experience. I realized that it was quite exhausting driving around Jakarta. Probably it's also caused by lack of sleep on Saturday, when I stayed up till 4 AM. Last persons to be dropped off were me and my homie. I went home riding Elisha from Gadink.

On Sunday I was also happy to know...that I could worry less. In time...maybe my presence wouldn't be needed anymore. Oh God, I hope I'd done my role well. I left it all to You...I didn't know what Your plans were...What's the meaning of all...I just believed, though I didn't quite sure I understand completely what lesson I should learn from all these. It's sad, but it might be for the better. I should learn to accept, to understand....come what may..


Originally written at Aug 27, 2008...
Thank to darn Speedy...I had to postpone this till now, Aug 29, 2008...oops Aug 30 actually, around 2 AM


Carrie Underwood - Lessons Learned

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[CHORUS:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[CHORUS]

And all the things that break you,
All the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.


From every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.

Emotions Eruption

post #292

It'd been a tiring week, both physically and emotionally. Luckily works seemed to be a bit better, but still there were other things came up that just filling this limited brain of mine. The peak was on Thursday. Emotions really took me over, got the better of me, swept me off my feet successfully. Maybe this was the result of opening the gate of my fortress, leaving it defenseless. A decision I made consciously *sigh

Blew off some steam yesterday by singing...ahhh...singing...one of the most effective medicine I need to take to calm down this uncontrollable eruptions of emotion. It's like my problems don't exist when the music start to play and I could sing my heart out.....kinda reminded me of Tony Leung's love to acting.... Like my old post, back one and a half year ago Sing. Music really has that power....actually not just to distract our attention from the reality...but it gives some comfort, soothing, and healing that we might need.

When the music feels like this,
When you lose control, you gotta go with it.
Ten feet high, flying above the sky.
Your problems don't exist, when music feels like this.

When the music feels like this,
DJ take control and grab a hold of me.
Spin that wheel, tell me how to feel.
I like the shape I'm in, when music feels like this.

Today, been a pretty busy Saturday. One thing that really got me excited was to play futsal again...after almost a month...I remembered the last time I played was on July 19, 2008. How could I forgot that date? *well probably someday I would ;D. This time there were only 12 of us. Just like few futsal session before. But I really enjoyed this one. Though it took quite some time to adjust (lack of stamina)...my that adrenaline rush, those emotions eruptions were flowing in every vein of my body, giving me that frenzy....Gosh, adrenaline was really good....add some emotions....hmmmm awesome! Finally managed to channel those into running, kicking, scoring goals.... Tried new shoes I got from the client and just like the first time I wore my Total Ninety, 17 goals were scored....I dunno whether this because of the shoes or the adrenaline juice. It felt like if I could just die there on the field, that would be great...I just wanna kept running....kicking....erupting all the emotions....This new place we tried was not as good as the usual place. It's more expensive and there's no shower....wth!!! So we went to eat dinner, still not fresh. It got worse coz it took so long to get our order....I had to wait for about 30 minutes to get my fried rice....then needed to rush home coz the clock was ticking to midnite.

Attended afternoon mass before that, the sermon was interesting *I didn't get sleepy during it...lolzzz...Went to Gadink and saw Telkomsel 3G event again....ermmm I think I also saw it last week, but this time it's different. For starter, no VJ Marissa... *sigh

Before that, there's an incident. Karen was hit when I was trying to switch lane near Pulomas. I instantly blocked the car who hit her and came out. The driver tried to argue but I was more furious....I intimidated him...*Ahhh I still had the skill. He chose the wrong person at the wrong time to mess with. *devilish grin The sad part was I had to call the insurance company and take her to get a body repair...But she'd be back smooth as silk....pretty as she always was.

I better get some sleep....if possible...the adrenaline juice++ hadn't really wore off. I need music....


Bravo All Stars - Let The Music Heal Your Soul

Oh when someone writes a song
With a simple rhyme
Just a song
Where the feelings show

And if someone feels the same
About the simple song
Oh sometimes
You just can hear them sing

Music gives you happiness and sadness
But it also, it also heals your soul

Chorus
Let the music heal your soul
Let the music take control
Let the music give you
The power to move any mountain

Or if someone plays piano
With some simple chords
So melodic
And endearing too

Oh if someone plays guitar
With the old piano
Then maybe
You can hear them sing

Music gives you happiness or sadness
but it also, it also heals your soul

Chorus

Oh yes
Let the music heal your soul
Let the music take control
Let the music heal your soul
Oh, oh yes

Let the music heal your soul
Let the music take control (take control)
Let the music heal your soul (heal your soul)
Let the music take control (let the music take control)
Let the music heal your soul
Let the music take control (oh yes)
Let the music heal your soul (everybody make
Let the music take control (let the music take control)
Let the music heal your soul (let it heal your soul)
Let the music take control (oh, oh)
Let the music heal your soul
Let the music take control

Get Rich or Die Tryin'

post #291


It’s a very intriguing movie title played by Curtis James Jackson III, or better known as 50 Cent. It reminded me of a story about a Zen master and his pupil. One day his pupil, who had been studying Zen for quite some time asked him, “Master, when will I acquire enlightenment? I’ve been studying hard and following you for so many years, but I still haven’t acquired an enlightenment.” The Zen Master said, ”Have you tried hard enough?” The Pupil answered, “Yes I have, Master.” Then the Zen Master took his pupil to a river and asked him to drown his head into the river. The pupil drowned his head into the river and thought that he would find the enlightenment in the river. To his surprised, the Zen Master held his head and keep it underwater. He was confused at first, didn’t understand why. Then he was getting out of breath. He tried to lift his head to get some air to breathe, but the Zen Master kept holding his head. The pupil was starting to struggle since he needed oxygen...he needed the air to breathe. The Zen Master kept holding his head few moments longer then he released it. The pupil quickly took deep breaths, filling his lungs with the air the he longed so much. Then when he got his breath back, the Zen Master told him, "You will acquire enlightenment when you want it as bad as you want the air to breathe when you were drowning."


Hmmmmm.....what did it say? That we had to want something sooooooooo baddddd to be able to achieve it? Well...I believe it had to be accompanied by never ending struggle as well (like the pupil struggling for air to breathe). I wanted to be rich so much.....I wanted to be stinky filthy rich... *quoting Daniel Mananta when he was being interviewed in VJ Hunt years ago.

But there were some questions popped out in my mind. If I wanted something so bad, would it be okay to go any length to achieve it? Did the end justify the means? Hmmmm....don't think so. Another one, what if I wanted something that is out of my reach? Something that I'd never achieve...something that may not even meant for me...or not meant to happen at all? How would I know that it's not meant for me? That things weren't meant to happen the way I had hoped?

What if my hope all this time was for nothing? The one and only hope that kept me going...the one that got me through each day....What's the point of living then if I already lost hope? Lost my purpose of life....Wanting something...something to happen, but it'd never happen....How long should I struggle? How much pain should I endure? How much longer should I kept holding on? One year? Two years? Ten years?

What's the use of all of these if in the end, I'd never achieve that thing...I'd never experienced that thing happen....Was this what people called...fate? If it was...then fate sucked...big time....Or if it's God's will, then why me? Haven't I been good enough? Why couldn't I get what I ask? It's a simple wish....Did I want too much? Did I ask too much? Why.....? Would I lose my faith in that Divine power? If it happened....what's next? What would my life be?

Again, how would I know that something was not meant for me? How would I know that something was not meant to happen? When I tried so hard but still didn't achieve it? When I took all measures but still didn't get it? Errmmm... I guess the answer is if I die, but still haven't achieved what I wanted to...then I'll know that it wasn't meant for me....I'd be like the pupil in the story above, but I never managed to get the air to breathe and ended up die drowning....struggling for something I could never achieve...Sad...but true...


So...get rich....or die tryin'

After Office Hour

post #290

*Drooling…

Samsung Omnia i900 was officially launched (and sold) today, starting from 5.30 PM. The launching was held at Samsung Plaza, Pacific Place. I was drooling when I saw the specs and features…I guessed that’s why it’s named Omnia. Omnia in Latin means Everything, and in Arabic means Wish. So Omnia could be said everything you wish for. *That’s what Marissa said. Been seeing her twice in less than 4 days. Saw her at MKG 3 at Telkomsel 3G event. But didn’t really get a good look at her since I was walking on the 1st floor, while she’s hosting the event on the ground floor. Today got a good look at her and she was pretty. She’s tall, had exquisite look on her face…and her accent was unique…typical *Darn Daniel…lolzzz…

Ok back to Omnia. What did it offer? Ermm… 240x400 widescreen display on 3.2” screen. Windows Mobile Pro 6.1, Pocket Office, 5MP camera with autofocus and image stabilizer, Divx and Xvid codec, Fast CPU, 16GB internal storage plus external memory card slot, Samsung touchwiz (saw the demo and it was quite impressive), slim monoblock form factor, Wifi, HSDPA, GPS (you name it), accelerometer, secondary camera for video call, etc. WOW! The design itself was similar to iphone, and talking about design would be a subjective matter…For me, the design was nice…simple and elegant…me want…me want…

It was pretty eventful day yesterday. Relaxing at home and watched Hitman. The main cast (47) was cool. Again inspired me to cut my hair like him, just like Michael Scofield did. Speaking of Michael Scofield, I was quite surprised to see T-Bag in Hitman. He played the chief of FSB…and then there was Ian from Desperate Housewive, Susan Mayer’s love interest, complete with his British accent. To make it merrier, there was also Desmond from Lost…I guess I’ve seen too many movie and TV serial…lolzzz. Overall, it’s a quite good movie. The Hitman was very cool. He’s like James Bond but He wasn’t swayed by Olga’s seduction. Bravo…

After watching Hitman, went to Gadink for a while to buy foundation for mom. Surprisingly (again), I met a girl whom I’d known from a forum almost two years ago. All these times…and we met by coincidence. At first I was reluctant to say Hi since I didn’t really have anything to say except small talk. But finally decided otherwise. Called her and we talked a bit. She went there with her sister. She’s different than I’d expected, from the pictured of her I’d seen. There’s no wow effect, I was just like…owww…ok that’s her. Probably it’s the timing that made the difference. She said that my voice was different, that it’s deeper than the one she heard on the phone…ermm…phone effect? ;D People change, feelings come and go, time never waits for us. Anyway, it’s nice to finally meet her in real life. We parted ways after that brief conversation and I went home.

Spent the rest of the afternoon browsing, chatting and trying to get a quick nap to prepare for this short week. It seemed that the work was getting better…hopefully it was. Now here I am…after office hour…trying to resolve this mixed emotions. *take a deep breath… I need to calm myself for tonight and nights after today…I need to regain my composure. *think…think…calm…calm…I want an Omnia…!!!! Lolzzz





Savage Garden - Tears of Pearls


And we stare each other down like victims in the grind
Probing all the weakness and hurt still left behind and we cry
The tears of pearls
We do it. Oh we do it.

Is love really the tragedy the way you might describe?
Or would a thousand lovers still leave you cold inside?
Make you cry...
These tears of pearls

All these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls
Stolen pearl devotions we keep locked away from all the world

Your kisses are like pearls, so different and so rare
But anger stole the jewels away and love has left you bare,
Made you cry...
These tears of pearls

Well I could be the tired joker pour my heart to get you in
Sacrifice my happiness just so I could win
Maybe cry...
These tears of pearls

All these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls
Stolen pearls devotions we keep locked away from all the world

We twist and turn where angels burn
Like fallen soldiers we will learn
That once forgotten, twice removed
Love will be the death...
The death of you

All these mixed emotions we keep locked away like stolen pearls
Stolen pearls devotions we keep locked away from all the world

Sleepy Sunday

post #289

HOAAAAAAAAAAA.........finally got some time to write again...
As I had predicted, work had been 'killing' me this week. So little time so much to do. But it went quite well till this weekend I suppose. Ok let's go with this week recap.

Tons of mundane works needed to be done...boringggg....yet stressing. Luckily I could 'escape' earlier on Thursday with a good excuse, project dinner. The BP OW2 held a celebration dinner for a very successful project. It's said that we're recognized globally. Well, I was more focused on the foods..;D. They're delicious....yummy....we had a fun game and I got the young team, all ATS. We got the first chance so we (I actually) chose song title category. Then a song was played... I recognized it immediately...it's Peterpan - Menghapus Jejakmu... the crowd was amazed by the flash answer (correct one)....the game was fun and we (the young team) won...never underestimate the young guns...lolzzz...

There I got an update...another colleague would soon be graduating from this 'academy'. *sigh.... it seemed like everybody was leaving....Everybody's moving on. Had I been standing still all along? Running in circles? I wish it'd been that simple, that easy to decide....There were some persons, some matters that I couldn't turn my back on just like that...careful consideration was essential...The question now was...who's next??? ;D

For the first time ever, I spent the night at the client site, executing cut over with the conversion team. Before that, had a dinner with a former colleague who got a grant to pursue Master degree in Europe... WHAT??? Yeahhh Europeeeeee..... *drollingg...... argghhh....me want toooo!!!! She's very lucky (not to mention smart and cute also)..... She said she'd spend two years there...first she'd be studying in France....then Netherland and Finland.....*high level jealousy....lolzzz.... We ate at Taichan and took some pics....then me and the conversion team checked in at Sultan Hotel. The hotel wasn't too impressive. The room wasn't as good as I had expected from a five star(?) hotel. But the bathroom was excellent. Took a shower and lied down for a while, then at around 11 PM we went back to the office to work. The cut over went smoothly and we managed to finish earlier at around 7 AM. I found out that some of my friends were nocturnal...chatted for a while with them at around 3-5 AM...lolzz... Then we played tennis table for a while...got back to the hotel. I ate breakfast, took a shower then went home... I worked two shift that Friday-Saturday...lolzz...

But couldn't got some sleep right away...I finally got my hair cut...a little earlier that I thought...but it's ok. Tried a new place...the result was good. *pheww...;D Today....I went to St James church...sat to a middle aged man (in his forty I assumed). Dunno why, my mind went to some assumptions why he's alone (sorry God, didn't mean to lose focus). Ermmm...maybe his family had come to the church earlier...or later.... maybe his wife n children had a different religion.....maybe...he's single, since I didn't see any wedding ring on his fingers. But again the absence of wedding ring didn't mean that he's not married...he could just simply didn't wear it. Hmmm.....could this man a projection of me....twenty years from now? Would I always attend mass alone? It's not like I was looking for a companion....it's just a thought crossed my mind. If I were to stay single or marrying a woman with a different religion....I'd be like him *but much more good looking of course...lolzzz...Another thought came on my mind...was he happy? I couldn't really read his facial expression. He got this plain expression on his face. Well anyway... I spent the rest of today feeling sleepy...tried to get some sleep...but didn't really work...

Heard this Fergie song (I know it's Fergie since she had this unique voice).....and in the spirit of labels...I didn't really like this word....*refer to my previous blog entry....here it is.... Labels or Love....a good song, with nice lyric...


Fergie - Labels or Love

Shopping for labels, shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, it's all I'm thinking of
Shopping for labels, shopping for love
1, 2
Manolo and Louis, it's all I'm thinking of
1, 2, 3 Turn the lights on.

I already know what my addiction is
I be looking for labels, I ain't looking for love
I shop for purses while love walks out the door
Don't cry, buy a bag and get over it
And, I'm not concerned with all the politics
It's a lot of men I know I could find another.

What I know is that I'm always happy when I walk out the store, store
I guess I'm Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with
I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him, tryna to walk a mile in my kicks

[Chorus]
Love's like a runway but which one do I love more?
No emotional baggage, just big bags filled with Dior
Love's like a runway, so what's all the fussing for?
Let's stop chasing them boys and shop some more.
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, Turn the lights on.

I know I might come off as negative
I be looking for labels, I ain't looking for love
Relationships are often so hard to tame
A Prada dress has never broken my heart before
And, ballin's something that I'm fed up with
I'mma do the damn thing, watch me do the damn thing
Cause I know that my credit card will help me put out the flames
I guess I'm Supercalifragi-sexy, nothing to be playing with
I love him, hate him, kiss him, diss him, tryna to walk a mile in my kicks

[Chorus]


Gucci, Fendi, Prada purses, purchasing them finer things
Men they come a dime a dozen, just give me them diamond rings
I'm into a lot of bling, Cadillac, Chanel and Coach
Fellas boast but they can't really handle my female approach
Buying things is hard to say
Rocking Christian Audigier, Manolo, Polo, taking photos in my Cartier
So we can't go all the way, I know you might hate it but
I'm a shop for labels while them ladies lay and wait for love

[Chorus]
Love's like a runway but which one do I love more?
No emotional baggage, just big bags filled with Dior
Love's like a runway, so what's all the fussing for?
Let's stop chasing them boys and shop some more.
1, 2, 1, 2, 3, Turn the lights on.

Shopping for labels, shopping for love
Manolo and Louis, it's all I'm thinking of
Shopping for labels, shopping for love
1, 2
Manolo and Louis, it's all I'm thinking of
1, 2, 3 Turn the lights on.

Frozen

post #288

My friends often said that I'm too logical, cold, and not emotional. I seldom got carried away, blinded by emotions and acted solely driven by them. I usually took a step back, tried to look from a different perspective, combined with logical thinking before making any decision to jump into the water or not.

There's a quite good reason for that, I think. Sometimes (if not most of the times), the decision we make, the things we do when we're strongly influenced only by feelings might not be the best. We might regret doing or making those decisions/actions. A simple example: Let say I'm angry with someone, then in the spur of the moment, I said something that (I know for sure) hurt that person's feeling, though I didn't intentionally mean it. It was my emotions that drove me to say those harsh words. Later when the emotions subside, when I was calm down, I'd regret saying those things. Not to mentions if actually I was angry because of something/someone else,but that person was 'lucky' to be my sand bag.

Even if I was angry with that person, ermmm...I usually took a deep breath...tried to think positive...why should I be angry? was I angry with a good reason? should I say/do things that might hurt that person only to satisfy my anger? was it worth it? *Ermmm...maybe that's why friends of mine used to say that I'm too slow (as in processing information and emotions....). A bit frozen I guess.

Anyway...ok after the anger subsided, yes I could apologize to that person, sincerely and hoped that person would forgive me. But there's a chance that that person might not forgive me. Maybe I'd crossed the line too many times, or reached that point of no return where the damage was too big to be undone. Then...I'd only have myself to blame.

Or maybe that person was kind or forgiving enough to forgive me. Ermm...probably if the person was forgetful enough, I'd be spared from guilt, since he/she wouldn't remember the hurt I caused. But, still the damage was done. I couldn't turn back time and take back those words/things. There's a story I like to illustrate about this.


There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

The little boy then understood how powerful his words were. He looked up at his father and said "I hope you can forgive me father for the holes I put in you."

"Of course I can," said the father.


Ok, I couldn't really compare people with fence, but the point was, though that person that I hurt could forgive me, still I already made a damage. Yeah, I wouldn't hurt that person intentionally, I was being blinded by my emotions (anger), right? Moreover if that person was someone close to me. I'd have better chance to hurt that person. That's why I think it's better to prevent (hurting people coz I was in bad temper) than to cure (apologize for my blurt and regret for the damage that had been done).

Or...maybe...just maybe...the more often I got angry and say/do bad things the person close to me, that person could adapt (or become numb???) to my character (bad tempered)....hmmm.....But, was this character (bad tempered) worth keeping? Or was it better to keep that person? I could ask that person who's close to me to understand me, to adapt with my character....but on the other hand, I should also be sensible, put my ego aside...I should try to understand that person and adapt as well. It's not about not being (the bad tempered) me....but more to evolve...to grow...to be better...if the changes was for the better...why wouldn't I change? It's about being a better me.

Well...probably this kind of thinking that made me considered cold and emotionless. That I seldom jump into chances and just seize the moment. That I wasn't really live....too much thinking and analyzing.... Ermmm...been trying to balance but it's not as easy as it may seem. Maybe because my heart been frozen for quite some time...it's shy to embrace the warmth of emotions. I actually embraced them, but maybe my heart wasn't opened big enough, plus tried to combine it with clear thinking to get the best mixture.


Speaking of mixture....been busy birthday week. A friend of mine celebrated her birthday on Aug 2. She invited me to go clubbing, but I wasn't interested so I declined. Three of my friends shared same birthday on Aug 6. Two females and one male. *Don't think about threesome....lolzzz... Then the cute girl who happened to be my junior in university (update: she's also my junior in jr high....WTH!!!...lolzzz) birthday was on Aug 7. Again I wish them more success in life n love...lot of laughs, warmth of family, joy and comfort of love may stay under their roofs...God bless them in each step they make...

Today...the special number of 888, the starting of (Summer) Olympic Games 2008, also a birthday of a friend I knew from a forum. This sunday, another would be celebrating her birthday.....really...really full week. Not to mention next week, two of my friends would be celebrating their birthday. Then the week after that...another friend's birthday...full till the end of month.... Maybe their parents had the same schedule.....lolzzzz....

And starting next week, I should prepare for the 'torture' again. Long working hours were already visible....*sigh.... my good times was about to end.... there's a time to relax...there's a time to work like crazy... (not too crazy I hope)... really...everything has it's own time...time to listen to my heart...time to listen to my mind...time to listen to both....time to be frozen....time to be fiery...time to relax....time to suffer (please don't long long lahhhhh for this one)...lolzzz

And now...it's time to sleep. Buona Notte.


Madonna - Frozen

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken

Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

If I could melt your heart

My Idea Of Heaven

post #287

Just lying here with you...
Feeling your heart beating...
No words need to be said
Silence speaks for both of us...
Savoring each second we spend...
This is my idea of heaven...


Leigh Nash - My Idea Of Heaven

I never thought I'd get here; I was so far away
I didn't believe in love, thought it was just a game people played
Everything changed when I met you
I touched your hand, you took my heart
And you led me to a better place, just the two of us
In the dark...

This is my idea of heaven, lying here with you
This is my idea of heaven, nothing else, I'd rather do

I never thought you'd get here, why'd you make me wait?
And when I looked into your eyes, I recognised you were my fate
I've been living in a lonely shell, with no windows, to the world
How in God's name did you find, the lonestar's
Loneliest girl...

This is my idea of heaven, lying here with you
This is my idea of heaven, nothing else, I'd rather do

To feel your heart, beating
To feel our lips, meeting

This is my idea of heaven, ooh
In heaven, love is everywhere
There is no pain, there are no tears
In heaven, love lasts forever, it doesn't, disappear...

This is my idea of heaven, lying here with you
This is my idea of heaven, nothing else, I'd rather do

To feel your heart, beating
To feel our lips, meeting

This is my idea of heaven, ooh
This is my idea of heaven, lying here with you

Darker Before Dawn

post #286

The night is darkest before dawn

That line by Harvey Dent played on my mind after I watched The Dark Knight. It’s a very good movie. Joker really became the center of gravity of The Dark Knight. Beside his remarkable acting, probably Heath’s death also boosted people’s acknowledgement. It’s such a shame that he had to die at such young age. He’s the best Joker so far, at least for me. I took Charlize’s advice and watched it on Wednesday, after a long sleep, at La Piazza. Got one seat at A row. That’s the good side of watching movie alone, you’d always get a decent seat, no matter how full the theater was. The movie itself was quite long, about 150 minutes, but I wouldn’t leave my seat for anything. Harvey Two Face was also introduced in this movie, it’s too bad that he just got a little portion. There were some cast that I recognized from other movie/serial. Like William ‘Alexander Mahone’ Fitchner from Prison Break. And the Mayor…I’d seen him somewhere…just couldn’t remember where. One thing that disappointed me was…Rachel. Not as beautiful as I had expected. But still, it’s great movie. After the movie I went home. Yeah I went to La Piazza just to watch The Dark Knight.

I was shocked for a while when I got to the motorcycle parking. Elisha was gone… It took a few seconds for me to really sure that she wasn’t at the same spot I left her earlier. WTF!!!! My heart was beating faster. Bad scenarios were playing on my mind…but then I managed to get my composure and asked the parking attendant there. He suggested me to search somewhere on the back…yeah right…which one is the back among that sea of motorcycles? I’d take hours to look at those motorcycles one by one. So I just follow the direction that the guy showed faintly and let my instinct guide me…lucky me, not more that five minutes, I found Elisha. There she was, standing (or should I say sitting?) calmly beside a Ninja. *relief sigh Thank God! I learned my lesson not to leave her carelessly, my poor Elisha.

I quickly rode her home. Got home, ate a bit. Didn’t really have an appetite due to sore throat. Wanted to get some afternoon nap, but didn’t feel like to, so I watched No Reservation instead. CZJ was really beautiful. Her pillow face…darn Michael Douglas to be able to see her face every day, every morning…(well probably it’s the make up also that made her face look so adorable..but still…she’s one lovely lady). To my surprise, Aaron Eckhart (the guy who played Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight) was also the leading role in No Reservation. What a coincidence choice of movies I watched that day…lolzzz. The story was standard, after that I got my nice afternoon nap.

Yesterday…I ate Haagen-Dazs again…Boyyyy…two birthdays in a week, two birthday cakes, three scoops of Chocolate ice cream, two scoops few days after that, then a scoop yesterday…really made me full (and in a need of rest) of Haagen-Dazs. Yesterday also for the first time ever, watched a movie at Blitz Megaplex PP. And I watched The Dark Knight again, to compare the theater quality (my friend had been praising Blitz’s quality and his now reluctance to watch movie at Cineplex again). I had to say, he’s right. The movie quality was better. It’s crisp and brighter I think. I really could feel the difference (remembering I just watched the previous day at a different theater). The sound system was also better. The rumblings and explosions were felt more. And the best part, we watched it using a friend’s card, thus we got 75% discount…sweet, huh?

Well…it’s been movie and music week. Been to four different karaoke places this week. Happy Puppy, Blitz Karaoke, XKTV, and Nav. Blitz n XKTV were suck. The songs weren’t complete and the user interface was poor. Probably these intensive singing sessions were the cause of my sore throat…..hmmmm could be. One thing I could use and really wanted now was Wolverine’s healing factor. My left knee still throbbing a bit. The wound was getting better, but it healed slowly. I might have to absent from the biweekly futsal game. *sigh…darn…probably it healed slower than I had expected coz I forced myself to play on Monday. But when I was playing, I didn’t feel anything….adrenaline…such a powerful drug. Another thing, after the usual parking area was closed down, I had to park Elisha near Bengkel Café. And on my way to the office, I met this cool, quite attractive girl wearing glasses. It’d been four times…hmmmm…nice morning view…lolzzzz…

Ok back to the quote. There were lots of good n entertaining quotes from The Dark Knight. Most of them were from Joker. There’s this one sad part when Bruce didn’t get to know that Rachel finally decided to marry Harvey instead. Bruce asked Rachel whether she really meant it when she said that they could be together once Batman was no longer needed in Gotham. Bruce thought that he could ‘retire’ as Batman and let Harvey fight crime legally on broad daylight. But Rachel knew that the day when Batman retired would never come. She wrote him a letter, but never got to him since Alfred burnt it. Didn’t know why…but probably because Alfred knew that Bruce still clang to the hope, to Rachel’s words that they could be together…while Rachel saw that it would never come…that she already gave up hope(?). *sighhh…it’s a sad situation. On one side, Rachel’s been waiting…(a year following Batman Begins timeline) in uncertainty. And yet, she thought the cloud was never gonna be clearer. What about Bruce? He still hoped on that words…the one chance to have a normal life. Maybe that’s why Alfred burnt the letter, he didn’t want to make Bruce give up hope as well. Maybe like what I wrote in Superheroes, they also bore a lot heavier burden that we might assume. Bruce Wayne, a billionaire, one of the most wealthiest and powerful man in the world…who would have thought that he also bear that kind of burden? Never be able to live a normal life, having someone he loved by his side…

Alfred also said, similar like Harvey’s…Things are always get worse before they get better. Or quoting Spice Girl’s song….there’s a rainbow in every storm. sometimes Most of the times, all we have to do is endure…keep hangin there, though it seemed things were just only getting worse…but it’d be clearer. A better day would come. The storm would pass, leaving the clear day(s) to be enjoyed. We just have to endure and do our best. Yeah sometimes it’d make us so weary…that’s why we need something to help us re-energize ourselves, to be able to endure. Be patient to endure....
As for Batman....ermmm....like the world's greatest scout (and other superheroes)...he also lived in his fortress of solitude batcave. But he endured.

The night is darkest before dawn…but I promise you, the dawn is coming