Eulogy

post #357


Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.


I quoted the above supposedly eulogy from Serendipity movie. It was one of my favorite movies. The first time I saw (and instantly fell in love with) Kate Beckinsale. Reading the above sentences, I can squeeze the essence to these points:
- It's not a matter of how much time you spend with someone, but the quality of the times you spend with him/her
- Life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences, there's gotta be something to it
- Destiny

Well, while people around the world still mourning for Michael Jackson, who passed away few days ago, I think it'd be appropriate to write about this now. That's a thing about life. It's mysterious and no one can be certain how his/her life would end. We might had pictured how we'd die, but in the end, the angel of death might come and pick us at the very unexpected time and situation. And that is destiny. How we die...When we die...What cause our death...Where we die...Why we die....Who's gonna be with us when we die....

How can we foresee it? Hmmmm....looking at the signs? Disease perhaps? Bad health condition? High risk occupation? Unhealthy lifestyle? But again sometimes....there's just no sign at all...quoting a bible verse, death came like a thief in the night...undetected. Or in Jonathan Tragger's words..."What if the absence of signs is a sign?"

Just like we fear darkness, we fear death. Like Dumbledore said, "It is only the unknowing we fear in the face of the darkness and death." This went along with Xenophobia. If we ask ourselves...what do we fear from death? The uncertainty of what's next...That's when religion kicked in. It offered consolation to us. It offered answers (though not in explicitly proven way..I mean who have died and come back to tell us his/her experience after this life?) to the very basic questions we have, such as, we are we here? why do we live? where do we go after this? Well I won't talk much about this, everyone has their own perception about religion...it's just my two cents.

Reminded me of Stephen R. Covey book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. In one of the habits, he mentioned about begin with end in mind. He gave illustration about funeral. Imagine we attend our own funeral. How many people would attend it? I guess the number of people who attend my funeral reflect how many lives I touch (in a good way) during my life. What kind of person I would be remembered by people? There were some eulogies that came into my mind. For the sake of examples, let consider that my name is Jonathan Trager.


Jonathan Trager, died last night from cardiac arrest in his residence at suburban area. He's known as a hard working family man, a loving, faithful husband, and a proud father of two. I believe I can say that he has touched our lives, the people who gather here to pay our last respect, in so many ways that words are not enough to describe. There are many people who consider him as good friend, a wise, witty man whom you can always depend on to share some thoughts and ideas, debate them sometimes. Looking all of you here makes me sad and proud at the same time. Proud because I can see how Jonathan had mean something to you. Sad because he, the person that gathers us all here is just lying there, smiling calmly.... He has had heart problem since few years back, but it hasn't stop him from living his life fully. He still seems vibrant and no one can ever suspect otherwise. I'm sure his passing will be a great loss especially for his family, but I believe he'll never be forgotten, not by us. He will forever live in our hearts as fond memories and his legacy which he pass on through the encounters we have with him will also live with us, enrich our lives.
(This eulogy is presented by my best friend)


Jonathan Trager is my hero. He taught me everything I know, the important lessons in life that make me the man I am today, standing in front of all of you. He's a very devoted person to his family, he loved my mom, his wife, endlessly and vigorously. I believe I can say that he's done an incomparably excellent job raising us, his son and daughter, and I really hope that he's proud with what kind of person we become. It's greatly affected by his guidance all of our lives. I still remember the holidays we had when I was a child, the father and son talks during my teenage, and precious advices he gave me. I'm honored that you come to give him the last respect that he truly deserve. It shows that you care about him, and I, on behalf of my family would like to thank you for that. I believe though it's sad, he's in a better place now, watching us,..smiling proudly upon his son and daughter.
(This eulogy is presented by my son)


Jonathan Trager....is a very compassionate man. At times, I wonder why he chose not to have a family. Perhaps in his lifetime, he hasn't found that soulmate he's been searching for. I've known him since kindergarten and I can say that he's a man of principles. He's very determined and commited person. Though he lived a solitary life, if I may say so, he lived it happily. Maybe even happier than some of the married couples I know. This also proves that happiness comes in many forms. Sometimes we, his friends teased him about him being unmarried, but the truth is we all loved him very much. He's dependable and always there when you need to talk, willing to lend his shoulder to lean on, to cry on....He's a true friend..a rare one. I'm sure you all agree with me on this one. He will be missed and remembered deeply in our hearts.
(This eulogy is presented by my friend)


Hmmmm.....which of the three that would be eulogy for me? Or would be another version? One thing that's sure....if I want to be remembered like that, my actions should reflect that kind of characteristic from now.

What about you? What do you think your eulogy would be?

In memory of Michael Jackson....here's a link to Lisa Marie Presley's blog --> He Knew.
Rest in peace, King of Pop....may you find your eternal peace and happiness.


Michael Jackson - Ben

Ben, the two of us need look no more
We both found what we were looking for
With a friend to call my own
I'll never be alone
And you my friend will see
You've got a friend in me
(You've got a friend in me)

Ben, you're always running here and there
(Here and there)
You feel you're not wanted anywhere
(Anywhere)
If you ever look behind
And don't like what you find
There's something you should know
You've got a place to go
(You've got a place to go)

I used to say, "I" and "me"
Now it's "us", now it's "we"
(I used to say, "I" and "me")
(Now it's "us", now it's "we")

Ben, most people would turn you away(turn you away)
I don't listen to a word they say
They don't see you as I do
I wish they would try to
I'm sure they'd think again
If they had a friend like Ben
(A friend)
Like Ben
(Like Ben)
Like Ben

Ode To My Family

post #356

That angry little boy had grown up. He became a cold, skeptical man. He successfully built a thick wall around him, almost impenetrable one that kept him in his cold comfort. He learned the lessons in life all by himself without any guidance from the supposedly figure. He watched enviously as other boys grown up with that luxury he could never had. Sometimes he wished that things had been different...But if it had been...he wondered if he'd be the man he was...perhaps better? bitter? or worse?

As he walked on the street of his life, he sang this song....


The Cranberries - Ode To My Family

Understand the things I say,
Don't turn away from me
'Cause I spent half my life out there
You wouldn't disagree
D'you see me, d'you see
Do you like me, do you like me standing there
D'you notice, d'you know
Do you see me, do you see me
Does anyone care

Unhappiness, where's when I was young
And we didn't give a damn
'Cause we were raised
To see life as fun and take it if we can
My mother, my mother she hold me,
Did she hold me when I was out there
My father, my father, he liked me
Oh he liked me, does anyone care

Understand what I've become,
It wasn't my design
And people everywhere think
Something better than I am,
But I miss you. I miss
'Cause I liked it, I liked it
When I was out there
D'you know this, d'you know
You did not find me, you did not find
Does anyone care

Unhappiness, was when I was young
And we didn't give a damn
'Cause we were raised
To see life as fun and take it if we can
My mother, my mother she hold me,
Did she hold me when I was out there
My father, my father, he liked me
Oh he liked me, does anyone care , does anyone care?

How long has it been?

post #355


I won't go...I won't sleep
I can't breathe...Until you're resting here with me...

Dido's voice singing Here With Me accompanied me while I was writing this entry. Life's been good. I took two days off on Thursday and Friday. It felt good just to be lazy....slumbering....eating....browsing...watching movies...Got my hair cut on Thursday, it's kind strange haircut...anyway...then watched Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen...

Optimus really kicked butt here. The fighting scene in the forest was very cool. In terms of plot...so so....as usual there were some illogical storyline fragment, but hey, I watched the movie to be entertain by giant robots kicking each other asses...and the movie had fulfilled my expectation. There were new Autobots introduced (and also new Decepticons). There were some funny scenes (ie, Bumblebee cried when Sam left for college), sad, touching, heroic scenes (and by heroic I meant was American soldiers type of heroism...understandable since it's after all a Hollywood movie). What lack was the signature scene that Transformers 1 (if I may say so) managed to create. Who (this goes out to every male in the world) does not remember the scene where Megan Fox bent over and checked what's under Bumblebee's hood?

That scene really represented Megan's hotness.....*is it me, or is it getting hotter here??? ;p Michael Bay tried to mimicked that scene in Transformers 2. This time, Megan was bent even more on a motorcycle while paint brushing it. But unfortunately it did not succeed, I think. It looked so so...perhaps because the camera was too focused on Megan's ass, thus the audience couldn't see the expression on her face, while in the 'hood scene', there was this perfect blend of the amount skin that was showed, plus the expression on Megan's face. Beside that, the robots were incredible. I love them. I reminisced the days when I watched the cartoon film...and now, thanks to technology advancement, they came in the big screen with such vividness.

Then on Friday I went to Binus to take care some things. I was wowed when I entered Anggrek campus. It changed....a lot. For starter, there's this new building. I used to play soccer on that open space in the afternoon....then there was a parking building as well on the back of the old Anggrek building...I said to myself...woww....parking had always been an issue back then. Now I supposed it's not anymore. Then....there's no more cafetaria...instead, there's A&W....Wow wow wow.....How long has it been? A lot had changed in just 4 years time. Still....there were some things that surprised me, like the student service center location, which had been relocated. The merge between Binus card and Flazz card, the usage of Binus Card for attendance. It's like......*speechless.

I wandered around for a bit. Seven years ago...it was me who had been one of the student there...all those times....zoo class, and other memories swimming in my mind. I got this sentimental feelings. Then I went back home....relaxing and slumbering again.....

Yesterday I went to watch Transformers...again :D This time with some friends. We met at Dante and talked while waiting for the show to begin. My friend who got married last week came with her husband.....my homie also brought his gf and we were like this one big, extended family. I thought to myself....perhaps if all of us already have family...it'd be similar like that...we introduce our gf/bf to our close friends, happy to see them get along well....The question is, how long till it happens? Well....we'll see about that

On my way back, I drove a friend back to her house and she asked me a question that had been asked so many times by other friends. Why? It's surely not difficult for me to get one....Hmmm....perhaps just haven't met that person yet...the one that made me shiver inside, the one that can make my heart jump and beat a bit faster when I'm around her, the one like her who used to make me feel that way.....It takes two to tango and it's sad if the vibe, spark, chemistry whatever you call it, is unreciprocated....Maybe because I want it that way.....there are some other issues that need to be considered thoroughly.

One question that sometimes pop up in my mind... Am I standing still? If yes....comes the 5W + 1H.... What? Who? When? Why? Where? How?

I think sometimes in our lives, we need to ask ourselves that question....


Continuing my previous blog entry....
Yes I still remember...all those times, all those memories...


Spice Girls - Viva Forever

Do you still remember, how we used to be
Feeling together, believe in whatever
My love has said to me,
both of us were dreamers, young love in the sun
Felt like my Saviour, my spirit I gave you
We'd only just begun

Hasta mañana, always be mine

Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting like the sun
Live Forever for the moment
Ever searching for the one

Yes I still remember, every whispered word
The touch of your skin
Giving life from within like a love song that I'd heard

Slipping through our fingers, like the sands of time
Promises made
Every memory saved has reflections in my mind

Hasta mañana, always be mine (be mine)

Viva forever, I'll be waiting
Everlasting like the sun
Live Forever for the moment
Ever searching for the one


Back where I belong now, was it just a dream
Feelings unfold
They will never be sold and your secret's safe with me

Hasta mañana, always be mine (be mine)

Viva forever (viva forever), I'll be waiting (I'll be waiting)
Everlasting (everlasting) like the sun (like the sun)
Live Forever (live forever) for the moment (for the moment)
Ever searching (ever searching) for the one (for the one)

Viva forever (viva forever), I'll be waiting
Everlasting like the sun
Live Forever (live forever) for the moment
Ever searching for the one

Viva forever (viva forever), I'll be waiting
Everlasting like the sun
Live Forever (live forever) for the moment
Ever searching for the one (for the one)

Viva forever, I'll be waiting (I'll be waiting)
Everlasting like the sun
Live Forever (live forever) for the moment
Ever searching for the one (for the one)

Do You Remember?

post #354

Tell me now...
I do remember, but now it's over....




Phill Collins - Do You Remember

We never talked about it
But I hear the blame was mine
I'd call you up to say I'm sorry
But I wouldn't want to waste your time

'Cos I love you, but I can't take any more
There's a look I can't describe in your eyes
If we could try, like we tried before
Would you keep on telling me those lies

Do you remember...?

There seemed no way to make up
'Cos it seemed your mind was set
And the way you looked it told me
It's a look I know I'll never forget

You could've come over to my side
You could've let me know
You could've tried to see the distance between us
But it seemed too far for you to go.

Do you remember...?

Through all of my life
In spite of all the pain
You know people are funny sometimes
'cos they just can't wait
To get hurt again

Do you remember...?

There are things we won't recall
Feelings we'll never find
It's taken so long to see it
Cos we never seemed to have the time

There was always something more important to do
More important to say
But "I love you" wasn't one of those things
And now it's too late

Do you remember...?
(Do you remember? Now it's over
Do you remember? oooo I'm sober)

Dormant

post #353

Yup...That's what have been happening to me lately. The busy schedule which gave me only limited time to explore the thoughts that were swimming in my mind plus laziness kept me away from writing a new entry. Well...I guess it's also because I didn't have that something that motivated me, that pushed me to write. Now, I have the urge to write. The urge so powerful that I felt a bit overwhelmed in deciding where should I begin this entry.

First of all, I'd like to thank you..so much...it's been a long time...I thought you might have forgotten me, I thought you might have moved on...as an opening, allow me to present Darren Hayes

Darren Hayes - The Lover After Me



Next....a good friend of mine had officially became a father on the last week of May. Congrats for him. He had started a new phase in his life. He became a husband two years ago, and this year...a son was born to make his life even fuller. It's unfortunate that I hadn't got the time to see my 'nephew'.

The rest of the missing period here was quite dull and like I said earlier, didn't succeed to move me to write. What I'd like to write was about the last weekend. After so long, I finally watched Kristin Laura Kreuk in action again. It's been a while since the last time I saw her and my infatuation had faded away over the time. Eight years almost passed since the first time I saw her in Smallville but she's still lovely and her nose still wrinkled each time she laughed...and yes I still saw her as Lana, instead of Huang Chun-Li.

The day before I also watched Star Trek @eX. Lately eX had been my destination to watch movie. It's the most comfortable theather I ever been to in Jakarta. Star Trek on the other hand was very good. JJ Abrams was remarkable in directing it. Good story, excellent visual effects, and as usual touching moral messages with a twist of humor. It's kinda funny (at least for me) to see Sylar (played by Zachary Quinto) in Heroes...the number one bad guy, became Spock, the most logical, intelligent, non emotional person in Star Trek. Seeing Spock in Star Trek made me think about what a friend of mine used to say, that I was too logical and emotionless....perhaps... I had Vulcan blood? :D

The truth is, everybody has emotions, everybody feels...I guess that's the thing with human duality. We are individual, yet social being....We're logical, yet emotional creature....We're evolving way more than any other species in the world, yet at times we're acting like the most primitive one.

In a higher, more sophisticated thought, I'd like to offer this analogy to capture a glimpse of Trinity. One God, three personalities....how come? Is it even possible? Well...looking at our own paradox, it's not so impossible, right? Beside I believe there are things that are much greater that human, that we cannot cope or try to understand with our limited space of brain.

Ok enough with the heavy one. It's open up for a debate if you like. Yesterday, a friend of mine also got married. I've known her since Elementary school. That's quite some time to know a person. Most of my friends from Jr. High was invited and we had like this little reunion on her wedding reception. Eleven years had passed since we graduated from the same Jr High we attended. Most of us (all) didn't change a lot. Even some friends met another friend whom they hadn't met in years. The highlight of the reception was good MC and her. She looked lovely, as always. I think I never seen her looked unlovely.

Before I went to the reception, I also met a friend whom I hadn't met in... I forgot how many months. It had been over 6 months for sure. It's nice to see her again and we had so much to talk about. So many things to catch up with each other. It's good to know that she's doing fine and her family was well. Too bad we only had limited time since I had to go to the wedding reception.

I met some friends I haven't met in a while on the wedding reception. I had to thank Facebook for reuniting us again. It's amazing how we could find each other through Facebook. It really become a trend here. On the wedding one my my homies half sad, half desperate, jokingly asked....When is our turn? *lolzz....Well....the two others have found a girl and now it's just the two of us, Aquarian guys who still in the market, looking for someone to be the lucky bride :D

After the reception we hung out for a while @La Piazza. A friend mentioned that she wanted to convert to Catholic, an intention which I strongly suggest for her to thoroughly consider before making any decision. Converting is not as simple as changing clothes. When the model is out, or all of your friends have changed their clothing style...would you change yours? It's not about being the same with the flock, but standing up for what you believe in. What you have faith in. Blessings do not automatically fall down from the sky and shower you when you convert.....it might be the other way around. To ensure your motive, to test you. Do not convert for the sake of comfort, or trend, or going with the flow. Be sure that it comes from the depth of your heart.

Here's a song from Savage Garden, I remember the first I ever heard their song was back in 1998, I borrowed the cassette from my friend.


Savage Garden - The Lover After Me

Here I go again, I promised myself
I wouldn't think of you today
It's been seven months and counting
You've moved on
I still feel exactly the same
It's just the that everywhere I go
All the buildings know your name like
Photographs and memories of love
Steel and granite reminders
The city calls your name and I can't move on

Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me

Am I all alone in the universe?
There's no love on these streets
I have given mine away to a world
That didn't want it anyway
So this is my new freedom
It's funny, but I don't remember being chained
But nothing seems to make sense anymore
Without you I'm always twenty minutes late

Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me

And time goes by so slowly
The nights are cold and lonely
I shouldn't be holding on
But I'm still holding on for you

Here I go again, I promised myself
I wouldn't think of you today
But I'm standing at your doorway
I'm calling out your name 'cause I can't move on

Ever since you've been gone
The lights go out the same
The only difference is
You call another name
To your love
To your lover now
To your love
The lover after me