Singapore Suburban

post #255

*sighhh....my feet are officially killing me. Another long and winding road walking today. The training itself was finished at around 5 PM. Just the right time to get the street all dried up again. It was raining quite heavily at around 3 PM. Played pool with the other training classmates on lunch time and I only lost once...well in my defense, I couldn't really concentrate since Garry was calling me to meet him down at Raffles Marketplace.... hehehehehe

Met Garry in front of J.Co and we grabbed lunch at Burger King (it's my 2nd lunch since I'd already had my lunch earlier). He gave me his house keys and went to work, I went upstairs and continued the training. On the last quiz session, my team won the first place *bragging.com... lolzzz

But after that....the feet torture began. Went back to Carlton hotel to get my baggage. Went to City Hall MRT station, took MRT to Bishan. Tried to look for Garry's house and managed to get myself took the wrong way. I was soaked wet with sweats....my shoulders were tired and my feet were aching (the effect from yesterday's walking plus today's walking which I had to carry much heavier baggage). Finally arrived in one piece there. Rested for a while then went to Bishan Junction to look around coz I saw some discount on Giordano, Samuel n Kevin, and Esprite there...Well it turned out there's nothing interesting there.....so I looked for a place to eat dinner....there's this 24hrs foodcourt near the junction.....ate chicken noodle there....and bought some groceries (fruits, milks and noodles) for tomorrow's breakfast. It's a nice neighborhood, quiet suburban area.....Hmmm.....it would be great to live here....simple life with the one I love...that's all I need....I think... ;p

A foot massage would be very great at this moment.... *imagining....

Afternoon Walk

post #254

The training finished earlier than I had thought. So I took the chance to wander around. The first place I went was Bugis Street area. There’s a traditional market there that reminded me of Permai and Glodok. The small kiosks, crowded with people and mainly they sold clothes. One difference though, there’s a sex shop…something you wouldn’t find explicitly at Glodok.

Bugis Market...or was it Village?

After quick tour there, I went to Bugis Junction, just across the Victoria Street. It’s a small shopping place…kinda reminded me of Sunter Mall…Looking around for a unique souvenir for few persons back home and also a Superman related things store. Unfortunately I couldn’t find the latter, maybe my friend was wrong. I had to stop the hunting for a while because I realized that I was so hungry and hadn’t eaten rice since yesterday. So I decided to eat at the Food Junction. And the only thing with rice that they had (which interested me) was Nasi Padang. I went all the way to Singapore and I ate nasi padang…what an embarrassment…lolzzz…But hey, do Singapore have traditional, unique cuisine? I ate Singapore laksa quite many times back in Jakarta, why couldn’t I eat nasi padang in Singapore? *defensive mode on…lolzz.. But really, look at it. J.Co, Breadtalk, Starbucks, McDonalds, Burger King, (even) Yong Tau Fu could be find easily in Jakarta. Maybe next time I should try the ‘usual’ restaurant instead… :D

Nasi Padang ala Singapore

After that, I went back to hotel to put the laptop in my room, coz it found it quite tiring carrying all the way. The road was a little bit wet; rain must have fallen when I was strolling around Bugis Junction. I doubted a bit coz I saw the cloud was still hanging there. It wouldn’t be funny if rain fell when I was wandering around and I caught gold coz of it. But I decided to ‘hajar bleh’ (Indonesian word for go on) with the master plan, which was finding that signature lion statue of Singapore (hence the name Singapore…Singa is the Indonesian and probably Malay word for Lion).

Relying on the official Singapore map that I took from Changi airport *it proved to be very helpful, I went to the Esplanade, where the Lion statue resided (as Mel told me). Took some picture along the way, at War Memorial Park, Victoria Theatre and Fullerton Hotel.

War Memorial Park

Victoria Theatre

Fullerton Hotel

I walked quite far and I thought I was losing direction (though I asked a guy once at Connaught Drive and he said to go on straight…which led me to Fullerton Hotel). I was about to go to Marina Square instead, but I decided to go to Merlion Park and……. There it was…the Lion statue…I found it unexpectedly…hahhahahahaha…Took lot of some pictures there. It’s around 6.30 PM if I remembered correctly and the sun was setting. It’s such a nice view. The part of the sky where the sun set was clear while some of the other part was cloudy.

Left side

City at the background

Then I went to another famous spot of Singapore, none other than Orchard Road. Took the MRT and it was very crowded. But still comfortable. Then I walked down along Orchard Road to my hotel at Bras Basah Road. Wander around Wisma Atria and Paragon for a while. Near Takashimaya, a pretty girl (SPG) approached me, said hi and asked me a several questions which she claimed as survey. I knew her real motive the minute she asked what I do with my income. I saved her (and myself) from useless conversation, saying that I was on a business trip, for short period of time (coz she quickly asked whether I stay for long or not). And she finally gave up and asked non-relevant questions such as where did I come from, what kind of airlines did I take (a polite talk)….when I said SQ, she said that she worked there once. No wonder she’s pretty…lolzzz. But I ended the conversation and continued walking.

Near Le Meridien hotel, I found this souvenir store and bought few. Hopefully they’d like it. There’s 7 11 not far from there, I was wanting for something cold…so I bought slurpee, cokes and instant noodle (for late nite emergency...). My feet were starting to ache…gosh I’d been walking for almost 5 hours….no wonder my feet were giving up. I walked faster with the determination to arrive at the hotel asap. Arrived there, I quickly filled in the bath tub with warm water. I was gonna listen to music while relaxing at the bath tub when my cellphone had some difficulties in reading the micro SD card….Wtf…it’s the second time it did that. The first one, I lost all the data in the micro SD…this time I didn’t wanna lose any…too many precious memories there, pics…sound and video recording…I tried to plugged the card out and used an adaptor to read the card directly from my laptop….Yeah…it worked….I quickly back up the data in my laptop, just in case….

And now(to be exact, an hour ago)…after relaxing in the bath tub for almost half an hour, I feel freshhh…and hungry….lolzzz…now it’s time for a late nite noodles…so I’m signing out now.



Originally written at 30 May 2008, 12.33 AM

Singapore First

post #252

Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!
Just a quick post. I’m in Singapore. Assigned for a training with last minute notification. The HR informed me on Monday and now I’m sitting at Carlton Hotel and writing this entry. It’s been a thrilling week. So many things happened that made my heart jumping like crazy. But let’s focus on Singapore.

First step I took at Changi airport…Wowwww….so modern…so clean…so neat (compared to the lovely Soekarno-Hatta). Had a lil issue coz my passport couldn’t be scanned so it had to be inputted manually. Then following Mel’s suggestion, I took the MRT to the city hall then walked from there to the hotel.

It’s almost 11 PM when I got into the MRT, but it was still crowded…Reminded me of my trip to Melbourne last year. Well..gotta get some sleep now. I need to find some place to get breakfast tomorrow morning before attend the training.

Singapore….first impression….Nice!



originally written at 28.05.2008, 12.15PM SG time

Perfect Bullshit

post #251

You are so perfect
In my eyes, you're so beautiful
You make me will always adore you

In each of my steps
I will always think of you
I cannot imagine my life without your love

Don't you leave me
I cannot face it all
Only with you I can

You are my blood, You are my heart
You are my life, complete me
Oh my dear, you are so perfect....
Perfect...

You hold my hand
When I'm weak and fall
You whisper words and erase all my regrets


Sounds sweet, huh? Well not really to me. Ok the song itself is quite catchy and easy listening. But reading the lyric carefully, I don't like it that much. Why? Coz I think it's bullshit (all capitals). I never believe that my happiness is dependent on someone's presence, that I cannot live my life without that person. I've managed to survive this so called harsh life for 20 something years before I met a particular person. How come meeting a person make me lose the survival ability that I've been practicing and mastering all my life? How come since I meet that particular person, I cannot live my life without that person? That person become my life? Come on...get real.... This song is perfect...to get into a girl's pants heart. But think about it thoroughly...yeah really...it just doesn't make any sense (for me).

'I cannot face it all, only with you I can'... then what have I been doing all this time before I meet you? hiding, escaping, avoiding from it all? *smirks 'You are my life, complete me'. Ok, I agree on the latter part, but I don't really like the word you are my life. Hmmm....it gives the impression that that person is everything....welll not really actually. I prefer the term sharing our life. It doesn't necessarily mean that our worlds should be merged into one, instead, we share our world and grow together toward the same direction. Maybe without the presence of that particular person, my life is not complete....but life is about choices. I don't necessarily need someone to make me happy. I (may) need someone to make me happier. Beside, living a full life doesn't necessarily by having someone beside me. There are other ways for that.

That's why I prefer below song rather than the above. It's slow and easy listening too.

Finally I found you
When this heart was starting to doubt
Finally I found you
When this body wanted to harbor

I hope you are the answer to all my worries
And let me love you till the end of my age

If I have you someday
Own me with all of my flaws
And if you're beside me
Please don't ever get tired to love me

Burn

post #250

My mom always said nothing would break me or lead me astray
Who would have guessed I'd let my mind drift so far away


Westlife's song accompanied me and mom while she's shopping at Farmers Market this morning. Well she finally got what she's looking after for, two pieces of clothes. Didn't get the sandals though, but we had 4 liters of juice....yummy...

Quite a revelation that I had yesterday. A great way to close quite plain afternoon. Was it a saturation point? Ermm...I think not...dunno...That night I also had another revelation that made me ... *sigh Dunno the right words.... Dunno which one's hurting more... my ego or my heart. Finally get to see his face. But it didn't satisfy me nor my curiosity at all. It only brought this negativity I've been trying to brush off. Darn...sometimes my curiosity got the better of me.

Why? How come....ain't nothing but a heartache.... ain't nothing but a mistake....tell me why....why couldn't I brush it off with a good nite sleep? It usually worked. It's really hard to keep that third person objectivity when you're involved in the matter. The main reason was because you're not that third person anymore, you're part of the system, the issue.

'...It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
we da been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn...'

Why does someone keep staying in a relationship when he/she's hurting? when he/she's not happy being in it?
Answer #1: Maybe because he/she's still trying to work it out...but how long could he/she hold on in the 'torture'? It takes two to tango. A person cannot work a relationship alone, it takes the counterpart's effort as well to make it work.
Answer #2: Maybe because he/she's still care, still have feelings for her/him....again...how long this feelings can last? Feelings can fade away and it can fade lot faster when the other party doesn't express the same feelings.

Feelings...it never easy when it comes to it. Maybe I should learn from a friend who's been sacrificing his emotions for quite some time, willing to hurt a lot for someone he's still really care about. But eventually...this feeling will change to tired...sick of...

I've learned I cannot change a person's basic character. Maybe I expected more than that from her, that she could stand up, make a stand and fight for it. I just don't understand....it's beyond my logic...maybe it's answer #2...*sigh...there are things you might not understand yet, maybe later....maybe never. My heart is burnt and I dunno which one caused it. When will it stop... maybe this just a temporary insanity, being overwhelmed with information.....when the time comes, probably I'd have to do what I'm excellent in..suppress my emotions by turning off the right brain switch that's been switched on lately. Many thoughts raging inside my head, I need to find my serenity, my moment of peace...and there's one place I can think of at the moment.....


Usher - Burn

I don't understand why
See it's burning me to hold onto this
I know this is something I gotta do
But that don't mean I want to
What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you i just,
I feel like this is coming to an end
And its better for me to
Let it go now than hold on and hurt you
I gotta let it burn

[Verse 1]
It's gonna burn for me to say this
But it's comin from my heart
It's been a long time coming
we da been fell apart
Really wanna work this out
But I don't think you're gonna change
I do but you don't
Think it's best we go our separate ways
Tell me why I should stay in this relationship
When I'm hurting baby, I ain't happy baby
Plus there's so many other things I gotta deal with
I think that you should let it burn

[Chorus]
When the feeling ain't the same and your body don't want to
But you know gotta let it go cuz the party ain't jumpin' like it used to
Even though this might bruise you
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn
Deep down you know it's best for yourself but you
Hate the thought of her being with someone else
But you know that it's over
We knew it was through
Let it burn
Let it burn
Gotta let it burn

[Verse 2]
Sendin' pages I ain't supposed to
Got somebody here but I want you
Cause the feelin ain't the same find myself
Callin' her your name
Ladies tell me do you understand?
And all my fellas do you feel my pain?
It's the way I feel
I know I made a mistake
Now it's too late
I know she ain't comin back
What I gotta do now
To get my shorty back
Ooo ooo ooo ooooh
Man I don't know what I'm gonna do
Without my boo
You've been gone for too long
It's been fifty-leven days, um-teen hours
Imma be burnin' till you return (let it burn)

[Chorus]

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me
that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down
and cry (ooooh)
I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me
that I need to move on
On the other side I wanna break down and cry (yeah)

Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooh
Ooh ooh oooh (can ya feel me burnin'?)
Ooh ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

So many days, so many hours
I'm still burnin' till you return

[Chorus]

Addicted To You

post #249

- Alessandro Del Piero was called to Italy National Team by Roberto Donadoni, thanks to his remarkable performance during this season. He became serie-A Capocannoniere this season with 21 goals. He's also the serie-B top scorer last season with 20 goals. His 21 goals in one season equaled his achievement in 1997/1998 season (which I think as his best performance season). It's been 10 years. He's almost 35 now but he's still sharp. Congrats to Del Piero... I will always remember your crushing goal against Germany in 2006 World Cup Semifinal. You are a legend, Pinturicchio. FORZA AZZURRI!!! YEAHHHH!!!!!

- Been watching Gossip Girl again since last week. It's still great and offered some witty lines. The last one that I remembered was: The truth always comes out. It's the fundamental rule of time. And once it comes out, it can set you free or end everything you've been fighting so hard for. There's new girl in town, Georgina to spice up a little bit. Can't wait to see the plot progression. Eli Stone and Friends (season 3-6) still waiting to be watched. But I had been pretty occupied with other things.

- Went to swim again yesterday after.....4 years perhaps. I almost forgot how...lolzzz. It felt so good, not to mention the companion that I had. In short (The detail would be too long), yesterday morning till afternoon was a blast. I really had a great time. Too bad that just like any good times, I felt that it passed too fast. Only made me longing for more....

- In the evening, went to a friend's new house. He's my elementary and jr high school friend. He lived there with his wife and their daughter. They had a cute daughter and cuter (lolzzz) dog... I was mesmerized instantly. It's sooooo cuteeeeeee.....it had white feather...just like snow. Made me want to have a dog....;p. I went there with a couple of old friends. We had fun and chatted about a lot of things, basically just to catch up with everybody. Seeing my friends, his wife, their daughter, and their dog I had this thought...wow he's at my age and he's already having a family...it seemed nice. I know he had his own problems and issues, but seeing their family me wanna have one too...someday..hahahaha...

- And now...I'm supposed to be working, but there's nothing more I can do beside waiting for confirmation and clarification from the functional designer. My body's still sore from the heaps of physical activity yesterday...but it was sooooo good ......

Addiction.....I'm addicted to you... Movies, Music, Soccer, and you...

Baby, to me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny..Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?

Stay Together For The Kids?

post #248

Leung was born in Hong Kong, though his family came from Taishan, Guangdong, China. Leung's early childhood was punctuated with parents' quarrels and arguments about money. A mischievous boy in his early years, Leung's personality changed when his father, a chronic gambler, left the family when he was eight; he and his younger sister were brought up single-handedly by their mother.

Leung became a reticient, quiet child; his childhood experiences made it difficult for him to trust in marriage and paved the way for his acting career, which allow him "to express my emotions without me getting embarrassed. I can cry or smash things on the set, but no one knows that's just acting or that's how I am really feeling." "After my father left me when I was eight, I became afraid to talk to other people. In school, when other children talked about their parents, I would get very embarrassed. I didn't want to mention my father, so I seldom talked to others".

His childhood has had a lasting effect on Leung's personality. "I am very restrained, very suppressed, very quiet. I don't like to talk too much because I don't know what to do in front of an audience. Actually, I don't know how to communicate with others because of my background and I am scared".

Leung's mother worked hard to keep him attending a private school, but even so, Tony had to quit school at the age of 15 due to financial difficulties. As an adolescent he behaved himself and remained very close to his mother. During a DVD interview on the making of Hero, he says that he sees his mother as his definition of a "hero[ine]" for having brought up two children alone.

Above fragment, about Tony Leung's biography is quoted from wikipedia.

Hmmmm.....bad (read: traumatic) experience usually leaves a permanent scar to a person's soul. This scar, realized or not, affect the person's character, behavior and perception towards life or about that certain issue (ie marriage). Example: Chandler. I like him because he's very witty and he's very good in using humor and jokes as self defense mechanism. He's one very funny (and smart) guy.

In Tony's Leung case, he's using acting as a disguise. It (the acting) really gave him the freedom to do things while concealing his true feelings. It's not easy, some were born with the talent, some had to train themselves. Why do we need to hide our true feelings? Maybe because we did not want other people to know our feelings (because it's embarrassing? or it's too personal?) and reacted the way we didn't want them to. It's not easy to do so, it's tiring. Sometimes we might get tired and need to take off the disguise for a while and show our true feelings. It's even nicer if we had someone we can confide in.

Anyway...there's a song from Blink 182, about working things out in a marriage, staying together for the kids. It's good if the parents are trying, but what if the differences are too big to resolve? If they stay under the same roof, but fighting everyday, is it good for their children? Isn't better if they just split, save their children from needless emotional tortures. Their children might have better chance to grow up normally. Staying together is not always the best approach. In some cases, it's better just to split.

If my memory serves me correctly..the beginning of the video clip was this line:
50% of American households are destroyed by divorce

and it was ended with:
50% survive


Blink 182 - Stay Together For The Kids

It's hard to wake up, when the shades have been pulled shut
This house is haunted, it's so pathetic, it makes no sense at all
I'm ripe with things to say, the words rot and fall away
My stupid poem could fix this home, I'd read it every day

So here's your holiday,
hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away.
It was mine, so when you're dead and gone,
will you remember this night? twenty years now lost.
It's not right.

Their anger hurts my ears, been running strong for seven years
Rather than fix the problems, they never solve them, it makes no sense at all
I see them everyday, we get along so why can't they?
If this is what he wants, and it's what she wants, then why is there so much pain?

So here's your holiday,
hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away.
It was mine, so when you're dead and gone,
will you remember this night? twenty years now lost
It's not right.

So here's your holiday,
hope you enjoy it this time, you gave it all away.
It was mine, so when you're dead and gone,
will you remember this night? twenty years now lost.
It's not right
It's not right
It's not right
It's not right

Damaged Euphoria

post #247


'...Ku akui aku merindukanmu
Meski ternyata tak pernah kau merindukanku
Tapi ku tak pernah bisa
Melakukan apa yang seharusnya kuinginkan
Karena memang kau bukan milikku...
Kejujuran hati yang tak mungkin dapat kupungkiri
Keinginanku untuk kau tau isi hatiku...'


Sunday. It's been a week....in wonderland. Is it already time to go back to the real world? To the usual routines....I still linger for this kinda moment...I still wanna feel this euphoria, gosh, I forgot has it been since I felt this way. But my logical side of brain kept reminding me of this Matrix Revolution tag line...'Everything that has a beginning, has and end...' in short, it's the same with Maroon 5 song, Nothing Last Forever.

I finally escaped from work on Friday *phew..... Never underestimate the power of prayer. If it based on sincere intention, it might be granted. I managed to borrow some more time I needed (or wanted?), just to feel that way a little bit more.

And today, after a quite some time, I got up early and attended the first Sunday mass. Well, I found it hard to sleep last nite, some thoughts just didn't stop dancing in the corners of my mind. I woke up several times during five hour of sleep, though I was just playing futsal last nite and really exhausted (plus u injured) from the game. I just couldn't sleep well.

Met Eddy and the rest of the prayer gathering group after the mass. They were selling some snack to raise money for the retreat they're going to have next month (if I wasn't mistaken). It's also been a while since the last time I was actively involved. Back when I still had more free time to be dedicated. *sigh Everything really has it's time and place. We couldn't stop the time, no matter how much we wanted it.

I want to stop the time from passing by
I wanna close my eyes and feel your lips are touching mine
Baby when you're close to me
I want you more each time
And there's nothing I can do, to keep from loving you

I was thinking how the time goes by and the times we spend together's gonna fly.

Here we are, face to face
We forget, time and place
Hold me now, don't let go
Though it hurts and we both know
The time we spend together's gonna fly
And everything you do to me
Is gonna feel so right
Baby when you're loving me
I feel like I could cry
'Cause there's nothing I can do
To keep from loving you

Is it wrong to expect a lil bit response? No it isn't. It's normal, it's natural, it's human. But remember, you already said and made a promise. Don't go making all these promises you know you cannot keep. She'd been perfectly clear when she said that. It's your decision, the choice you took. You have to be ready for the consequences, including this.

Yeah I know that. I just never thought it's gonna be this hard. But again I realized that if I had this kind of thinking then I wouldn't be sincere anymore. I wouldn't be keeping my own words. *deep sigh Now I felt a lil bit torn. Ermmm....nodoby said it's easy. It's natural to expect something in return, in any kind of gesture, that's why it is sooooo hard to give unconditional love remembering the fact we're humans, with this ego and selfishness. We would be thinking, what's in it for me? What do I get? The thing that you need to think about carefully is back to your initial motivation. What was it? And then you can review it as time goes by just to make sure you don't stray along the way.

Ermmm....I guess deep down inside...I'd like her to want me too, just like I want her. Maybe I was trying to prove that I'm not emotionally crippled. That I could really care unconditionally. That I willing to be hurt just to have that simple moments. Maybe I was having this superhero syndrome, assuming she's a damsel in distress that needs saving. Though she might not need to be saved. She's a big, tough girl. My heart just broken that nite. This is me when I try to think it through and analyze from every perspective I can think of. Maybe I just need someone to talk to, to spend some time with...but what I felt is more than that....I think...I've never been so open with another girl. I always manged to let my mind take control and still keep this layer of emotional protection...but now I'm stripped naked from all the protection *sigh

and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.


Patti Smith - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Now, I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

(Chorus)

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No

It's a losing battle between my mind and my heart. And...

My hearts got a mind of it's own
Won't listen to a word I say
Doesn't it know that I get hurt too
When it acts that way
Cos When it breaks I break
I don't know how much more of this I can take
Doesn't it know that I get hurt too
When it acts that way

Hmmmm....So....what you gonna do? You know it might fade away if you get disappointed and don't enjoy it again...
*sigh.....One thing for sure, I'm gonna keep my words. I'm gonna treat her good, treat her right as long as I can bare with the remaining time I have. We'll see in time....All I know that she worth the fight....or was it my heart that manipulated my mind to think that way?......
Maybe......I'm just so damaged. Typical pdf.

'..And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'cause I don't want to lose you...'


TLC - Damaged

I know I'm kinda strange, to you sometimes
Don't always say, what's on my mind
You know that I've been hurt, by some guy
But I don't wanna mess up this time

(BRIDGE)
And I really really really care
And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really there
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you


(CHORUS)
My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

I might look through your stuff, for what I don't wanna find
Or I might just set you up, to see if you're all mine
I'm a little paranoid, from what I've been through
Don't know what you got yourself into

And I really really really care (And I care about you so much)
And I really really really want you (I really do want you)
And I think I'm kinda scared (But I'm scared with every touch)
'cause I don't want to lose you ('cause I don't want to lose you)
If you really really really there (If you care for me like you say)
Then maybe you can hang through (Then maybe you can hang through)
I hope you understand (I hope you understand)
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you, you)

My heart's at a low (low)
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (I think you should know)
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love (I'm falling in love)
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged (I think you should know that)

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage (I'm so much to manage)
I think you should know that (I think you should know that)
I've been damaged (I've been damaged)
I'm falling in love (I love you so)
There's one disadvantage (I love you so)
I think you should know that I've been damaged

And I really really really want you
And I think I'm kinda scared
'cause I don't want to lose you
If you really really really there
Then maybe you can hang through
I hope you understand
It's nothing to you (It's nothing to you)

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that (Ooh I think you should know I've been damaged)
I've been damaged (I've been damaged baby)
I'm falling in love (Falling in love with you baby, yeah)
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

My heart's at a low
I'm so much to manage
I think you should know that
I've been damaged
I'm falling in love
There's one disadvantage
I think you should know that I've been damaged

Plans

post #246

!@$%#%$#^%#@!#$(*&^%
Just when I started to enjoy this little 'holiday', scheming some plans...boom came this surprising news. Apparently I had to ended my holiday lot sooner than I'd expected. Darn!!!

Yeah that's the thing about life. Just when you thought everything went well, as planned, as expected, there's something to spoil it. These last few days felt like a (very beautiful) dream. I felt this kind different of calm, like having something that's been missing in my life. It filled the hole and gave colors to this monochrome life of mine. I think I always keep my guard, play cool, and be in control to keep myself from hurting. But my fortress had been breached. The walls were crumbled, I'm helplessly falling into something. I lost my emotional safety net. I'm losing my mind and I don't think it's clever. It's blurry.

Am I in too deep..? Have I lost my mind?.... Well I don't care, you're here...tonight...

Time....oh please I really need more time for this. It's been so long since the last time I put myself in the line, risking it all, jumping into the water without analyzing the depth, the current, the temperature, was there any shark in the water, had I brought enough oxygen tanks to breath, what would happen if I lose my breath, and so on....

It's like I'm under a spell. Will it fade away as time goes by? What will happen when the spell fade away? I don't want it to fade, not now. How can I keep it, make it last? How can I if there isn't enough time....*sigh...Maybe I'm just worrying too much...maybe I'm just stuck with my own thought of prepare for the worst...I dunno....

Anda's song is playing atm...

Teruntukmu hatiku, ingin ku bersuara
Merangkai semua tanya, imaji yang terlintas
Berjalan pada satu tanya slalu mengangguku
Seseorang….. itukah dirimu, Kasih?

Kepada yang tercinta inginnya kumengeluh
Semua resah di diri, mencari jawab pasti
Akankah seseorang yang kuimpikan kan hadir?
Raut halus menyelimuti jantungku


Reminded me of yesterday. Went to my aunt's house, a cousin was selling chicken noodle there. His mom came by to visit along with his son and helped him out a little since he's new in the business. Spent a couple of hours watching them. It's very contrast with the usual view I had, ie: laptop screen, client's office and employees, colleagues. It seemed so nice to have that simple life. Time....give me more time.....

And I'd give it all away
Just to have somewhere to go to
Give it all away
To have someone to come home to

This I Promise You

post #245

I'd like to quote some lines from my previous blog:
"..I agree that trust must be earned, but sometimes even though we've earned the trust from a person, that person who gives us the trust might choose not to trust us. It's rather complicated. We cannot make someone to trust us, all we can do is to be someone that can be trusted. Whether that person will trust us or not, it's a different matter, it's his/her choice to make. I guess trust can be earned when we're sincere and that the person is comfortable enough to open up. That's when he/she trusts us. That's when we earned the trust. But trust is a very fragile thing. Quoting a friend of mine saying, it's like a glass ball, hard to to obtain, easily broken. It's hard to trust someone coz by doing so, we expose ourselves, taking a chance that the person we trust might hurt us and the ones who're close to us (ie the person we trust) can hurt us more. So are we going to shut ourselves from other to save us from the hurt we might experience if we open up and trust others? Only you can answer it. It's a matter of choices...."

I know talk is cheap, actions aren't too convincing. Just like love, time will tell and reveal. I think I've already done everything I could think of to make you believe, but again the choice is up to you. Believe or not to believe, that is the question.

I really...

Want you to know I'm a man;
Say the word that I say it again;
Want you to know I'm a man you can depend upon,
Thats all I am.

Want it to show I'm a man;
Say the words that I tell you again;
Want it to show I'm a man you can rely upon,
Thats all I am.

I gave you my word, this I promise you...


N'Sync - This I Promise You

When the visions around you
Bring tears to your eyes
And all that surrounds you
Are secrets and lies

I'll be your strength
I'll give you hope
Keeping your faith when its gone
The one you should call
was standing here all along

And I will take you in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
'Til the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

I've loved you forever
In lifetimes before
And I promise you never
Will you hurt anymore
I give you my word
I give you my heart
This is a battle we won
And with this vow
forever has now begun

Just close your eyes
Each loving day
And know this feeling wont go away
Till the day my life is through
This I promise you
This I promise you

Over and Over I fall
When I hear you call
Without you in my life, baby
I just wouldn't be living at all

And I will take you in my arms
And hold you right where you belong
Til the day my life is through
This I promise you

Just close your eyes
Each loving day
And know this feeling won't go away

Every word I say is true
This I promise you
Everyword I say is true
This I promise you
Ooh, I promise you

The Last Time of a First Time

post #244

WHOAAAAAAAAA..........This week was a (very) wonderful one. After Go Live, there weren't too many issues, except for the overdue documentations. Yesterday was the last day at project for some of our team members. We finished work early and went to Inul Vizta Plangi to karaoke for two hours. I had to revise my rating for Inul Vizta. The song collection was improved. There were One Republic's Apologize and Stop n Stare, Enrique's Do You Know....Ermmm..these last two songs weren't available yet at Happy Puppy. It's also a kinda farewell for one of my colleague. She's moving to SG next week.

Today was even better. After....... (I forgot how long had it been...lolz), I finally went out on a date (with a girl, beautiful one to be precise). It's sure a fresh change instead of hangin out with my homies on weekend. Beside lately we'd been quite busy with our own things (work n stuffs), so we laid low for a while.

Ermmm...I asked her out with the lamest excuse, and that was to accompany me, helping me in buying some pants. *In my defense, I was still an old school....lolzzz... But it turned out to be the greatest time I had since.......she really had a good taste (and similar with me) in fashion. She helped me browse through SOGO and pick some nice and kick ass pants. Two for work, one was jeans. It's nice to shop, esp when you don't have to spend a dime (I used the voucher my company gave me as a reward for my lat year performance)...:D.

Then we had late lunch at Overrice. Too bad there was very loud performance from this some kinda online game exhibition at MKG3 atrium so we decided to go somewhere else quieter to have a nice chat. So we went to Cinnzeo cafe. Had quite long chat there, but then we moved (again) to Dante due to excessive cigarettes smoke. Continued our conversation there then we went to Happy Puppy.

And that was a wrap of an official(?) first date. A quite successful one if I may say, unless she read this blog and though otherwise. I hope she had a great time as much as I had and that this was just a beginning of many to come :D I need to work on this, I'm a bit rusty in this department...lolzzz

I dedicate this entry especially for the attractive, beautiful and smart girl who's crazy enough to go out with me (*quoting Chandler a bit :p)....

'Darling you know...you make me feel, so beautiful' Darren Hayes' So Beautiful

For Your Babies

post #243

Can't resist not to post a blog when I saw Suri Cruise's pics on the web. Well, actually since yesterday when a happy father who's celebrating his birthday today shared the latest pic of his (very) cute baby girl (whose has very beautiful eyes, inherited from her mother, which is one of my close friend). I was like....wowwwwwwww.....so cutee larrrrr.....

This is a pic of Clarissa Aurelia S., the baby girl I'm talking about, which was taken about two months ago. Just look at that expression.


And here are the pics he sent me yesterday...Clarissa's face really resembles her mom. *Ehemmm...the father nudged me and said that her hair is like him.

Again reminded me how time flew so fast. It seemed not so long ago that I went to Perth and very well treated by their hospitality, the days we spent back in high school....

So cuteeeeeee....... *kyaaaaaa.......



Anyway....today happens to be the Dad's birthday and Clarissa's three months celebration. Happy birthday to the dad and happy quarter of a year to 'lil Clarissa. Wish you two heaps of happiness (plus the mom of course :D)

And here are the pics of Suri:

Suri in action


Suri with mommy Katie

Suri with happy parents

I really like Suri in the 3rd pic...She's soooooo adorable


Looking at the pictures above, these two babies are simply adorable. But...have you ever thought about 'behind the scene' with these babies? When they couldn't sleep at nite, crying out loud (which make their parents stay awake)...When their diapers needed to be changed (Clarissa once peed on her mom when I was visiting them)....When they're crying but the parents didn't know what's wrong and what to do to calm them....

Parenthood...a lifetime, 24/7 work. In software development jargon, the development of a baby only takes let say less than an hour, but the continuous maintenance takes lifetime period. Parenthood, putting aside our own ego for the welfare of our kids, sacrificing everything we have, doing everything in our power, just to make sure their wellbeing.

That's why I really like this Simply Red's song, For Your Babies. Soothing song...how a baby's smile can brighten up his/her parents day....it's like all the weariness were washed away by that simple, genuine, and loving smile...

Beside, what wouldn't you do for your babies, right?


Simply Red - For Your Babies

You've got that look again
The one I hoped I had when I was a lad
Your face is just beaming
Your smile got me boasting, my pulse roller-coastering
Any way the four winds that blow
They're gonna send me sailing home to you
Or I'll fly with the force of a rainbow
The dream of gold will be waiting in your eyes

You know I'd do most anything you want
Hey I, I try to give you everything you need
I can see that it gets to you
I don't believe in many things
But in you I do

Her faith is amazing
The pain that she goes through contained in
The hope for you
Your whole world has changed
The years spent before seem more cloudy
Than blue
In many ways your baby's controlling
When you haven't laid down for days
For the poor no time to be thinking
They're too busy finding ways

You know I'd do most anything you want
Hey I, I try to give you everything you need
I’ll see that it gets to you
I don't believe in many things
But in you I do

You know I'd do most anything you want
Every day I, try to give you everything you
Need
We'll always be there for you
I don't believe in many things
But in you I do

Go Live!

post #242

After (very) exhausting Cutover period, I finally manage some time to escape from my work and write this blog. Ok, a short recap of last week. I went to work on Thursday (yeah I know it's holiday....Ascencion Day to be exact) and Friday...I went home at 12.30 AM on both days. Yup I didn't mistype, 12.30 AM. But at least I can have the Saturday and Sunday off. *phew

So I spent the Saturday and Sunday hibernating, restoring my energy. Of course I wouldn't miss the bi-weekly Futsal game...but I was not still tired from work so I felt very exhausted (though fully satisfied) after the game.

Sunday was good...sleeping..eating...and watching DVDs. Been watching Friends again from season 1. Yeah that's correct, Friends from season 1. It's been 14 years...but it never gets old. It's surely one of the best serial Hollywood has to offer.

Talking about Friends, I remember I once took a quiz at Facebook about which Friends character are you, and I got this result (apparently I was Chandler Bing)

Chandler Bing :
You are extremely witty and sarcastic. You have the ability to liven any situation by cracking jokes. You have more direction then most of your friends when it comes to your career. You might hate the phrase, "Oh My God..."

Hmmmm....reminded me also about a line Chandler said about he's using humor as defense mechanism...but it sure an excellent mechanism. And there was one episode where Mr. Heckles died and Chandler somehow saw himself as Mr. Heckles in 30 years, alone and miserable. How he usually push away all the women who were crazy enough to go out with him, only because minor/simple reason like she's too tall, she's too skinny, she's too chubby, she has big had, she has this unbearable laugh, etc...ermmmm...sounds familiar??? Like me perhaps? lolzz....

Last nite I just watched the one where it's revealed that Ross actually already had a plan with Rachel, including where they'd live (Scardale), why they'd live there (far enough from parents so they don't have to visit the parent everyday but near enough to ask their parents to come over and babysit, good education system though higher tax rate), how many kids they'd have (two, the first one is a girl preferable so Ben wouldn't feel competed), even the name of their kids and how this freaked Rachel out since she liked to not knowing...at least for that time...ermmm... afaik (cmiiw), girls are usually the ones who have this scheme and plan about their relationship, but in this matter Ross' actually the one who had it. And he said that he did that because he loved her. I think it's a good thing. Not only he had a vision, but he had a plan, well and carefully thought too.

Ok back to the real world. Since Go Live, I could go home early at around 6-7 PM. It's a nice change to go home at that time though the traffic is (still) awful. Lately I've been listening to Tyra B - Givin Me a Rush. Heard this song accidentally while browsing through Youtube, but still haven't got the MP3 yet. I instantly like the song. The beat, the voice...it's easy listening and appealing. Maybe because it reminded me of Darren's song, Crush (1980 Me), but this was RnB version.

I better get back to work again now :D

You givin me the rush.....


Tyra - Givin Me A Rush

You're Giving Me A Rush, Rush
Everytime That You Come Around
And When We Touch, Touch
I Can't Get Enough

You're Giving Me A Rush, Rush
Everytime That You Come Around
And When We Touch, Touch
I Can't Get Enough

Tell Me All Your Secrets
I Wont Tell A Soul
I'll Keep It On The Low

Just Tell Me What You Do
That Makes Me Wanna Lose Control
We Got A Special Thing
Cant Let No Body Come Between

I Know You Feeling
Hope Youre Feeling The Same Way I Feel

They'll Never Understand The Way I Feel
Wonder Why We're So Affectionate
Why, Why
Just Tell Them That It's Human Nature

You're Giving Me A Rush, Rush
Everytime That You Come Around
And When We Touch, Touch
I Can't Get Enough

You're Giving Me A Rush, Rush
Everytime That You Come Around
And When We Touch, Touch
I Can't Get Enough

It Don't Matter Who's Around
Or Where We Are
Baby It Feels Like We're Alone
You Take Me Places No One's Ever Taken Me Befpre

You Aint Gotta Say It (You Aint Gotta Say It)
Cause I Know What You're Gonna Say
Baby Can You Send It
Just Rush (Rush) Your Love Right Away

They'll Never Understand The Way I Feel
Wonder Why We're So Affectionate
Why, Why
Just Tell Them That It's Human Nature

You're Giving Me A Rush, Rush
Everytime That You Come Around
And When We Touch, Touch
I Can't Get Enough

You're Giving Me A Rush, Rush
Everytime That You Come Around
And When We Touch, Touch
I Can't Get Enough

Take Me
Away From Here So Far Away
Baby
Something About The Way When You
Touch Me
You Make Me Feel So Free

Oohhh You Give Me A Rush, Rush
Everytime That You Come Around
And When We Touch Touch
I Can't Get Enough

You're Giving Me A Rush (Rush)
Everytime That You Come Around
And When We Touch Touch
I Can't Get Enough

You're Giving Me
You're Giving Me