Personified Loneliness

post #166

Wanna write this entry since last week but I just couldn't find the time to do so. Last week prayer gath topic was about a very powerful feelings that human has but rarely being paid attention to. It's lonely....loneliness. Human has this need to be loved. When we don't get this...we feel lonely. Like there's no one who understands us. It feels hollow inside. There's this kind of void that eating us from the inside. Then what do we usually do to erase this lonely feeling? We bury ourselves in work, or any other activities, such as going to nite club, taking drugs (ok maybe this is a little too extreme..), hoping that the feeling, the loneliness would go away and we would be happy. But all these things actually only make us forget (temporarily) about the loneliness that we feel. When all the rush is over, we back to the state of being lonely. Even when we trying to get rid this loneliness, we still feel it sticking at the bottom of our heart...We still feel lonely though we're sorrounded by so many people.

Then the question is...how to really eliminate this feeling? Well, since we're talking in religious context, the answer is by filling ourselves with God's love. Breathe in as much as we can...then share it with people around us. Sometimes we're just too busy with our activities....maybe even in our life we're too busy to share some love that we forget to recharge ourselves. Just like Air Supply's song, We're all out of love...So it's essential that we also take some times to kick back and enjoy quality times for ourselves, charging our love battery by connecting our heart n soul to God. That's the main idea that I concluded.

In general term, this loneliness can be eliminated if we find something...that makes our life complete. Each and everyone us have differents things that would make us feel whole. Reminds me of my previous entry : Flying Without Wings

What if we become so used to the loneliness itself to the point we don't feel it anymore....that we consider it our best friend? what if we become numb...?

Backstreet Boys - Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in a crimson love
So hard to breathe
Walk with me, and maybe
Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I could feel the sun
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Chorus:
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say forever gaze, if only
Guilty roads to an endless love (endless love)
There's no control
Are you with me now
Your every wish will be done
They tell me

Chorus:
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with (tell me why)
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Bridge:
There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul
How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never show

You are missing in my heart
Tell me why I can't be there where you are

Chorus:
Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with (tell me why)
Tell me why I can't be there where you are (where you are)
There's something missing in my heart (you are missing in my heart)

Show me the meaning of being lonely (being lonely)
Is this the feeling I need to walk with (tell me why)
Tell me why I (can't be there) can't be there where you are
(where you are)There's something missing in my heart

A Letter For Ed

post #165

Happy Birthday Ed!
Wow....time really flies....how long have we known each other?? More than 15 years I suppose....We attended the same kindergarten, elementary school, jr high, high school and even the same university. Thank God we don't...ermm...haven't dated the same girl...lollllzzz.....

It's been an extraordinary journey we've have together. How we grow from just naive (or plain stupid? lolzzz) lil' boys till the men we are now. Yes we've shared our quarrels, but they didn't stop us from being friends, right?

Here we are now, in the midst of our lives...Still long way ahead of us, but I'm sure we'll make it through just fine..... if it's not great ;)).

Simple wishes on your birthday.....Have a fantastic year ahead....may you enjoyingly experience all the things life has to offer.....

They say that friend is our mirror who reflect who we are....Then it's my pleasure to have a reflection like you....


God Bless


I dedicate this song for you and all the Strada Gank...


James Taylor - You’ve Got A Friend

When youre down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, whoa nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights.

You just call out my name,
And you know whereever I am
Ill come running, oh yeah baby
To see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall,
All you have to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Youve got a friend.

If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind should begin to blow
Keep your head together and call my name out loud
And soon I will be knocking upon your door.
You just call out my name and you know where ever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer or fall
All you got to do is call
And Ill be there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, aint it good to know that youve got a friend?
People can be so cold.
Theyll hurt you and desert you.
Well theyll take your soul if you let them.
Oh yeah, but dont you let them.

You just call out my name and you know wherever I am
Ill come running to see you again.
Oh babe, dont you know that,
Winter spring summer or fall,
Hey now, all youve got to do is call.
Lord, Ill be there, yes I will.
Youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Aint it good to know youve got a friend.
Youve got a friend.

Easter 2007

post # 164

Attended the 2nd Easter mass yesterday... I arrived too early at 8 PM coz I thought the mass started at 9 PM. But I was wrong. It was started at 10 PM. So I waited for the 1st mass to finish (it finished at 9.15 PM). The sermon was quite interesting. The pastor asked us, what is the prove that Jesus has really risen and that by doing so, brings salvation? The answer is simple. Through our (His disciples) lives. If we live accordingly, everyone around us can see the salvation that Jesus brought and offered through our daily lives, people can see that Jesus really lives through us.

Happy Easter, God Bless!

Moment of Peace

post #163

Finally, long weekend has arrived. This week has been very hectic and tiring. Got two new units to be developed on Monday morning, but at that time I was making Technical Design for a program that I just finished. So I had to postpone those units.....till today. Lots of work need to be done, little time to do them. But I may say that today was the Last Suffer(ing)....well..at least for this week. Time to recharge my emotional battery. It's a good thing that I have fully recharged my e-battery last Sunday with David, Agus, Bowo n Maria. It's been a while since we went karaoke together. As usual, David and me were the first who arrived at Happy Puppy. We sang few songs n then Agus came. Not so long after that Bowo came woth Maria. Just like so many times before, we sang for three hours. But we only ordered two pitchers of beer, since only David n me who drank it. After that we went to the mall, planning to watch a movie. But unfortunately David forgot to bring his side card, so we ended up eating at a new restaurant, Overrice if I'm not mistaken. But we're still hungry so we ate again at another restaurant.

How many years have it been since we knew each other? We've grown up. We talked about different things now, things we had never imagined we'd be talking about when we're still teenagers. David was still single. We talked about this one and it seemed we have similar reason for being single, though he always encouraged me to find a girl...settle down...if you want you can marry... (quoting Boyzone - Father n Son..lolzzz). Like I have written before, mind is very tricky. I can still remember a dialog in Smallville between Lex n Lionel...

Lex : You've tried so hard to convince the Kents that you're a good person, you're starting to believe your own lies.

Hmmmmm.....Have I convinced my self so hard that I reach a point that I believe that I don't need a girl? Is it because my faith in the institution called marriage begin to fade? Am I being too skeptical? Or have I been alone too long in this Fortress of Solitude that I unconsciously block all possibilities to have a relationship? There're some who have given me this warm fuzzy feelings.....but maybe I have this syndrom like Robbie William's song, Feel....'before I fall in love, I'm preparing to leave her'. If you ask me, "Do you want a girl?" I'd say yes. But if you ask me, "Do you need a girl?" I dunno.... There's not much that I can offer and it won't be fair to expect more in return from the girl.

Tal Bachman - She's So High

She's blood, flesh and bone
No tucks or silicone
She's touch, smell, sight, taste and sound

But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen
Yeah, yeah

(Chorus):
'Cause she's so high...
High above me, she's so lovely
She's so high...
Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodite
She's so high...
High above me

First class and fancy free
She's high society
She's got the best of everything

What could a guy like me
Ever really offer?
She's perfect as she can be
Why should I even bother?

(Repeat Chorus)

She comes to speak to me
I freeze immediately
'Cause what she says sounds so unreal

But somehow I can't believe
That anything should happen
I know where I belong
And nothing's gonna happen
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah

(Repeat Chorus)

All of these are maybe this...maybe that....Why is it so complicated.....Can love be simple? But again....what is love ?

"..I wanna hold your hand like this and never let go....."

Reminds me of Jay Chou's song Jian Dan Ai (Simple Love)....One of my (very)favorite song...


簡單愛
Jian Dan Ai
Simple Love


曲: 周杰倫
Qu: Zhou Jie Lun
Music: Jay Chou

词: 徐若瑄
Ci: Xu Ruo Xuan
Lyrics: Vivian Hsu


說不上為什麼
shuo bu shang wei shen me
Couldn’t really say why

我變得很主動
wo bian de hen zhu dong
I became very initiative-taking

若愛上一個人 / 什麼都會值得去做
re ai shang yi ge ren / shen me dou hui zhi de qu zuo
If you fall in love with someone, anything is worth doing

Pre Chorus
我想大聲宣佈
wo xiang da sheng shun bu
I want to announce loudly

對妳依依不捨
dui ni yi yi bu she
That I can’t bear to be apart from you

連隔壁鄰居都猜到我現在的感受
lian ge bi ling ju dou cai dao wo xian zai de gan shao
Even my next door neighbors can guess my feelings right now


Chorus 1
河邊 / 的風 / 在吹著頭髮/ 飄動
he bian / de feng / zai chui zhe tou fa / piao dong
The breeze by the river, is blowing your hair, swaying

牽著 / 妳的/ 手一陣莫名/ 感動
qian zhe / ni de / shou yi zhen mo ming / gan dong
Holding your hand, a sense of unknowingly being touched

我想帶妳回我的外婆家
wo xiang dai ni hui wo de wai po jia
I want to take you to my grandma’s home

一起 / 看著日落 / 一直到我們都睡著
yi qi / kan zhe ri luo / yi zhi dao wo men dou shui jiao
Watching the sunset together until we fall asleep


Chorus 2
我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
wo xiang jiu zhe yang qian zhe ni de shou bu fang kai
I want to just hold your hand like this and not let go

愛能不能夠永遠單純沒有悲哀
ai neng bu neng gou yung yuan dan chun mei you bei ai
Can love be forever innocent without sadness

我 想帶妳騎單車
wo, xiang dai ni qi dan che
I want to take you bike-riding

我 想和妳看棒球
wo, xiang he ni kan bang qiu
I want to watch baseball with you

想這樣沒擔憂 唱著歌 一直走
xiang zhe yang mei dan you chang zhe ge yi zhi zou
Want to be like this with no worries, singing as we walk along

我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
wo xiang jiu zhe yang qian zhe ni de shou be fang kai
I want to just hold your hand like this and not let go

愛可不可以簡簡單單沒有傷害
ai ke bu ke yi jian jian dan dan mei you shang hai
Can love be simple without pain

妳 靠著我的肩膀
ni, kao zhe wo de jian pang
You leaning on my shoulder

妳 在我胸口睡著
ni, zai wo xiong kou shui jiao
You sleeping on my chest

像這樣的生活 我愛妳 妳愛我
xiang zhe yang de sheng huo wo ai ni, ni ai wo
Like this kind of life, I love you, you love me

想 簡！簡！單！單！ 愛
xiang! Jian! Jian! Dan! dan! Ai...
Want simple simple love!

想 簡！簡！單！單！ 愛
xiang! Jian! Jian! Dan! dan! Ai...
Want simple simple love!

Repeat Pre-Chorus
Repeat Chorus 1
Repeat Chorus 2
Repeat Chorus 2


I wish it were that simple..... or am I being too rational? Ignoring my heart.......There's a song by Patty Smyth....
"..And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust....
And its sad when you know its your heart they cant touch..."
Have I started to become untouchable....?


Patty Smyth - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

I dont wanna lose you,
I dont wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I dont wanna hate you
I dont wanna take you
But I dont wanna be the one to cry
That dont really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough

Now I could never change you
I dont wanna blame you
Baby you dont have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking somethings gonna change

But theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
Theres a reason why people dont stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just aint enough

And theres no way home
When its late at night and youre all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

And theres a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart they cant touch.
Theres a reason why people dont stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just aint enough.
Baby sometimes love just aint enough.


Yeahhh...love is never enough.....
My mind has really been a mess this week...but today, I'm having a moment of peace.... This Gregorian song is very soothing...their songs are very good...Well, I'm gonna enjoy this moment of peace.....relinquish this Last Suffer(ing).....on this Thursday evening....when Jesus had His Last Supper with His disciples.......


Gregorian - Moment of Peace

Mm Mm Mm Mm Mm
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah

In moment of peace

Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah
Ah Ah Ah Ah Ah

(Chorus)

Come now, come by our side,
Into a place where you can hide,
We are the sunshine,
Rest your Soul here,
And you'll find,
We are the energy,
We give the world to thee,
Hold up your heart now,
We will ease pain from your brow.

(Sarah Brightman)
When the world is in tatters,
And destruction is near,
You can come with us here.

When the people are strangers,
We will rest here and be,
In a moment of peace.

When the world is in tatters,
And destruction is near,
You can come with us here.

When the people are strangers,
We will rest here and be,
In a moment of peace.

(Chorus)

Light up the dark below,
See through the stars,
Reach to the earth's flow
Drift into the joy of our hearts,
Unleash the energy,
Taste of the wine,
Drink as a Soul,
That knows now, power divine.

When the world is in tatters,
And destruction is near,
You can come with us here.

When the people are strangers,
We will rest here and be,
In a moment of peace.

When the world is in tatters,
And destruction is near,
You can come with us here.

When the people are strangers,
We will rest here and be,
In a moment of peace.

In a moment of peace.

Palm Sunday

post #162


"Kristus Raja...Kristus Mulia...Kristus...Kristus Tuhan kita...."

That's the line I kept singing on the procession of today's Palm Sunday. I forgot how many years it has been since the last time I participate in the procession. I think I got lazy on the last few years. Maybe because my mass schedule was usually on saturday afternoon (what a lame excuse...lol). Walking along with the other parish members, I remembered hansel's question, "How's your lent going?" "What do you give up this lent?" I couldn't answer these questions right away coz I don't think this year is better than last year. So I said plain. Then hansel said that he/she also didn't grow a new leaf. Dunno if the things I give up this lent are quite significant in the process of being a better person. It seems like I give up the same things, just like last year. Then the question will be, what's the use? Giving up the same things, failing to keep one some things....

I remembered on last monday I attended this prayer gathering for young professionals. Ko Riko talked about sucess. What is the main obstacle that keeps us from being success? It's none other than fear. Yes, the biggest obstacle of success is fear of failing. Once we have this fear and don't overcome it, we will never be success. Coz we'll never even have the courage to take the first step, to try, to fail, to reflect, to try again after failing. The possibility of failing is so scary for us that it paralyzes us. We have to be dare to fail. Of course dare in this term is also realizing our ability, our potential. What do we have that can help us achieving our dreams (he used the term our calling that God has put in the depths of our heart).

We have to open ourselves to a new perspective. We all fail. Human fail. There's no one in this world who hasn't failed. We're all faces of failure. Then he took an example from the bible. Both Peter and Judas failed Christ. Peter the brave denied Him three times and Judas exchanged Him for money. But the difference was, Peter didn't lock himself in the closet after failing, he didn't become desperate. While Judas so desperate in failing his teacher, he ended his life. Peter set the difference that made him the first pope. Even Jesus failed (He fell three times on his way to Golgotha). But He always stood and walked again.

Soichiro Honda said that success can only be achieved through series of repeated failure and introspection. I think the keyword here beside daring to fail is introspection. Failure is normal, but without introspection, we will end up making the same mistakes, falling into the same hole over and over again. Each time we fail we should examine it, take lessons from it as our life experience so we'll evolve. I hope by writing this journal I also doing this introspection part, to be a better man. Easter message...There's always a better tomorrow, we just have to have the courage to embrace it.

Robbie Williams - Better Man

Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain

Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time

*chorus
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man.....