Midnite Mind Maze

post #236

"...My life is brilliant
My love is pure
I saw an angel
Of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway church
She was with another man
But I won't lose no sleep on that night
'Cause I've got a plan..."

Just got back from church...Got there five minutes before the mass started. Met this so lovely n cute girl...I was like...oh boyyyyy.....Sat next to her and I could steal some glances....*talking about distraction, huh? *Sorry God.... fair and smooth skin, beautiful eyes, cute face and voice, nice proportional figure, great legs and calves.....wearing this one piece skirt?? (I dunno the name the clothing style she wore) and pink shoes. Her feet thumb was colored red, both of them....

"...Yes, she caught my eye
As I walked on by we sat next to each other
She could see from my face that I was fuck#ng high mesmerized,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'til the end..."

The mass didn't feel that long...though it lasted two hours...lolzzz...I had this urge to ask her cellphone number...but then my mind quickly devised few scenarios..I felt like Nicolas Cage in Next when he's trying to get Jess Biel's attention, the difference was that I wasn't able to know the result of each scenario so I dismissed all of them. She looked so young...too young...I assumed she's in high school...I didn't see any prospects (yet)...she just really caught my eyes in the moment...

"...You're beautiful, You're beautiful,
You're beautiful, it's true,
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do
'Cause I'll never be with you..."

Well...she really succeeded in getting my attention, though not entirely...But still she'd score high in physical appearance term. She's just adorable....And I've never seen her before. Was it a sign that I met her? Should I have asked her number? Maybe I'd ask her number if she looked a lil bit older...or maybe not :D Life is like this maze. One choices lead to another...and another...and so on. You can't go back to change your previous made choices, you have to face the consequences of the choices and they lead to different events and results. I chose not to go on with it and the choices led my to this...writing this blog...if I had asked her number, maybe I wouldn't be doing this, instead I would be texting her at the moment....flirting around...lolzzz....Ermmm.....tricky....

"...But it's time to face the truth.
I will never be with you..." *Singing this while walking home under shimmering full moon

Btw....Happy Easter everybody...
Be good..be better...

Same Old Brand New You

post #235

Repent!

That's the message that is kept repeated over and over again each Lent. Yeah some might get bored with it, some might take it seriously, some might ignore it.

What's the point of repeating the same message?
Well I think it's because human has the tendency to forget, to become lazy after a while....This is to invigorate us, to remind us....

What's the point of repenting if later on we might fall or do the same bad things (or other)? Why bother repenting at all? Aren't we then just making empty promises that we cannot keep?
Errrmmmm....In my opinion....I'd like to use this illustration...what's the point of taking a bath? We might (surely) get dirty again. Why don't we just not take a bath at all? We can save some money from the soap, shampoo, and water..... or Why do we eat? We'll eventually get hungry again after a couple of hours. Why don't we just not eat at all?

It's because eat is a primary need (so does bath actually I think :D). If we don't eat, we'll die. If we don't take a bath, people around us will die when they smell our very strong odor...lolzzz. That's the point, we need to do these activities to keep us alive (and smell good). Then, do we really need to repent? Depends on each person I guess. It's needed because we need to 'clean' ourselves from all the mistakes we've made, just like taking a bath will clean our physical body. We feel more comfortable in doing our activities if our body is clean, right? Well unless you like being filthy and stinky or your line of work require you to be dirty all the time.

I think it's also necessary for each and everyone of us (aside from Catholic dogma or any religion view) to reflect every once in a while. Human has the ability (and drive) to evolve, to be better. Unless you already satisfied with what you are and everything that you own, thus you feel there's nothing more you need. But hey, I'm sure we all most of the time (if not always) want something (or everything? :D) more.

The essence of repent is more in the behavior, on the inside. We need to improve from the core. Yeah appearance is also important but that's what people tend to go after first and forget about the character quality of a person.

See the pic below. My 'old' cellphone looks old, unattractive. The casing has worn off, scratches are everywhere, the display plastic is not crystal clear anymore, and the keypads aren't responsive anymore (not to mention all the numbers and symbols have been totally erased).


But after I bought a new casing and put it on...voila....I (feel like) had a new cellphone (Ok the backlight did a little trick to help giving the impression). I present you my same old brand new cellphone. The machine was still the same, but with only some make over it gave a different impression, huh?


Performance wise, it's still the same. Appearance on the other hand gives different impression. This is what often mislead people, the superficial quality. Ok, it's a machine, it cannot evolve. People can. What's the point changing our appearance if deep down inside we're still the same and not improving? Yeah we might give a different impression to other people, but it's temporary coz sooner or later people will realize that we're still the same old brand new person that they know.

That's why imo bible expects (and urge) behavioral change in Lent, rather than just outer changes, as written in Joel 2 : 13 (see below). And that we're expected to be a new (better) person so we can receive the new wine (symbol of new life).

Repent, and be better.


Joel 2:12-13
12)Yet even now, says the LORD, return to me with your whole heart, with fasting, and weeping, and mourning;

13)Rend your hearts, not your garments, and return to the LORD, your God. For gracious and merciful is he, slow to anger, rich in kindness, and relenting in punishment.


Matthew 9:16-17
16)No one patches an old cloak with a piece of unshrunken cloth, for its fullness pulls away from the cloak and the tear gets worse.

17)People do not put new wine into old wineskins. Otherwise the skins burst, the wine spills out, and the skins are ruined. Rather, they pour new wine into fresh wineskins, and both are preserved."



A1 - Same Old Brand New You

I can still remember the time you were there
When I needed to hold you, feel you
Everytime I ask you to find a new way
You lie a new way
Is it gone, gone, gone, gone, gone

You'll change
You'll never change
You're never never gonna keep your promises x 2

You said you'd change
But I'm afraid
It's something I won't live to see
It's seems so strange
That sometimes fate
Can appear to be so real
And yet turn out to be a fantasy

Same old line, one more time
Say you're gonna be, there for me
Say you'll change, change your ways
Never gonna keep your promises
Same old game ( Ben - You know it doesn't turn me on)
Brand new day (Ben - You're singing that same old song)
No more lies (Ben - If you don't wanna find me gone, gone, gone, gone, gone)

Another night, another day
What can I say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break your promises in two
What can I do
When you're the same old brand new you

You'll change, you'll never change
You're never never gonna keep your promises x 2

Because of you, I guess we're through
Is this the way it has to be
I've been a fool (Ben - I've been a fool)
A fool for you (Ben - A fool for you)
But I've got better things to do than let you walk all over me

Same old line, one more time
Say you're gonna be, there for me
Say you'll change, change your ways
Never gonna keep your promises
Same old game (Ben - You know it doesn't turn me on)

Brand new day (Ben - You're singing that same old song)
No more lies (Ben - If you don't wanna find me gone, gone, gone, gone, gone)

Another night, another day
What can I say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break your promises in two
What can I do
When you're the same old brand new you

I can still remember the time you were there
When I needed to hold you, feel you
Everytime I ask you to find a new way
You lie a new way
Is it gone, gone, gone, gone, gone

(Instrumental break)

You'll change, you'll never change
You're never never gonna keep your promises x 2

Same old line, one more time
Say you're gonna be, there for me
Say you'll change, change your ways
Never gonna keep your promises
Same old game (Ben - You know it doesn't turn me on)
Brand new day (Ben - You're singing that same old song)
No more lies (Ben - If you don't wanna find me gone, gone, gone, gone, gone)

Another night, another day
What can I say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break your promises in two
What can I do
When you're still the same old brand new you

Another night, another day
What I can say
You break your promises in two
What can I do

Another night, another day
What I can say
You're still the same old brand new you
You break your promises in two
What can I do
You're still the same old brand new you

Wash Away Your Trace

post #234

Hmmm....enough with the long, song-less posts...this post is dedicated to Peterpan. Since I really love their song, Menghapus Jejakmu, I've been trying to translate it to English (and record it). Here's the result, Menghapus Jejakmu English Version.... The words maybe a lil bit awkward....maybe I'll revise them if I get better ones.

This song along with Jay Chou's Jian Dan Ai are the only songs I like enough (and manage) to translate into English....


AT - Wash Away You Trace (Menghapus Jejakmu English Version)

I keep on walking, forgetting you
I'm tired looking at your behavior
Your way of thinking leaves me in doubt
Impossible that what we have will last

Little by little dreams been bothering me
I've been trying to keep myself away
Little by little my heart is chained
I try to move on with my life


Reff:
You should know you are not my everything
Not a place for me to end my journey
It's over...everything has passed
Let the rain wash away your trace


I keep on walking, forgetting you
I'm tired looking at your behavior
Your way of thinking leaves me in doubt
Impossible that what we have will last

Little by little dreams been bothering me
I've been trying to keep myself away
Little by little my heart is chained
I try to move on with my life

Reff


Let go everything...let go everything....

Reff

You are not my everything
Not a place for me to end my journey
It's over...everything has passed
Let the rain wash away your trace

La la la la la...
La la la la la...
La la la la la...
Let the rain wash away your trace...


Here's how it sounds (I think I need to get a better mic :D)
Wash Away Your Trace

Here's the original Indonesia version (cover version by me, sung at Happy Puppy Green Garden)...noises are noticeable...;p
Menghapus Jejakmu

Scheming

post #233

"...before I fall in love...I'm preparing to leave her..."

that line from Robbie William's song, Feel played on my mind when I was thinking about this topic.

'People do not plan to fail. They just fail to plan.'
It's one of the quote I like. I think it's true. Maybe I'm too caught up with my own plans. Too busy scheming (somehow this word, scheming reminded me of Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl serial). Everytime I met a girl who caught my attention...my mind developed few scenarios right away. Just like Robbie's song...I predicted how thing would go...how far and long the relationship would last...and before I knew...the moment has passed away since I took too many time to think. My friend told me that I often over analyzing things. Maybe it's my instinct to get all the necessary details I need to have before making any move...too tend in playing safe and not losing my self to the urge...

Maybe because I want a relationship that I know n I'm sure will last. If the prospect of that is too small...I ain't too keen to try...esp if I can see that it won't last very long. Yeah I know some girls are attractive but I don't see any future with them, so why bother trying. I tend to see from the compatibility factor. I know people change...but not that much. We all have a basic characteristics that define who we are as a person. If we cannot accept a person's behavior/characteristics now...don't expect he/she would change let say after marriage....because he/she won't. I guess this is what sometimes we forget due to the intoxicating drug called love. You know there's a saying...when you're in love...everything is beautiful... (yeah right, because you're too blind to see....you only see what you want to see..)

I sometimes visualized myself if I were in a relationship with the girl that I'm attracted to. First month...second...third...and so on. I even once thought about the birthday present I'd give her...a CDMA phone (pink colored) along with the number that represent her birthday (I'd also buy another one for myself, the phone and the similar number)...about where would I take her on our anniversary...where we would live....what are the names of our children and what school would they go..... talking about thinking ahead...this is wayyyyyy tooo farrr...lolzzz....

I guess it's also because I read Stephen R Covey book...he said we created things twice....first in our mind. We designed and visualized the things we wanted to build, then we realize those designs in life. Problem is I think I'm still in designing phase. Still scheming the best blue print and scenario for my life. I have vague image about it, but the route to get there is another thing. And girlfriend can be getting in the way if we do not share same/similar visions. We cannot grow together toward the same direction and it'll be impossible for us to stay together. Again I say that an honest communication is essential from the beginning of relationship so both parties knows what their counterpart's visions, dreams, aspirations...what are expected from the relationship.

Lately I found out that older girls are attractive. They don't whine too much...they're more mature and know what they want. They do not crave for 24/7 attention and accompany. I guess my cousin was right when she said that kids from dysfunctional family tend to grow up faster and reached maturity before the time they should. Beside...age is just a number, right? It doesn't determine one's maturity.

Well...I think now I have to put the plan in motion..aligning it with the schematics I've been building...and prepare for any consequences from my choices....like this saying...

Hope for the best...prepare for the worst

Sunday Story

post #232

Whoaaaaa......finally got some time (n mood) to write another entry to this blog. Been very occupied by work lately...like I said in my previous entry, after I got back from Bali, I was filled with this energy and spirit to work. I think the company decision to had an outing in Bali was a very good one, to keep the morale of the employees high and make them ready to work HARD. Well at least that happened to me, though there's a personal reason for this vigorous effort. Reminded me of the darker days when Ode To Joy was the catalyst to make me go on. So now everytime I got too lazy, I bitch slap myself (mentally) to wake me up from the laziness and procrastination.

Soooooo...this week (and last week) has been working and sleeping. The first day of work after I got back from Bali, I went home from the client's office at 12 AM...yes it's midnite and I had to come back again at 8 AM in the morning....talking about work hard, huh? lolzzz....I even went to work on March 7 (Seclusion Day). But the highlight of last week probably the musical gath I had with WGers. It's the first and was very exciting. We rent a studio for three hours and had ourselves a little jamz session (if I can call it that) :D. Too bad we didn't have the time to play my request song, Menghapus Jejakmu. We were still adapting to each other and I believe we'll be better next time. The singers were incredible. I admired their voices. Nat's voice was clear and powerful, Mike had this jazzy character on his voice...Eka's voice was stunning...darn....I think mine was the worst...but nevermind...I love to sing and that's all that really matters to me. We recorded two songs, 11 Januari and That What's Friends Are For. I didn't prepare myself to sing 11 Januari so the result was not too okay. After we recorded the songs, Bastian played one song from his artist...darrnnnnnnnnn......our voices were like crap compared to it.

On Sunday I went to Happy Puppy GG with Agus and the Rengaters. We sang for about three hours...Yeahhhh!!! Life's good (on that moments..lolzz). I was amazed by the Rengaters...they spoke Mandarin fluently and 95% of the songs they sang were Mandarin..I was lost in translation, like a tourist in Beijing...lolzzz....

Anyway the jamz and singing session gave me enough energy to survive this week. Days went by unnoticed. All the sudden, it was Friday...yippieeee...but now on Sunday, I already thinking....*darn tomorrow is a start of another working week....accompanied by traffic jam tortures....

Talking about traffic jam, yesterday's traffic was very !@#%$*$%#&$ !!! Went to Mega Bazaar Computer at 12 PM...took the toll road...but the rain was pouring down very heavily (seriously...it's very big) and it's kinda stuck, so I took the artery road. The traffic was just the same....very bad. Arrived there at almost 2 PM..wtf...it took almost 2 hours.....it's really @$%^#$%#...Looked at the exhibition, there were some cute SPGs...(Byon, Fujitsu and Alvaciana) ;p... Went back at around 3.30 PM...arrived at St. James church around 5 PM..... so I only spent one and a half hour at the exhibition vs almost three and a half hour on the road....that's why we sometimes say that Jakarta residents are getting older on the road...lolzzz....

After the afternoon mass...went to pick up Jef...another traffic jam awaited me. It took almost half an hour just to get to the u turn...and it's all because the road in front of Makro was damaged. I think Gandhi himself would be the one who honks the loudest...it's so...!@$%^%$#^%&)(....

Anyway....played futsal again last nite...there weren't too many participants, which was good...it's such a rush to play again...to be involved in something I'm passionate about...to be lost in the moment...forget all the problems whatsoever...ermmm...maybe it's like drugs or alcohol...lolzzz...reminded me of a friend of mine's blog...it's about how to enjoy life. Some people look for something...some way to enjoy their life...some might go to a discotheque, drink beers, take drugs...etc...For me...singing, playing futsal, watching good movies, listening music n hang out with friends are enjoying life.....

Well...enough with the story...I need to take a rest now....in the past two days there're two girls said that I'm cute....*blushing... lolzzz.... they really brighten up my day....it's nice to receive a compliment...like a friend of mine said...it's good for our self esteem...;p

The Island of Gods

post #231

Been meaning to write this earlier, but work's been crazy lately.

Day 1

Arrived at the terminal 1C a bit early at around 8.30 AM, but it's good. There were already some yellow and red shirts around. we checked in at 9.30 AM. Took some pics near the departure gate, Albert was keen enough to be our photographer. We went into the boarding room, but at 10 AM there's an announcement that the flight would be delayed for 30 minutes. Then at 10.30 AM, there's a second announcement (we all already guessed it), flight would be delayed for another 10 minutes. Thank God there's no third delay.

We boarded the plane at around 11 AM. The plane seemed new. It's Airbus 319 (if I'm not mistaken), better than the Garuda plane I got when I went to Jogjakarta. Mandala Airlines improved it's image a bit (beside the delay).

The flight took about one and a half hour. Arrived behind the schedule in Bali, so we had to improvised. The welcoming committee was good and the we had a very hilarious tour guide. The bus went to Bali Plaza to get our lunch, we had to eat on the bus to catch the others who had arrived earlier (and were at Tanah lot at the moment). Arrived at Tanah Lot, we didn't have much time to explore, thus Albert only took some pics of the beautiful scenery and us. There's something different about Bali...I guess the people there are more laid back. There's even a joke about Bali. Bali is an acronym for BAnyak LIbur (lots of day off)....lolzzz.....

The view there was breathtaking, not to mention that it's my first time...so I got this 'norak' (norak is Indonesian word for exaggerating new experience) syndrome...my bad :D. But really, it's so beautiful. After Tanah Lot, we went to check in at the hotel. The hotel was also marvelous. It's located in Nusa Dua resort. Once we arrived, we got welcome drink and warm towel to wipe up our faces. We got our room keys and my roommate was Albert. Nice!

My first impression of the room was WOW....Very nice indeed. But didn't have a lot of time to really look around since we only had about 30 minutes to take a bath and gather to have dinner, update and project performances. Me and Albert were already hungry, so it didn't take too long for us to get ready. Went downstairs and met Horasi on the way; three of us walked to Balinese Theater. The hotel complex was great, it had a lagoon in the middle. We arrived at Balinese Theater and there were only few people that had got there. We sat at the table near the stage and began our dinner. Then people started to come. Project performances begun afterward. The performances were great and hilarious, though most of them were long. I noticed that the sky was very clear and there were some stars above. Hanson's song played in my mind...

...And Penny and me like to gaze at starry skies,
Close our eyes, pretend to fly, (Singing OhOh)
Close our eyes pretend to fly,
It's always Penny and me tonight...

I realized that I hadn't seen stars in a long time. Maybe the sky in Jakarta was wayyyyyyy overpopulated, or maybe I just never had the time to sit back and spend some time gazing at the sky. Finally it's a wrap after midnite. We went back to our rooms and slept because the following day there'd be games and a full schedule.


Day 2

Got up, took a bath and tried the Yukata provided by the hotel. Even took some pics while wearing it...lolzzz...took some pics of the view from my room also. Went downstairs, ate breakfast and the games begun. The last quest of the game was to build sand castle. The hotel had a private beach and it was (you might be bored reading this) soooo beautifull. Played in the sea and got some attractive seashells. I could feel that my skin was burned (darn I forgot to bring and put on some sunblock). Well, after that we went back to our rooms, cleaned ourselves and went to have lunch at Bali Mall (or sth like that). It's a chinese food restaurant, and we ate very fast (esp my table :D).

After lunch, we went to Garuda Wisnu Kencana to take group pic. Darn it was sooooo hot!! I could feel my skin was burning. To add the torture, we had to wait for a few minutes to get all the people together for the pic. Didn't spend too much time there, took some pics of the Eagle and Wisnu then went back to the bus.

Uluwatu was our next destination. The temple (Pura in Indonesian) was located on the edge of a cliff. It's said that the sunset there was a very beautiful sight. But we had to beware of the monkeys. They were a lil bit naughty, like to grab hats, glasses, keys, even digicams. Basically things that eye catchy...for them. Two of our SEs became their victims. They both had their glasses taken. Luckily there's this woman who can persuade the monkeys to return the thing they took (in return with some fruits or peanuts). Clever, they were...hahahahaha... maybe they were trained to do so...lolzzz...Too bad the weather was unfriendly. The cloud was coming and rain was falling not long after that. But it got better at the time we're supposed to watch Kecak Dance. The dance was awesome, they didn't use any instrument. The story was about Ramayana and it kinda reminded me of the one I watched in Jogjakarta (Sendratari Ramayana at Prambanan).

Dinner at Jimbaran beach was our last agenda of the day. Too bad it was raining before; the initial plan was to have dinner out on the beach but it had to be changed. The seafood was great! After that we went back to hotel to get some sleep (supposed to). We were given free time if we want to go to Kuta to see the night life.

I thought I was gonna bail on that, but after I took a bath, Alfa came into our room and ask whether I'm interested to go. So I went to Kuta with Alfa. We went by taxi there from the point where the tour bus dropped us off. Went to Kama Sutra and met some other Accenturian there. They already opened a table so me and Alfa joined them. Didn't drink much, just a glass of Black Label, a sip of Jack D and a pitcher of beer (I like beer better now). The band was good, the first song they sang was She Will Be Loved...yeah!!! Had a great time there, we even got down on the floor...lolzz...went back to hotel at around 2.30 AM.


Day 3

Woke up, still drowsy. Went down to eat breakfast (the breakfast was not as good as I'd expected from a 5 star hotel). Went back up, get ready to check out. I extended my stay there. There were six of us, one was Balinese, so we had ourselves native tour guide. We rented a car and went to Bedugul Botanical Garden. We ate pork satay in the morning, pork for lunch and even bought pork sausage in the afternoon...lolzzz. Bedugul was very beautiful....the air was fresh! the view was great, there's this lake with all the fog. Took lots of pics there. Albert and I slept most of the time on our trip there. We stopped by to eat strawberry pancakes. The strawberries were grown there and (I believe) hand picked to be served. They were delicious. After sightseeing, we went back to Denpasar, bought some souvenirs then Pande dropped us off at Kuta. We realized that it was a long way back to our hotel, we kinda miscalculated the distance. Luckily there were Dion and Ronald. They rented scooter so we could ask their help to bring our quite heavy bags (lots of souvenirs...;D).

Day 4

Ate breakfast at our hotel. Much better than Ayodya. Maybe because it's more salty and suited our Indonesian tongues. Albert and I decided to take the complimentary massage. It was raining afterward, so we waited a while for the rain to stop. We walked and looked around the stores at Legian, bought a soccer jersey then got myself a temporary tattoo...just before in time we checked out and went to the airport. Met Ronald, Dion and the others who also extended. Ate at KFC. Checked in and boarded the plane. To my surprise, the flight wasn't delayed and the plane was as good as the one I got on the flight to Bali.


So what I got in Bali are tan (darnnn...now my skin are darker....it's been said that Japanese girls like tan guys....hmmm....I guess it can be used for my advantage...lolzzz...), temporary tattoo, and the most important thing, breathtaking experience that recharge my battery.

Bali...truly an island of Gods....